hello!

to 2011!

i'm sure everyone has their own plans to celebrate the New Year...

As for me, well... I just prefer celebrating it with my family, at home, eating pizza together while watching some movies...hehe...not really a type of person to party and celebrate.

i only have one resolution this year...

SELF IMPROVEMENT!

let's just hope it goes well...

Ok lah

need to go get ready...I'm meeting some friends here...
it's been so long since i last saw them
hope they are excited to see me as i am excited to meet them!!

Happy New Year everybody!

Toodles! =)

The BEST Burger in Kuching!

Hehe...

malam-malam hujan ni memang nikmat sangat kalau makan burger. Dan-dan pulak mkn sambil tengok tv...drama masak lomak cili api...hehehe... XD

I just had the best burger I've ever tasted!

Burger ni sumpah sedap ok! jauh lebih sedap dari mana-mana burger yang pernah aku rasa. Sebelum ni, ada la jugak a few burger stall yang aku s

uka makan. Kalau kat Kedah tu, burger kat Jitra Mall yang

aku suka, sebab roti dia lembut macam burger McD, and patty dia pun nicely made. Then kat UUM plak, boleh kata majority students akan ckp bur

ger kat DPP MISC. Bagi aku personally...ok la rasa dia. Tapi takde la sampai tahap 'wow!'. Frankly speaking, aku lagi suka makan burger yang orang jual kt tepi-tepi jalan or dkt stall instead of burger kat McD and Burger King. Those burgers don't suit to my taste at all, albeit being international...

So, apa yang special sangat kat burger Kuching ni?

hehe..ni la burger dia..nmpk mcm biasa je kan? jom kita tgk kt dalam dia...

jeng-jeng! voila! ada nanas! and another special thing is the patty is homemade. Bukan segera, so rasa dia memang lain dr yang lain. Dging dia memang rasa. Lembut and juicy! Lgi satu, dia tak pakai minyak sangat, so it's healthy. Kita makan pun senang je sebab tak berminyak. Sos dia tak letak banyak tapi masih dapat rasa, added with black pepper which is also minimal, so it didn't have the overpowering taste. Ada sesetengah burger banyak sangat letak black pepper, sampai tak dapat rasa sangat daging burger dia. Nanas tu pulak dia bagi rasa tambahan, ada mixture of sweet and sour, give some juiciness in the burger. Memang feeling gler la bila makan ni... Burger ni semua rasa dia seimbang, dapat rasa daging burger, nanas, black pepper and sos. Oh, and another thing, they have melted cheese kt layer bawah. Yup, for burger biasa. So kalau sapa yang order burger cheese tu, means you have an extra cheese for free!!

this is benjo cheese....!!

So, for those yang kat Kuching and teringin nak rasa burger ni, boleh pergi ke Simpang Tiga. The burger stall's name is Take Away..hehe...another reason why I like it! Come to think of it, memang itu pun sebab kita order burger ye tak? ye kan je la...huahuahua!! anyways, it's situated kat Simpang Tiga, opposite Swinburne college, and at the same row as this one Restoran Cili Api. Tapi kena datang awal, sebab ramai sangat orang yang order. Kalau tak ramai pun, sorang tu boleh sampai order 10 bijik, nak bagi makan orang kat rumah, or maybe for their friends yang malas nak tunggu. hehe...

fear is a factor to me

People say what has passed remains as the past. When we think that our performance was not satisfactory, we will coax ourselves to not think about it anymore. Let bygones be bygones, they say.

In my capacity as a university student, those statements are what I normally said or heard from friends after we sat for the exams. However, even if I managed to clear out all those problems away, the history will come to haunt us again, and what is worse, it comes in the form of a result transcript!

I am feeling very terrified everytime I thought about how my results will turn out to be. I didn't perform really well for this semester's final exams. Hell, it's my worst! It was really bad! Everytime I thought about it, I fear that I will fail more than one subjects, and I am afraid the most unable to graduate. I don't want to extend, it'll more burden on my parents. And I'm sure they will be very upset and disappointed in me.

I don't think I have the courage to look at my results.

Etes-vous l'un pour moi?

Dear boy,

I'm just a normal girl, with imperfect skin and I'm still dealing with so many issues with myself. My skin isn't like porcelain dolls you see being displayed in the mall, and it is not even close to those beautiful models you watch on tv. I'm still struggling with myself to be a better person, and if there is one hardest thing to do, it is to improve. I don't have a brilliant mind. I have to work hard to achieve good results so I can have a good promising future ahead. And so the stress and tensions is how I got the blemishes and the dark circles under my eyes.

So, if perfect's what you you're looking for, then clearly I am not the one for you. I'm human, and humans all have imperfections, including you. But it's an adventure, I am grateful with what that has been given and I don't want to be perfect because it will be boring.

"when Allah knows you're ready for the responsibility of commitment, he'll reveal the right person under the right circumstances. Wait patiently. Don't waste your time searching and wishing. Grow and be ready, you'll see Allah will give you a love story far better than you could ever dream of"

I got this from this wonderful tumblr blog. The words makes me feel more certain and sure of myself. It makes me feel more relieved. And it makes me feel that it is a good thing and answers the question to why I am still single. I feel more assured with myself as a single girl.

I do need more time. I do need to grow up and to be more matured. Allah knows far better than me that I am so not ready yet to start another relationship. Of course, there's crushes here and there, but none sparks the intention inside of me to be in a relationship.

I still have doubts about having commitments. Maybe to some it's okay to have some relationships before getting completely serious on only one. But I don't think I can be that person. I am still feeling insecure about myself. Time is needed for me to love myself more before I can love someone else. If I ever want to be in a relationship again, I'd want it to be the right one.

hello love

Salam Maal Hijrah to all!

Hope it's not too late to wish...(padahal baru masuk hari kedua bulan Muharam)
bila dengar Muharam teringat pulak kat Ahmad Albab and the dialogue:
"Ni Muharam? Muka pun macam bulan,"

hahaha...time tu i don't really know the relation of the month of Muharam and why he said the dude's face is like a moon...budak kecik mana faham sangat...kalau faham pun malas nak explain...heh

So, it's the new beginning in the Islamic calendar. It's a shame, I know the months and number of days from January till December, but I don't have such similar knowledge and awareness towards the Islamic calendar. I only know it is from Muharam till Zulhijjah but don't have a clue how many days that one month consist of...

Anyways, a new year means new resolutions...
I don't really do new year resolutions, be it in the early month of January or even in Muharam, because I have this awareness and consciousness in myself that I won't be able to carry the resolutions that I made and having it fulfilled. Not that I haven't tried, it just didn't work successfully as I anticipated.

But I decided to do a few resolutions this year...
consider it as an experiment...whether I'm committed enough in doing what I planned to do.
I'd like to consider this resolutions I'm about to make as a self improvement.
Of course, some have resolutions to be more social friendly and saving the world and all that, but I realised I have issues with myself. How I feel so insecure about myself and how most of the time I don't appreciate and underestimate my own capabilities.
How can I have people to respect me and to treat me well when I don't do so towards myself right?

So, here are the so-called resolutions:
-be more honest to yourself. If something's not cool, admit it. Don't pretend and make a sunny teletubby cheerful face saying that 'it's alright' when deep down you find it otherwise.
-be more open or liberal. In the context of expressing your thoughts and feeling. Don't think what others will think if you say what u want to say.
-reduce the procrastination attitude. Let's be honest. I don't think I can erase permanently that attitude. But at least I can force myself to reduce it.
-please be more industrious. In managing myself, particularly. hahaha... I was thinking of my laundry waiting to be washed and my study table waiting to be tidy up as I'm writing this. Yeah, I'm bad in doing household chores.
-Control your expenses. This, I can say I managed to deal with it well already... Quite well.
-Don't be a gossipy bitch. Hahaha...I don't want to be a hypocrite. I gossip. Talk behind backs too. A friend of mind even said that I can make a blog like that in Gossip Girl. And this is one resolution I really want it to be fulfilled.
-Optimism is key. I find it very hard to stay positive. Even when I manage to be one, at the end of the day, there's always something that rinse it all off from me. Damn, my confidence is still at a moderate level. And I don't want it to stay like this forever.

Well, those are the resolutions. Sort of. I believe I still have some that I don't put it down here, but i cant seem to recall them. Oh well, these 6 resolutions alone will be difficult to fulfilled. I think I should take it one step at a time.
yeah, no resolutions mentioning about relationships or whatsoever. Not really my primary concern right now.
I think that until I manage to really like and love and be satisfied with every aspects of my body inside and out, that particular matter is to be put on hold. Probably for quite a long time. (sorry mom, if you ask about 'any special friend' again, my answer will still be negative... =p)

ka-ching!

