jom!

the first time i went to watch 'korban' was when i was about 8/9 year-old
my younger brother and i were following dearest dad
at that time, i thought sembelih lembu is like sembelih ayam...main potong-potong, or potong-potong plastisin play doh dgn pisau plastik...biasalah budak-budak taknak tunjuk diorang takut...hehe
then i stood along in the crowd, watched all the procedure, from bringing down the cow to tying the cow's legs and laying down the cow, to get it prepared for the 'korban'
i remembered the cow was white...
and the moment the sharp blade slit the cow's throat all i saw was red blood...and the cow's reaction (sapa2 pernah tengok faham la kan...susah la mau explain..=p)
luckily for me i was quite far, so the blood didnt splutter and hit me on my clothes...

and that first time was the last time...
not because i was afraid, but i just cant stop picturing the image, even before it began
i didnt cry while watching it...didnt even have the time to feel sorry for the cow
i was more stunned and speechless, really
didnt even realize my little brother was not there...(dia pergi main kejar-kejar dgn kawan dia, tinggalkan aku sorang2...huhu)
maybe because i was afraid i will overreact if i watch it now...mana tau tetibe terjerit, padahal org blm start sembelih lagi...haha

this year, i managed to celebrate it at home, Alhamdulillah
enjoyed being at home, mainly because of the good food
well, you'll understand if you have to feed on maggi cup and eating at warung because your place has no other place to look for food
home cooking is the best!
but that doesnt take my mind off of my final exams which will start next sunday
and all i have to say is
I"M FREAKING OUT!
i am so not prepared...despite that i've read the notes and cases given
usually i'll be freaking out and later forgets about it, but this time, it's haunting me!
cant even sleep well
too scared...kept thinking what if i fail my exams because i am so unprepared!
and i've never felt this paranoid before!
Ya ALLAH please give me strength!

tomorrow i will be heading back to uum
something i feel so heavy to do
for one thing i dont want to face the fact that the exam is in 3 days!
another is that i hope to stay a day longer so i can watch movie with my youngest brother
he wants to watch Megamind instead of Harry Potter (what???)

and something else occurred during my stay at home...hehe
nothing big, but it is an issue for me
but i think i'll save the story later...
goodnight y'all!!!