I don't like asking money from my parents.

Don't like it one bit.

For one thing, I know that money don't grow on trees. Like you can just pluck it from any tree you found on your way and use it for your needs. Hell no, it doesn't work or made that way. And another thing I understand how hard it is to earn money, and how easy it is it slips out from your hands. More slippery than any soap or eels in the ocean (bad examples...what the heck eh?) How easy to spend them all in a day. In some cases involving shopaholics, half a day, maybe. I'd like to make my own money and use it for my own personal use. But it's kind of difficult to do that since I'm studying and my parents don't allow me to work while studying. Still, I had a small online business selling clothes, where I form a partnership with one of my classmates. The profit is not much but it's okay, it's satisfactory. I'm really bad in math, so I don't really know how to juggle with money, maybe if I have some skills, we can have more profit...heh.. And my parents know nothing about this. Yet. Hopefully they won't find out.

But still, I have to admit, and I'm kinda ashamed to admit that I still have to depend on them whenever the loan money's amount is getting smaller. Ain't no cheap books in law studies. With thick books come big value, and plus with all daily needs and assignments and notes, and with the fees deducted from the loan, I have to say that students receiving ptptn loans aren't 'rich' after all. They're only rich in the first few months.

I always try to avoid asking for money. Even when there's only RM50 or in my worst case scenarion RM10 left in my bank account. I just don't like the feeling of guilt and awkwardness that I feel whenever I asked them for it. It's a very unpleasant feeling. But then, when they found out I have no sufficient amount of cash needed for a month stay here, they got angry for me not telling. And eventhough my intention is that i don't want to always be a burden, they say it's no burden at all, since it is their responsibility.

I cannot take it for granted now, can I? yeah, it's a responsibility but I can't just use that as an excuse. I tried saving the money, but it always failed. I don't really spend a lot now compared to the past, but still I find myself in shortage of money. All that I ever spend mostly on is food. I can't study if I don't eat. And when I study more, the quicker I get hungry, and the food supplies just finish faster than usual. Other than that, I've been restraining myself real hard not to buy other things.

People always say money can't buy happiness. But in this time, in this type of world we're living right now, that phrase is no longer completely correct. You can't be happy knowing that you don't have enough money to support the family. And you feel really bad to ask from your parents despite the fact that you really need it. In my way of seeing things, even if they already gave me, I feel bad inside knowing that the money they gave could've been used for my younger siblings who need it more than I do.

for those who think that i'm trying to be a goodie goodie girl, i'm not. I'm really feeling effing *fucking* miserable and guilty right now.

cramped!

i'm having a love-hate relationship with my civil procedure subject.

i hate it for being so complicated, but i have to give attention to it as it gives an influence on my result this semester.

One part of me said 'padan muka, sapa suruh baca last minute!'
But another part of me, the bigger part i think said that regardless if i started a week or two weeks early, i'm going to have the same situation. that's just how my mind works. unlike evidence or jurisprudence where u can read the notes and create your own words to make it more understanding and easier to remember for the exams, civil procedure is all about procedure. you miss one step, the whole thing is wrong or unacceptable...coz that's not the way it works in practice.

At least evidence or jurisprudence u can goreng-goreng your answers as long as the message is there...
My mind never felt tired and heavy like this before. I had to stop and rest or I might spontaneously shout my heart out or just pass out in the room alone...now i kinda understand what it means when people say they have 'mind fatigue'!

So now, to sort of rest or cool down my brain from accepting too much load, I'm writing this post while listening to some sentimental music...josh groban, enya, and whatever songs I have in my laptop. Thought of listening to classical music that I have, but they sound sad and gloomy, not suitable enough. And I'll be watching some Shin Chan or My Wife and Kids to make me laugh....hope it helps to lessen the tense....haha....

I don't really care about doing excellent for this paper right now, all I want is to get this damn paper over and I can go out and watch movies and splurge with my friends right after it ends!

civil procedure mcm chipsmore.

civil procedure is no joke people!
it is one hell of one complicated flow of procedures...and i just dont get it why they have to be that lengthy and complicated....
anakonda berlingkar pun tak secomplicated mcm procedure ni...
really gets me on my nerves...u know why?
because everytime i'm done with one step, and moving to the next one, i have the thought that i got the former locked safely in my memory box...
IT DIDN'T!
it managed to escape itself right after i divert my attention to the second and upcoming steps...like a cheeky little invisible mouse!
and i have to read them all over again...only to find out in the end that it is back to square one.
doesn't really make sense, i know
but what the heck.
i'm writing this down anyway, just to keep my eyes awake...gotta really squeeze everything inside by force, because tomorrow's the paper!
damn!
just as i thought i'm gonna do this paper better to cover up the previous three that i screwed up badly.
Guess this paper's going to be in that category too!
there goes my intention of doing my masters abroad...huhuhu...(picturing UK or US as I'm writing this down... ='(
oh well, what to do
ini je la yang boleh aku cakap: dah tak ada rezeki nak pergi belajar oversea...
sumpah statement pasrah!

p/s: why chipsmore? chipsmore kan sekejap ada, sekejap takde. Civil procedure ni pun lebih kurang la...sekejap ingat, sekejap lupa...or should i say; sekejap ingat, terus lupa!

issue la sangat

credit from here

Hahaha....read that statement already? I felt the need to post about this coz it somehow relates to the issue I'm about to write about. (ayat macam isu serius je...heh...=p)

Well, took this from my tumblr blog. Asalnya aku amik dari sini, tapi aku reblog balik, so it doesn't really make a difference. The best thing about tumblr is that you dont have to bother thinking of how to write about something that shows the readers your exact emotion. Just grab a picture or quote and reblog it. After all, a picture speaks a thousand words, so jimat la masa nak tulis-tulis.

So this was regarding last holiday at home during Aidiladha. Time tu aku baru balik. Malam sebelum raya tu, tengah tlg cuci pinggan mangkuk periuk belanga semua...when dearest mum posed the question:

"Ada special friend ke?"

Eleh, mak aku ni nak tanya soalan cover-cover...cakap je la boyfriend, nak special friend bagai...hahaha....unexpected question. Ye la...time tengah cuci pinggan, tetiber tanya pasal tu. Tak ada kaitan pun. Kalau tanya pasal makan apa kat kolej time banjir tu ada la kaitan jugak..hee~

So aku pn jawab dengan jujurnya, "Takde pun." And she replied "Ye ke?" macam style adik aku selalu buat...pnjng skit harakat time dia ckp 'ye ke' tu....hahaha....so i affirmed the answer. Tambah lagi ckp "takde orang nak", hahahahahaha....ye la...unless you are one feminine girl who doesn't walk like a dude. heh heh...and thankfully after that answer my mum kept quiet.

In relation to the statement above, I have to say that I'm in an exception case. That is when I read the statement written, NOBODY comes across my mind. Zero. The only think that crossed my mind is "who? siapa yang aku love?" macam orang blur giler.

I understand and know the reason why my mum asked that question. Bukan sekali tu je, malam esoknya pun dia tanya benda yang sama. She's worried. I'm in my 20's and don't have a special someone. Sekarang ni pun, dah ada dah kawan-kawan yang dah kahwin, dah bertunang semua. Padahal time muda-muda time sekolah dulu, diorang la yang buat group 'single forever'. hehe...Well, I think that it is not something to be so worried about. Of course, nobody wants to be alone, and no parent wants to see their children spend their lives alone in an empty house with cats as partners. And personally I don't mind being single. Not sure that is a good thing or a bad thing. I think it's because I don't have the courage to start another relationship, fear that it will be the wrong one all over again. Also, selagi aku rasa aku tak boleh jadi the best person i can be, selagi tu la tak teringin to be in a committed relationship. Sekarang ni pun, my self disciplined is not at a good level. Ibadah aku pun kurang lagi, banyak lagi aku nak kena belajar and ingat compared to other people. Alang-alang nak jadi someone's partner tu, jadi la yang terbaik, so takde la orang rasa regretful and not many issues will rise. That is how i think.

Tipu la kalau aku cakap aku tak pernah minat kat sapa-sapa. Nobody is 'love proof' ok. When it comes to the matters of the heart, no one is immune regardless of how cold or how cruel the attitude is. Kalau kejam kat manusia, mungkin dia sayang kat benda lain. Tu love la jugak tu kan? =p but minat tu tinggal minat macam tu je la. Just a crush. A crush which I think is not what true love is, although love can be blossomed from there, the possibility aren't many.

So, that's the issue. Takde la besar sangat pun, but I felt to write about this because it made me realized that I am now no longer in the adult teen environment. I'm getting nearer to real adulthood, where family, career and future are something serious that need to be paid attention to. Sekarang ni takde dah masa sangat nak tengok Shin Chan hari sabtu pukul 7. Tak boleh sangat dah nak main-main or buat gila-gila depan orang tanpa rasa segan. And tak boleh dah nak depend kat parents untuk tolong selesaikan masalah yang kita buat secara sengaja atau tak sengaja.

p/s: to dearest mum, kalau jodoh tu lancar ada la tu. In the mean time, I'll try o improve myself. And kalau nak sangat ada grandchild, doa-doakan la jodoh adik-adik cepat sampai. Tak kisah diorang langkah bendul! LOL!

exam banjir unstoppable

had 3 exams consecutively...
what a great way to welcome the exam month
needless to say that i am not fully satisfied with my answers
a normal expression from someone who studied last minute...hehe

keadaan ni slalu terjadi: soalan mcm pernah baca tapi tak ingat yang mana satu. Time tu mula la geram and marah kat didri sendiri sebab baca last minute. At the end of exam, mcm menyesal pulak and mula pikir 'kalau aku baca lebih awal sikit, mesti boleh jawab'
hahahha...

anyways, the three days dont just past without nothing...some interesting events occurred...which I dont know whether to consider it as a blessing or a challenge...(cobaan...!)

DAY 1
-it started with nervous and total unprepared-for-exam feeling. while waiting to enter the exam hall, received news that i had a flat tyre! Didint know about it at all..and i drove 3 km from college to campus with a flat tyre at my front passenger seat! hahaha.... Got distracted of course, and after the exam ended, I was so rushing to check on my car that I left all my notes! Tengah bingung nak pikir camne nak repair tayar...then suddenly help appeared! Two foreign students saw us sturggling to change the flat tyre and offered to help. Bless them!!! Felt so thankful indeed. kalau tak mau berjam-jam kitorang kat situ nak tunggu tuakr tayar...perempuan katakan...tak sama kekuatan dgn laki...huhu....after it was done, I straight away went to the nearest workshop and have the tyre fixed and mended. To the two guys...I didnt get to know your name and didnt get to repay you, but i will remember you for your kindness and sincerity to help. Allah je la yang boleh balas jasa korg berdua! =)

DAY 2
-Nothing interesting happened here. Only that the questions that came out are rather unexpected! frust jugak time jawab exam. lepas tu mula la buat kiraan congak tengok brapa byk markah hilang....huhu...sumpah gaya orang pasrah...haha...the day ended with nothing interesting or unexpected happened. But I got kinda paranoid after the flat tyre incident, that I checked all tyres before driving.

DAY 3
-perhaps the exam where I crapped on my answer sheet the most! Hello, its jurisprudence. And I know it's an interesting subject, but considering I just gone through 2 law papers; evidence and professional practice, the effect is not doing good for my memory. Despite reading many time, I cant seem to make the point stick in my memory for at least until the end of the exam. But I tried to soothe my feeling, saying to myself that it is jurisprudence, that there is no one definite answer...hahahaha...(another 'pasrah' expression). After the exam, we decided to go catch Harry Potter movie (yeah, I havent watch it yet!) but then the cinema has not released the movie until this coming thursday...whaaa??!!) abut i still want to go out, at elast out from the uum and changlun territory. Plus I have things to buy, so we headed to Jitra. Had KFC for lunch and spontaneously decided to watch 'Unstoppable'. In my opinion, that movie was worth my RM10...hehe...ok la tu. Takde la boring sampai aku tertido ternganga dalam panggung wayang...lol!). We drove back to college after shopping for food and other necessary items. On the way, it started to rain. I already guessed that, seeing the sky was gloomy. But what I didnt realise was that as we were about to reach college, we had to stop. Why? Road closed due to flood! Air bertakung sampai paras lutut!!! It seemed that it has been raining for like 4 hours in uum and changlun area. (ingatkan hujan kt jitra sebab fenny nyanyi...lol!) So we patah balik and went to campus instead. Punya la risau tak dapt balik kolej, sampai plan nak bermalam kt uni inn...dlm hati masing2 risau sebab tak cukup moolah! huhuhu....after an hour or so, we decided to drive back, hoping that the road is cleared. Alhamdulillah, jalan boleh lalu, and we reached college safely. Experience yang challenging sangat.

Now, there's 3 more papers left before the declaration of independance can be made. Hope I wont screw up the remaining paper as I screwed the previous three!

sekarang ni tengah pening kepala sebab kena hujan. Banyak lagi nak cerita sebenarnya, tapi tulis sampai sini je la. Ni pun dah panjang, tak larat nanti nak baca... Lol!

jom!

the first time i went to watch 'korban' was when i was about 8/9 year-old
my younger brother and i were following dearest dad
at that time, i thought sembelih lembu is like sembelih ayam...main potong-potong, or potong-potong plastisin play doh dgn pisau plastik...biasalah budak-budak taknak tunjuk diorang takut...hehe
then i stood along in the crowd, watched all the procedure, from bringing down the cow to tying the cow's legs and laying down the cow, to get it prepared for the 'korban'
i remembered the cow was white...
and the moment the sharp blade slit the cow's throat all i saw was red blood...and the cow's reaction (sapa2 pernah tengok faham la kan...susah la mau explain..=p)
luckily for me i was quite far, so the blood didnt splutter and hit me on my clothes...

and that first time was the last time...
not because i was afraid, but i just cant stop picturing the image, even before it began
i didnt cry while watching it...didnt even have the time to feel sorry for the cow
i was more stunned and speechless, really
didnt even realize my little brother was not there...(dia pergi main kejar-kejar dgn kawan dia, tinggalkan aku sorang2...huhu)
maybe because i was afraid i will overreact if i watch it now...mana tau tetibe terjerit, padahal org blm start sembelih lagi...haha

this year, i managed to celebrate it at home, Alhamdulillah
enjoyed being at home, mainly because of the good food
well, you'll understand if you have to feed on maggi cup and eating at warung because your place has no other place to look for food
home cooking is the best!
but that doesnt take my mind off of my final exams which will start next sunday
and all i have to say is
I"M FREAKING OUT!
i am so not prepared...despite that i've read the notes and cases given
usually i'll be freaking out and later forgets about it, but this time, it's haunting me!
cant even sleep well
too scared...kept thinking what if i fail my exams because i am so unprepared!
and i've never felt this paranoid before!
Ya ALLAH please give me strength!

tomorrow i will be heading back to uum
something i feel so heavy to do
for one thing i dont want to face the fact that the exam is in 3 days!
another is that i hope to stay a day longer so i can watch movie with my youngest brother
he wants to watch Megamind instead of Harry Potter (what???)

and something else occurred during my stay at home...hehe
nothing big, but it is an issue for me
but i think i'll save the story later...
goodnight y'all!!!

exam mode on!

note: this aint the notes for this semester's subjects...just to show the exam mode...lol!
=p

confession of a banjir victim

actually, not really a banjir victim...=p
saja je nk bagi tajuk mcm tu....considering the fact that that is the topic most discussed right now, apart from politics...lol!

well...i am still staying in college, refuse to go back for fear that if i do, i'll be stuck in the middle of the highway due to the flood water not receded completely...yup, i'm not a big risk taker when it comes to situation like this...especially involving long drives and cars...
bygkn kalau tgh drive balik ipoh tetibe keta xleh lalu sbb air banjir blm surut...arghh...
i know...i'm being paranoid...
anyways...i'm still not sure whether i should go home for aidiladha...still need to grab the courage...=p

right now, the college is quiet, and my block only have a handful of students staying faithfully here...its quite a survival test, since the cafe is closed due to shortage of food supplies...we had to buy food supplies (mostly maggi and bread and biscuits)...which dont even last for a week...=p but thankfully, things are getting better here...and having the quiet condition makes it easier and more condusive for students to study for their finals...
something i should be doing right now.

i have a goal this semester...well, i always have a goal everytime the exams are approaching.
but i think this semester the enthusiasm seems to be higher than other terms...
i really have to thank this one dude for giving me advice and support...telling me to stay focus on what i want to do in future...
'grasp them tight and keep a strong will at heart, and you can achieve it'
thats what he said to me...and despite not knowing me, he felt certain that i can excel...
now, not many people ever said like that to me...excluding my parents of course
and having him saying that really made my day...i really appreciate that from him
its as if apart from my family, there's something that actually believes in me...
i dont care if he's just saying that and not meant it, his words is enough to give me courage...and determination.
i will try my very best...harder this year...and hope that it bears better fruit than previous semesters...i may not see him or chat with him again...ever, but thanks for the positiveness and for believing in me... =)

hdahdahfavcaywyqfdwq

ergh!!!!!!!

bengang!!!

malas nak membebel panjang-panjang

whatever la

the colour purple

Today, my tumblr dashboard is decked in purple. A beautiful purple. And I kinda like it because purple is my favourite colour. I thought for quite a while the significance of the change from dark blue to purple...(nak kata birthday aku, lama lagi kot! =p), then I finally figured out what it is for.

The colour purple is to honour the youths who committed suicide due to the fact that they could not stand the abuse and sufferings they have of being gay, lesbian, transgender,...or in other words, different from most people in the world. These youths are taking their own lives at such a young age, and I have to say I am very sympathetic of them and their family, for having to lose a child, a brother or a sister in such a way.

Before I wish to say anything further, I would like to make something clear. I am against homosexuality. I am not okay with the idea of it. At all. For one major reason is that it is not only against law of nature, but also law of God. God created Adam to be with Hawa, and that union is what builds and brings out the global society that we have now. Perhaps some of you will say I'm a homophobic, a conservative or whatever, but I don't push away or discriminate or prejudice towards someone who is different from me.

I have friends who are lesbians, gays and also bisexuals, but I don't hate them. People tend to see the one worst thing in other people, instead of many beautiful things that they have inside. Why not we see that and embrace them as being who they are? I think it is their choice to be what they want to be...God never makes mistakes...and I deeply apologize for those who are offended by this post. Nevetheless, their choice do not deserve them any torment and abuse that they received everyday. Nobody deserves to feel bad and worthless. Even if you don't agree with their lifestyle, please respect and be tolerant. Nothing good ever comes out from hatred and anguish. It will just bring more harm than good. Tormenting them won't bring them straight, and the consequences of the negative acts they received is one thing that we should try to avoid. I love my gay and lesbians friends just like other friends. And sometimes, they turn out to be more understanding than others. When I'm with them I didn't think for a bit of them being different from me, and I didn't even think about the stand that I hold. All I think of that they are good friends, whom I always have fun talking and spending my times with.

Of course, that will make me look like a hypocrite. A total hypocrite. But the way I think, whenever they have problems, it's not about me, it's about them. And if a friend is what they need the most at that time, I'm more than willing and try to be the friend that they need. I don't mind being a hypocrite at that moment as long as my friend knows that he or she is not alone. Everyone deserves to feel wanted, loved and most of all respected. I think even if we oppose to it, don't give them a hard time, you never know in future when karma strikes. At that time, it will all be too late and you will have nobody to blame but yourself.

Love everyone despite their differences. Sometimes it is better to commit a little bad for greater good. If you refuse to do it due to religion or your personal principle you hold on to, then try and do it for the sake of humanity. Every human deserves to live in peace. And for those out there who are coming out, always bear in mind that somewhere in the world, there is someone who loves you. Keep a strong faith. It takes great courage to take your own lives, but it takes much greater courage to keep living.

*what I wrote is completely based on my personal opinion alone. I know most of the content will offend someone out there who read this, and for that I give you my most sincere apologies.

pfft!

crazy life these past few weeks...

busy...lazy...moody...you name it

and currently pissed and annoyed of the internet connection that is so slow macam siput pig...hello, can't you just go a little bit faster??? I really hate waiting and unable to watch Glee's latest episode really kills me!

anyway...speaking about kill...

had a mid term test just now...criminal procedure...

and hell yeah....I killed the paper!

not in a good way....i totally blew it off!

well...serves me right actually...for being unprepared...nobody to blame but myself...

but unable to do my best for test is not the thing that ticks me off tonight.

What really ticks me off....

are those who nonchalantly sneaking a.k.a copying from books...not just that...they pretend that they're actually thinking and doing the test when they are actually getting 'extra' help the back way... like it's no big deal...

hell yeah it's a big deal!!!

it's damn unfair! especially to those who really studied and prepared for the test...and it's most unfair and exasperating when u got off the hook! the lecturer didn't notice and then voila! in a few weeks or a months later, you will see you name next to a high score for the test...

of course...you'll be happy...and everyone will say...'wow...you're good,' 'pandainya kau...aku dapat sikit je,' when in fact you don't deserve the marks at all.

a big chicken egg or dinasour egg is what you deserve.

a friend of mine said..."takpe la...yang penting berkat, bukan markah"

not that I don't agree with him, but how many of us here gives a shit about berkat? It's what present that determines the future, but they don't think that way. People don't see implied 'berkat' we get, what they see is the marks shown and that's what they believe. That's where they make an impression from. Despite knowing that it's wrong, they still do it nonetheless, because they think first of people's impression rather than the 'berkat' they could've received.

Ah...but why am I blabbering for? Who would give a shit anyway? They'll be like 'oh, don't be mad or jealous at us because you don't have the guts to copy,'. Yup, perhaps I'm a coward, but at least I'm a coward with dignity. And I am ready and willing to accept the loss and failure that comes from my own action. That I think is what bravery really is in this situation...

But what the heck right? who would listen to me anyways? Just a grandma story that people read when they're bored....

whatever.

~wee~

I have Tumblr!!

And seriously getting addicted to it...

Love all the photos and quotes!!!

Hope I can make some just as wonderful as them.... =)

do have a visit to my tumblr blog...but be nice...since I'm a newbie...ahaks!!! =p

S.I.C.K

No, not that kind of sick...

no coughs, no flu, no fever, no pms or whatever....

just feeling sick.

SICK!!!!!!

for no reason why, this feeling suddenly came.

well, it's about time though...

lots of things....craps...shits (if i choose to write it out the way i feel right now)...happened and is happening...

perhaps when they happened, i was emotionless...didn't think of anything but to get it sorted out and be done with it.

now that it's coming back to me...i really feel so sick right now.

or in other words....

i'm just tired.

No, not exhausted

Tired...fed up...I'm done...that's enough...kind of tired.

sometimes when we thought things are going fine and going smooth....it turns out to be something that the mind made up as a diversion...to make us feel like everything's fine.

the mind lied. to its very own body.

nothing is EVER fine in the world.

though i always hear people say that the best way to live life is to think positive...deep down inside there's still doubt...

sometimes being too certain about something can cause bad ending....because that is the ending that is least expected.

when such event happen....how many of us can still stick to staying positive?

In Kuching

Just heard the announcement on tv just now

The same old uncle gave out the announcement. Come to think of it, he must have a really good and blessed life. He's been giving out Ramadhan and Raya announcements eversince I was a kid. And still he looks just the same...

Anyways...

I can't believe Raya will be within 2 days. It's so fast

And as usual I'm celebrating Raya with my family and relatives in Kuching, Sarawak. Normally every year we celebrate in Kuching. Only few times we celebrate it in Perak.

So now, as I'm writing this, while watching Glee we are all starting to get busy preparing for Raya.

Unfortunately for me, I won't have the chance to sembahyang Raya... =(
(no need for me to say why, kan?)

Selamat Hari Raya Aidilfitri to all muslims in the world. May all past faults and mistakes be forgotten..

Pelik la ko ni minat music cmni...

I'm writing this while listening to Mio Nemico (My enemy), the theme song from The Cave of The Golden Rose. Remember that story??? It was so long time ago, when I was wearing dark blue pinafore and learning to ride a bike and started my piano lessons kind of time. Real nostalgic! I remembered how my siblings and I waited excitedly in front of the television waiting for the story to start. And we didn't let anyone touch the channel button! ( time tu kitorg masih belum ada tv yg pakai remote) hehe..... come to think of it now, it brings back smiles and sweet memory. Macam orang tak betul palk aku senyum sorang-sorang depan laptop!

Anyways...not just that song, I'm listening to Glee songs as well as some musical songs from Mary Poppins and The Sound of Music. Yup, I'm crazy when it comes to musicals. Can't help it! Julie Andrews voice is superb! Lush and sweet! =)

Speaking of musicals, I remembered quite some time, a friend came up to me and asked this one question. Soalan yang bagi aku SENTAP gak la...the yellow ones are her dialogues

"Weh...ko ni pelik la..."
"Apsal? Apa aku buat?"
"Apsal ko minat sangat lagu-lagu koir, opera bagai ah? Bukan best pun. Boring kot aku dengar"
"Haha....bagi ko boring la..bagi aku lagu-lagu camtu best. Buat tenang hati aku...Favourite orang kan lain-lain"
"Oooo....kalau nak tenang hati apsal tak dengar lagu nasyid? lagu camtu ko tak minat lak. Lagu-lagu cmni gak ko pilih...mcm lagu gereja lak aku dengar"

Hahaha....I understood completely what this dear friend meant. Truth to be told, aku memang tak minat nasyid. And I always wondered why. Bukan aku tak pernah pikir sebab apa. Banyak kali kot. I tried to plant the interest, but in the end, after listening to it, I listened to West Side Story songs instead. Benda tu tak lama. I can spend a whole day repeating the same songs from the same musical story and never get tired of it...but it is a whole different story completely when it comes to other genres.

Seriously, memang aku agak sentap la ngan member aku ni. Tapi aku tak salahkan dia. In fact, I appreciate her honesty. Ye la...kawan dah lama sejak sekolah kot. And she knows me well. Time sekolah dia gak la yang melayan kerenah aku yang time tu tengah obses ngan the Phantom of The Opera and Chicago. Aku plak, in returning her favour have to layan kerenah dia yang gila AF time tu... Ahaks!

I don't have solid answers as to why I love these kind of music. But one thing I'm sure, I feel very at ease listening to it. It suits my soul. And I feel happy listening to it. I just cannot describe exactly how I feel but it's like I am in my own place... Faham-faham je la kan. Everyone will feel the same when having and listening to their favourite music. It's all about expressing yourself.

And maybe because all these songs reminded me of my happiest memory when I was in high school. And that was when I joined the choir club. There I can sing my heart out and nobody will judge you because everyone has their own version of voice. Plus, bila nyanyi ramai-ramai memang seronok time tu. Gelak ramai-ramai bila silap tune or silap lirik. Of course there's tension here and there but in the end of the day, everyone felt heavy to end the choir practice and go home. Aku time tu kalau boleh nak ponteng tuition semata-mata taknak miss practice.

So that's perhaps the answer. I like them because it reminds me of those memorable days in school where I'm with my friends enjoying being ourselves and didn't have to bother what other people think about us because at that time we know everyone is special in some way.

Addict

I am currently kind of obsessed with Les Choristes

I am a musical freak. Am proud to admit it

I've always love musicals ever since my piano teacher made me listen to the Phantom of The Opera during one of m

y lessons...

well...at that time I was only 9 and hardly know what a musical is...the only thing that interests me on that Phantom of the Opera is because I thought he looked really cool and macho wearing all that black cape and mask and always with a rose.

Ever since then, I've been trying to listen and watc

h as many musicals as I could... So far, I've watched some of the well known musicals...The Sound of Music, Annie, Chicago, Cats, Evita, Olive

r Twist, My Fair Lady, Moulin Rouge, Sweeney Todd...and some others that I cannot recall.

Now, I am a Gleek! Damn their voice are great! But High School Musical is not on my list...because I don't find them interesting enough...not like GLEE!! heh

And now, I'm so dying to watch Les Choristes! I've known about this french musical movie since High School...but until now I still don't have the chance to watch it. I listened to one of their songs and it totally swept me away with their 'haunting' lush voice!!!!!!! Arghhh!!! (screams excitedly)

I had the songs in my handphone

and have been playing in non-stop!

........

blog dah bersawang!!!!!!!!!!

ntah la...tak ada idea and mood nak tulis pasal apa...

kalau ada pun...macam tak perlu tulis...simpan je dalam hati...lama-lama hilang and everything will go back to normal... right???

WRONG!!

Not everything can be easily forgotten despite being already forgiven...and mostly it is because I refuse to forget...

sebab?

no reason...saja je nak benci-benci orang sampai mati....hahahaha!!!!

no...perhaps it can be used as a reminder...so that when anything similar happens again...I can be aware and be prepared for it...

Of course...people will say not all thing will end up the same...but what if?

Paranoid?
Maybe I am...and maybe its a good thing to be once in a while...

Because I'm sick of having to take care of people's feelings and try my best to be understanding and coax myself not to be angry or disappointed when they don't do the same towards me...

as selfish as it might sound...that is how i feel...kalau aku tunjuk pun...apa yang aku dapat?
nothingness....

erk! apa jadi tu 'simpan dalam hati and diam-diam je'???

hahaha....ni la yang jadi bila aku dah start menulis...all those crap come out flowing like water....heh

Asalnya nak tulis pasal bulan Puasa...hmm...

Anyways...hope it's not too late to wish Selamat Berpuasa to all muslims in the world! May this wonderful month of Ramadhan bring us closer to Allah S.W.T

And oh...All the best to my two friends...Shafiq and Azlan on their 5 months study in Adelaide, Australia...
You lucky blokes!!!!!!! have a blast there....but don't lose yourself...
I pray everything goes well and hope that you guys will always be successful, safe and healthy.

Aku nak koala sorang sekor dari korang! hahahaha!!

End.

Everything New=Broke!

Hello...wow...this blog is full of cobwebs! How long has it been empty and unattended??? hehe

Now, I'm in my final year in law. Apart from being happy for almost finishing up my studies, I'm actually worried. One main reason is because I still have no final say on what I decided to do with my life after studies. I don't know whether I should be a practising lawyer, or working at the AG Office or a legal advisor or a lecturer. Well, for one thing Chambering for 9 months is compulsory and is a no no for escape. And I have in my mind to do Syariah but that idea is still pending.

This new semester means there's new students coming in. And yeah, my college received new attendants. And I mean NEW attendants...in a form of a human being known as Male. Yup, this once all girls students resident is now sharing with boys coming up and down the stairs and strolling along the hallway and walking nearby the girls block hoping to sneak a peek into their rooms....ahaks...that last one was totally made up. But anything can happen right? Haha... It feels SO weird! Less freedom to walk around with pyjamas to go to your friend's room at the block next door for fear of accidentally bumped into a boy classmate of yours...haih... There's this one dude, a junior I guess suddenly came up to me and nonchalantly said to me:

"Eh, YOU JALAN MACAM LAKI LA..."

Oi! Selamba badak sumbu je dia cakap macam tu...That was totally unexpected!!! I don't even know him and he suddenly said like that. If that's the way of wanting to know people or to break the ice, then saying that I walk like a dude was the wrong way mister...WRONGGGGG WAYYYY....

And new semester means new books! I have to say this semester is perhaps the quickest semester for me to go broke! The books are just sooooo expensive!!!!!! In line with the subjects that are mostly dry and heavy...

The late Augustine Paul wrote this! Worth buying!

Professional Practice...Ravi Nekoo...hope this book can help me solve my dilemma...

Civil procedure...hmm...no comment on this...yet.

Sempat lagi beli novel ni... The Portrait of A Lady...nice!

??!!

Had a bad cold last night...and thought of going to bed early...(sedih tak dapat tgk Germany v. Spain....huhu...But Spain won! Yeay!!)

Tengah kemas-kemas apa yg patut and had some chat with mother...tiba2 mother asked:

"Takde kawan luar biasa ke?"

Erk??? Apakah?? Kenapa tiba-tiba je tnya pasal kawan luar biasa ni???

Those who read this, I hope you know what my mom's term of "kawan luar biasa" means...hehe...

bukan yang macam ni ye....hehehe
Picture credits to Google

kitty meow

Little brother brought back home a kitty back home in a box...didn't expect that would happen...Ingatkan dia pergi main basikal je....skali balik rumah bawak balik ank kucing...

Well...with reference to previous history of having cats and rabbits and fishes as pets...I have to say that having one is not practicable...Why? not because we are animal haters but because we are always not at home...and nobody is available to take care of those pets...We go back to Sarawak every year for months, and we couldn't possibly left those pets unfed right?

So we gave our rabbits to mother's colleague, the fishes left us under natural causes, and our cat, Simba decided it was time to leave house and become a stray cat instead...

Now that little brother brought home a kitten, and he has no clue of the family history on pets...(well, he has a pair of tortoises now, but they are going to be given away to the school..) he is so eager of making this kitten a permanent member of the family. Of course, dearest parents disapprove...and we agreed with them...but then mother decided to let little kitten stay for a few days before handing it over to someone else...No one in particular actually, mother's idea was the surau...

Still, I couldn't help but love this little furball already...She is so cute! And her fur remind me of chocolate chip cookies!

susu dutch lady uolss...full cream lagi...haha!





are you my momma??

trying to get out of the box...kesian kaki pendek..

p/s: little brother bagi nama kucing ni 'Meow'...hehe

adoi!!!

Ni yang aku tak suka ni...

There's always....ALWAYS a reason to why people would prefer using Pos Ekspres instead of regular posting.

One 'duh'/obvious reason using Pos Ekspres is so that we can receive the parcel expressly or in an easier understandable word...fast/quick!
Fast/quick as in withing 1-2 days there will be a postman will be standing in front of your gate waiting for you to sign the parcel...

But....wth??!!

The week is almost over and I STILL....have yet to receive the parcel I am anxiously waiting for...
Adoi...kenapalah jadi macam ni pulak???? Kata pos ekspres...tapi tak sampai-sampai lagi barang aku tu..
And hell, I need that thing to bring to Uni...Sabtu ni aku dah nak balik Uni dah...barang tak sampai lagi ni....Adoi....bengang!! Don't ever expect me to make a 4 hour drive back to Ipoh just for the sake of taking that thing once I'm back in Uni....I have lots of other things to do than to waste my time on that...

Can somebody please give me a valid, concrete, acceptable explanation to why Pos Ekspress service is lambat macam siput????

battlefied

Love is a battlefield...dengar macam ganas je kan?

But that is the fact...

Even without machine guns, or bombs or rifles or kereta kebal, it is one challenging thing, body, mind and soul. Kadang-kadang kalau fizikal kuat tapi hati and mental lembut pun tak guna jugak. Akan kalah, mcm brasil n argentina!

Uiks...apsal tiba2 masuk bab bola ni? rewind2!

Ok...love is a battlefield. Against what? Well, main thing is against yourself and the environment around. Sekarang ni temptations memang byk. Bukak tv tgk love story berlambak. Tgk wayang pun berbaris love story movies, naik LRT tgk merpati tak sejoli tgh main2 buih cinta...huih....memang banyak...kalau ikutkn hati, memang akan tewas.

Tapi tu la...ikut hati mati...ikut rasa binasa... Indeed, being in lovey dovey world is like being in heaven...that is in utter bliss...Everything seems so perfect and beautiful...org kata kentut petai pun bau strawberi...haha! Semua benda kalau boleh nak buat sama-sama. Makan sekali, phone number pun kalau boleh nk nombor lebih kurang sama, gayut every night, say good morning everyday, skype everyday, semua la nak sekali...takkan rasa jemu menatap wajahnya yang handsome/beautiful tu. There are even those who doesn't mind, even willing to spend big amount of money just to impress and make their partner happy. Ala-ala berkorban apa sahaja asalkan dia happy la ni...But when the bliss comes to an end, that's when those lovers feels as if living in hell. Time tu mula lah nak mengungkit kisah lama, sapa yang paling banyak 'berbakti', banyak keluar duit, banyak call, banyak top up, semua tu la diungkit semula. Ada yang tak dapat terima kenyataan mengalami syndrome frust menonggeng berbulan-bulan or even bertahun-tahun...sampai diri sendiri pun dah tak terurus; belajar tak masuk, kerja tak fokus, makan pun takde selera....last2 bila jumpa kawan semua terkejut tgk dirinya yang dulu sihat bahagia jadi kurus menderita...

Baru-baru ni, ada sorang member aku dah dikecewakan dalam percintaan. Memang frust sangat dia...because it's first love...which last forever..like people often say...hmm....and I feel so sorry for that bloke seeing him like a zombie with nowhere else to go. Yup, he smiles and laughs and jokes around, but I know he misses that lady of his, because everytime we talk, there's always a topic about her that would be brought up. He blames himself not being good enough, not being attentive enough, which caused her to leave. But that to me is just bull...i know that bloke and i can say that he really cared, and still does, about that lady. He kept thinking of her, and despite various attempt he made to forget her, it all fails.

See the effect? That is why it is called a battlefield. Because just like a real battlefield, only the strong one survives. So you fail in love...so what? It's not the end of the world. Of course, it hurts so much, but not too much to kill you. I don't find killing yourself after heartbreak of love is considered as romantic...cinta mati la konon...that act only gives you a place in hell. Memang mula-mula tu rasa frust sangat, akan ambil masa yang lama jugak untuk recover. Ada yang terus serik to have another relationship....like yours truly. Until now, I'm kinda paranoid of having relationships, and I don't know why.

Perhaps it is because of the lackness of positivity inside me. Like that friend of mine, I blame myself not being good enough. And that is the most important thing. POSITIVE. Every cloud has a silver lining. Everything happens for a reason. No use of blaming fate, because it already happened. What we can do is bounce back and look at the past no more. Remind ourselves there's someone better. Of course, we always think that he/she is the one created or meant for us. But who are we to know? Kalau betul dia orangnya, then we don't have to worry, because he/she will go nowhere. Kalau jodoh takkan ke mana kan? And if they're not, just be patient. God will never give the worst, God knows best, right?

p/s: aku pun tak tahu kenapa aku post title ni....maybe sbb dah takde idea tapi tangan gatal nk menulis...or maybe i've been bitten by the love bug...who knows!!?? ahaks!! =P

p/s: this post is based solely on my personal opinion. Anyone offended by this post, I sincerely apologise...

the end of a short memorable month

Hmm...it feels like such a short while staying here in Tawau. The first time arrived here, I thought,"It's going to be a long month". But then, now that it already come to an end, it was like only a few days staying here.

Many things I went through and experience here. And it was all fun, memorable, and exciting ones. I got to attend weddings, I got to eat food that are not found in Peninsular, and I got to meet many friendly, welcoming people, and I got to go to places I never dream to set foot on.

And tomorrow marks the end of my stay here in Tawau. I will be returning back to peninsular the first thing in the morning. Sedihnya...just as I was about to get closer to them, it was time to go home. But at the same time, I am very excited to return home, because my sister and brother studying in Egypt have arrived home safely. Alhamdulillah. Can't wait to meet them. Macam mana la rupa diorang kan? It has been a long time since I skype with them. The last time we talked, dearest sister looks chubbier while dearest brother seems to be skipping meals! Apa-apa pun, lega hati bila call rumah tadi si adik mengangkat. Lama tak dengar suara diorang. Hehe...

Insya Allah my trio back home runs smooth and reach home safely. Wait for my return and for my souvenirs ya! =)

Dateline

Damn! There's 3 more days before the end of my practical and I'm yet to finish my practical report!

Argh!! How am I ever going to finish doing a case analysis that requires minimun 40 maximum 50 pages within 3 days?

And I still haven't packed my things!

And my flight is 1st July...and it's at 8.25 a.m!

And my log book is still empty!

And...and...and...

Damn!

Procrastination not only kills time, it can almost kill me too!!!!

pee wee in a bottle

Lama dah tak update blog. Nak buat mcm mana...busy lady...(padahal sebenarnya tak ada ilham & mood nak tulis. Idea berlambak, asyik ada je benda nak luahkan tapi malas sangat nak exercise jari-jari yg runcing ni...ahaks!

Life at the firm now has become busier. The boss has been giving us assignments and cases to be read, understood and presented in front of him. Cuak oo...dah la bos strict...nak memahami kes tu memang pecah kepala ibarat gelas jatuh ke batu...haha...over! But still have the time to type this post kan...hmm...padahal boleh je guna freetime ni untuk buat report. Macam tak sedar diri plak yg aku ni ada seminggu je lagi nak stay di bumi Tawau, sabah ni. Kalau tak sempat siap, matai la aku!

Last weekend, we went to watch Karate Kid. The movie was awesome! It's complete. Simple story line, yet adventurous and full, easily be understood, and the actions in the movie is just great, added with some humour which made the movie not a bore to watch. First time tengok wayang kat Sabah. Hehe...And an embarrassing thing happened when we were buying the ticket. Tengah nak masuk tu, tak perasan la pintu masuk tu tak tutup lagi. Aku dengan confident berdiri je kat situ...then pang! Pintu dari belakang pukul kepala aku...adoi!!! Aku jerit and in less than a second all eyes fixed on me... Argh! But honestly, I was laughing along with those people instead of covering malu. Hahaha...memang kelakar...

Yang paling tak boleh blah is during the movie. It was almost halfway to the end of the movie. And as I watched with full concentration, I heard the sound as if water is poured into a bottle. Aku pikir, sape la yang tengah tuang air nak minum ni? I looked on my left side and I saw a boy standing, with his pants down. And the bapak pulak tengah tlg pegang an empty bottle as the little boy answered nature's call. Dalam kata lain budak tu lepas hajat kecilnya dalam botol! WHAA!!! Aku terkejut gilak! I was like...dumbfounded. Can't believe what I have witnessed! Aku cuit kawan sebelah aku...dia pun terbeliak. Kami sama-sama terbeliak dalam kegelapan panggung wayang tu. Selepas bisik-bisik skit...kitorg pun decide to ignore it and concentrate on the movie. Budak tu pun dah lega dah aku tengok. Heh...

Seriously, I cannpt believe such act can possibly be done. Where's the morality? Manners? And most of all...tak malu ke buat camtu? Maybe in other countries people don't really give a damn. But here is Malaysia, where people often try to poke their nose whenever possible. Aside from being a total annoyance to people, it is what make this country still cautious and concern about what happen around them. Kalau takde makcik jiran sebelah dok bertanya je...nobody will know the house will be empty. Kalau takde jiran sebelah asyik dok cuba curi-curi dengar, nobody will know if there is anyone else trying to break into the house. Of course, sometimes panas hati jugak bila asyik kena investigate dgn org sebelah, tapi last2...diorang la yang diminta tolong tengokkan rumah. Kalau takde orang yang nak ambik tahu, susah jugak. Sifat malu and manners tu tak lama akan hilang. Tu la orang cakap. Dalam seburuk-buruk benda tu, akan ada jugak kebaikannya. So regarding that pee in a bottle case, kalau orang buat tak kisah, benda macam ni mesti akan ada lagi. Diorang tak teragak-agak & tak rasa salah & malu untuk buat benda-benda macam tu. Not just pee, semua act la yang tak sesuai ditunjuk kat sini that still holds on and appreciate the value of their customs and traditions. Don't compare with other countries, sebab tak semua yang rasa custom and manners is what important in shaping a praised individual.

sambal sambalewa...I need help!

Sekarang semua orang tgh gila bola... It's the World Cup Season people! And I, though not a footballer, a kaki bangku and not really obsessed with balls...erk...football...is also not excluded to join in the excitement! Best ooo tgk bola, and lagi best bila main bola. Tapi futsal je la...and slalunya jadi reserve...hehe...

Wat country I support? Hmm...tak perlu cakap kot. You guys can make your own random guess. Mana tau, kalau ada yang betul...aku bagi hadiah! Sebijik bola sepak...best tak? haha... Tapi yang tak bestnya bila selalu miss watching the game. One reason beacuse I have to go to work...cewah...padahal practical je pun. Second is that I don't have the eyes of an owl to stay awake the whole night to watch the game... Hmm...kena pakai sabun tahan mengantuk ni, baru boleh berjaga sampai ke pagi... Pergi ofis plak dengan mata lebam macam panda...biler org tanya cakap la tu smokey eyes... Erk! Banyak la ko merepek!

picture credits to google.
bagi korang chocolate football! nak? sedap ni...hehe...

Speaking of practical...it's been already 2 weeks. And it feels like it's going to end so fast! So far, I like it here. Banyak benda jugak yang boleh belajar. Hehe... There's just one thing that bothers me though...

People say that if you have passion and love and enjoy every moment the task you are doing, then that is the one that suits you. Despite that I like it here, the passion is not there. Even if it is there, it is not as shining as I hope it would be... Ntah la...nak kata tak minat, maybe i do, maybe i don't. Even that I'm not so sure myself. Kalau ini pun aku dah dilema, macam mana nanti bila dah graduate and start working?

Should I force myself to do the things that I am supposed to do thinking that it is the right thing to do?

Or...

Should I search withing myself deeper to find the innermost passion that has been asleep for so long and follow it regardless of me wasting my 4 years in law school???

update

I am currently doing my law practical in a legal firm in Tawau, Sabah. This is the second day I'm undergoing this assignment. And I hope to do it will full commitment and dedication!!! yeah! (over!)

Truthfully, I still cannot believe that I am in Tawau Sabah. I mean, it's Sabah! This is the first time I am in a place where there's no relatives, or a group of friends coming along. This is a whole new version of experiences, totally different from going to National Service or Student Exchange Programme to Fukuoka. I am staying with my friend, Datin Miemi and her family for a month. So far, I enjoyed it here. It's a small town and yet a friendly one and there's many new things that I find every day. I hope to bring home some pearls for my family! hehe...

Of course, the first time or first day of my arrival to the firm, I feel a bit of an outsider. One thing is because I don't know any of them, while my friend knew them already, so there is already a bond existed. The second is because maybe I personally find myself awkward because despite speaking the same native tongue language, I am the only one who don't speak 'Baku'. Hehe... After all, it was my first day. That's just my personal problem to adaptation. Mind that I am a very difficult person to adapt into a new situation/environment and a difficult person when it comes to socializing. But it gets less awkward, thanks to the friendliness of the boss and the other workers.

At first, I don't know what have I got myself into by putting a legal firm in Sabah into my practical application, and to think that it got chosen, was completely bizarre and surprising! But then, every cloud has a silver lining right? Maybe I'll find something here. Something hidden, something memorable, something worth learning and remembering for the rest of my life, and like my acceptance here; something bizarre and truly unexpected...

p/s: just witnessed how small this world is....

Confessions of a Slim skinny Girl

Everyone wants beauty. Beautiful home, beautiful children, beautiful spouse, beautiful self...and it seems that there is this huge stereotype thinking that beauty is looking great and sexy. Great here means like that of the models; tall, curvy, skinny for the ladies...tough, six packs, tanned for the gents.

Almost everyone dreams of having skinny, slim figure. Some even starve themselves to death for it. It is as though it is a great accomplishment if you have such figure and that you will be beautiful if you are slim, and it is like the thing that can make many girls happy.

Well, it's not.

Not entirely. I've been slim and skinny for almost the rest of my life. I weigh 40kg and never put up even 1kg till now, despite that I eat a lot. On one side, I considered myself very fortunate for having a very competent and fast metabolism.I can eat a whole large pizza and never get worried of getting fat.And sometimes I smiled in pride when people compliment and said their envy of me for no need to bother undergoing diet or having to do strenuous exercise to keep my body slim, and how they wished they have my body instead.

But that's where they're wrong.

There is another side of the coin. While they are wanting to be slim like me, I so wanted to be curvy and have some flesh like them, instead of just skins and bones.Indeed, I like my body. But somehow I hope I can have just a little bit more. Being slim or skinny isn't all that fun. In my situation, despite that I can wear clothes that people can't get into, there are many situations where I want to wear clothes but couldn't because I'm just too small for it. Even if that clothes is size S. On my body, it looks like an L sized outfit. It is such a downer. I cannot do like what my sister and my friends always do when they go shopping; grab an outfit, and don't bother trying it on, because it's the common and normal size and fits them perfectly. I have to try it out, and in most situation it ends up back on the shelf because it is not my size.Just recently, I went out to buy baju kurung, but none fits me, despite that I really like some of them. I have to send it to a tailor, which will definitely cause more money than just buying a ready made one at the stores. It is very sad, and depressing for me. It makes me underestimate myself, thinking that I'm never looking good enough. It goes for other stuff. I cannot wear bracelets without having it altered, or buy rings from normal shops because none fits my boney fingers.

The saddest part of all is being teased and joked at. Sure, I never say anything, because I thought it as a joke. But frankly, it hurts. I got teased whenever I tried apparels; my friends will say: can you even fit in this? You look weird wearing it. The clothes are nice but it's not anymore when you wear them...and it goes on and on...People underestimate me when I volunteered to do something because of my size; are you sure you can do that?? better not, it's for your own good.... Excuse me, but I know my limits and my strength. And making fun of me is like a routine; be careful, you don't want to be blown away by the wind, don't wear that you look like you're shrinking, careful with the heels, you don't want to tumble up and break into pieces... And being a person vulnerable and prone to external influences, I grew up underestimating myself, feeling that I'm no good to do anything, or even capable to.I lost most of my confidence due to it. When I know I can do more, there's always a voice that crushed my spirit of proving myself to the world. Yes, I'm being pessimistic, an escapist and sensitive.

It's not that fun being skinny and slim. At all. Not fun. Don't get fooled by those models. Of course they are enjoying because they are being paid! And they are suffering to stay like that. But other people, ordinary people like us can enjoy as many food and delicacies there is in this world. So don't stupidly wished you are skinnier than what you are now, because this skinny girl would love so much to have that body of yours instead of a papan lapis figure. That is just what the media wants people to think, when you yourself are beautiful. Just put your head high and show off those beautiful curves...(i said this to myself everyday, yet, nothing changed)

No longer Black

I have some principles that I hope to hold on to for the rest of my life. Among them are no smoking or even try to, no drinking, no clubbing even if you have the chance, no betraying, and stay natural as the way God creates me. So far, those principles are still staying strong, which I have to say is a surprising and a good thing for someone who is easily influenced by anything that she finds interesting.

One of my principle is stay black. My hair that is...hope there's no misunderstanding there. hehe... yes, just like many other Asians, I have black hair, and proud of it. I seem to have this sort of thinking that black is the best colour of all. But that all changed when I set my eyes on purple. It was love at first sight, and eventually, black became number two. I used to wonder, why would anyone wants to colour their hair? Their original colour is beautiful enough. It matches with their eyes and skin tone. I used to think that those people are ungrateful and unsatisfied of what that has been given to them.

And today, I am one of them. It's no longer black. My black locks are no longer natural black like it has been for the past 22 years. I dyed my hair this evening, with the help from dearest mother. It was one new experience, I have to say. I didn't know dyeing your hair can be a messy thing to do. Not to mention the smell...ugh! I hate it!!! But in the end, I am satisfied with the result. I didn't get the exact result that I imagined in my head, but as long as people notice the colour, it's fine by me. It's not made permanently anyway...it'll go off within 2 weeks from now.

Did I regret colouring it? Somewhat. Because I realised that one of the principles have been broken. But honestly, I felt more excited than being angry of myself. True, I made changes from what has been given, but it is not something permanent, like plastic surgery. Plus, I can still perform my prayers, so that lessen the anxiousness. I guess what was I thinking when I decided to do this was that it is not wrong to try something new. Perhaps this is my only time and chance to do it. Now that I have the opportunity, I don't see the reason why I should restrain myself from trying something beyond my expectation. Of course, many will disagree...thus I sincerely apologise if this view of mine is offensive.

So now, as I am writing this, I have burgundy hair...

I know what I did Today

It feels so good to be able to go online. It reduces the boredom that is already existing inside of me. Everyday is the same routine; wake up, shower, eat, watch tv, pick up brother from school, and the same thought 'what i want to do today' in between every events.

Tomorrow, my aunt and I will be going back to Ipoh. Hopefully my laptop is fully fixed. And also hopefully the streamyx wireless at home is fixed. Need to download some forms for the one month practical. I hope everything goes smooth just as planned.

So today, apart from having sudden flu, in which i have been sneezing continuously since morning, we went shopping around KL!!! I enjoyed shopping, despite knowing the things that I have my eyes on hardly belongs to me at the end of the day. But today, I didn't really enjoyed it, mainly because of the flu. I slept in the car, and woke up still sneezing, which eventually caused my eyes to turn red and slighly swollen, giving me the look as though I have cried buckets of tears. And I hate throughout the time we walk around the city, because of its hot weather, dust everywhere, and yes, the flu.

Still, at the end of the day, it was a successful shopping. I got all that I planned to buy. We went to the textile shop first. Bought two black and white cloths. Planned to make a long dress out of the. Hopefully it can be done before I go to Sabah. Then, we explore Jalan TAR and bought some English Cotton cloths there. I bought one, since it was reasonably priced. Now that I have one, at least I don't have to worry much about what design to choose for Raya. LOL...too early to think about Raya right? Puasa pun tak habis ganti lagi, dah semangat nak kain buat baju raya...=p. We stopped by a cendol stall before we hit Sogo. And as all Malaysians have known, Sogo is one place where everyday is a sales day. Everytime we go there, there is always a sale. Dearest mother and aunts favourite place and a must to visit. As for me, being a vibrant and enthusiastic and charming teenager, I prefer places like KLCC, Mid Valley, One Utama, etc...i just like to go window shopping there. And visit Kinokuniya!!!!!! And watch movies!!!!! And hang out with my friends!!!

Anyway, in Sogo, i managed to get myself a new handbag!!!! Weeeee!!!!! Well, it's dearest mother who told me to go look for a new bag. A second bag for me to use during practical, according to her, because it seems that the bag that I have right now is not practicable or suitable enough to bring to my practial. Since it was on sale for 50%, i don't see the reason I should decline or restrain myself from having that bag...hehe....

At night, we watched Citrawarna. It was marvellous, colourful, energetic most of all, the feeling of peace, harmony and united. If only in reality we all have such spirit in our everyday life. No crisis, no blaming one another, no fighting, no racial conflicts, the world will be less painful.

p/s: looking forward to dye my hair. Burgundy is the colour!!!!! Can't wait!!!

snatch thieves go to hell!

it's been long since i last updated. For one reason is I don't have interesting ideas to write. Another reason is because the wireless Streamyx in my house got damaged due to lightning. For a moment I thought of stealing the lightning bolt, in the hopes that I can get to meet Zeus...until i realized i'm no Percy Jackson or any half blood child...lol!

Anyway, now that I'm in Kajang, my aunt's house, the wireless here is good, so now I have the opportunity to go online. I checked my facebook account, blogwalking, check my emails, downloading songs and videos and some other fun stuff you can do on the internet and not on tv.

Many things happen during the last couple of weeks. The biggest ever was what happened right in front of my house. My aunt became a victim of snatch thieves!!!!! The nerve of those jerks!!!!! It happened when the sun is right above the head..2 pm or so...and she was taking garbage outside...and all of a sudden two teenager arrived from nowhere in their red motorcycle and tried to snatch her necklace. And she didn't just give up, she fought them. But unfortunately, they managed to get the necklace. At that time, I was there, and I felt like such a loser and a no good for unable to get the necklace back. I felt like I was so weak and unable to do anything to prevent it from happening. I felt so depressed for the entire week, and until now I still feel guilty. If only i have more strength and be there earlier, all of this would've happened. I curse that two snatch thieves!!! I don't care what reason you have to do such disgusting act, it is just wrong to do that. There are so many other ways to make money, but becoming a snatch thief is not on the list.

There's nothing much to do during the holidays. Most of my friends are either working or somewhere across the ocean in some foreign countries. I thought of going to the movies but apparently there's not many interesting movies to watch, although I have my eyes on Robin Hood, the Bounty Hunter, IP Man and Shrek...i thought of watching Shrek with my little brother but it seems that my mother will disapprove because he'll be sitting for his exams next week.

I'm also counting the days to go for my practical in Sabah. And I have to say I'm more than nervous than excited. Excitement is there, because I get to travel as well as 'working' but at the same time I'm nervous. I just hope I won't be a big bother to my friend because I'll be staying with her and her family for the whole month. And oh! My siblings will be coming home from Egypt soon!!!! I miss them sooooo!!!!! Can't wait!!!!!!!! Hope everything goes well.

p/s: I'm dyeing my hair burgundy!!! surprisingly, instead of not letting me to, dearest mom is supporting enough...hehe...

Reminiscence....

Last night I helped my little brother with his homework. Well, I was more watching him than helping him actually.As he was doing it with a forced face (because he wanted to watch the television), I sat next to him, with my headphones, watching Glee from my laptop. And of course, it distracted him, and he got lazier than before in getting his homework done.

He had 3 homeworks last night; maths, agama and BM. To me, that seems to be very little and can be done in less than one hour. Duh, since you were looking at a 10 year-old homework instead of your law assignments. My brother got lazier when it came to the last homework, because he had to copy back the essay draft to make it a complete essay format. As he wrote lazily, he said "kenapalah susah sangat homework ni? Apa la cikgu ni suruh orang salin balik semua,".

I smiled as I heard his whining. Apart from him looking and sounding so cute, it reminded me that was the same sort of dialogue I used to say when I was in school. I used to grumble and complained of teachers being so mean for giving us so many homeworks. Especially my maths teachers, who often gave us tonnes of calculations to be solved. Maybe that's why my maths isn't good enough, because I often complained about maths teachers than other teachers. At that time, I thought how nice would it be to not go to school anymore. No more teachers, no more assemblies, no more uniforms, just freedom! I thought at that time nothing sucks more than going to school.

My school badge...cantik tak?? hehe

I was a nerd back then. Probably still am a nerd. I was a librarian and a treasurer, and my mother's a teacher there. She even taught my class BM, so you can imagine how it was like to have your mother as a strict teacher. And I was a choir singer, and that was one of my sweetest memory. I wasn't so active in secondary school liek I used to when I was in primary school, where I was a scout and joined many camping activities and met many friends. The one very exciting thing I had was when I got selected to go to Japan under a student exchange programme.

Now that I left school and doing my degree, I started to realise how great school was. We have less the care in the world. We went to school sent by parents or by bus, and spent around7-8 hours there and go back home. We just have to study. Compared to now, everything is to be done by ourselves. And our studies doesn't stop when the lectures stop. We have to do further research for our assignments and tutorials, and tests and exams. Compared to school, we have to divide our study time with other activities. And we have so much opportunities to spend with our friends. I really miss school, and the teachers there, and how I wished I could turn back time to be there again.

So when I heard my brother said that, I smiled. One, because I thought about it the same way he did and it was proved wrong. Two, how he will react the same way I did when he is in my situation later on. At that time, I would probably be smiling seeing him whining over his assignments while I am busy with cases to be settled.

My beloved school...SM Convent Ipoh... Love you forever...