Thursday, September 24, 2009

The Image

We've just arrived back from Kuching. Currently staying in Kajang; my aunt's house. Tomorrow will be the day we send off my brother and my sister to egypt. (sedih!)

I'd like to talk about this particular taxi driver whom I think doesn't deserve to be serving the tourist and the people who arrived at the airport. Why? He is dreadfully rude!!!!! And boastful too, for reasons God only knows what.

We took two taxi. And my parents and siblings were in that man's taxi. Upon walking to the taxi, his disrespectfulness has already being shown. he just stood there doing nothing but just looking at my father and my brother carrying all those heavy bags and put it inside his car boot. Hello! It's your job to help us with those. Tau la kitorang ni Malaysian jer, but still he showed us a really bad first impression! Not just that, siap marah2 kitorg lagi. I don't know what he stuff he puts in his boot, it looks like a tong gas (ntah..x amik kisah pn sbnrnyer), then one of our bags accidentally hit the bloody tong gas. Dia boleh marah..cakap 'wuih..nnti boleh meletup keta ni'..bengong!!! dh tau org balik dr airport bawak bag besar gedabak jgn la letak bnda yg ntah pape kt dlm bonet..

then it gets more annoying. He asked 'nk ke mana ni?' We said kajang prima. Then he sighed and said 'eh, saya tak tau tmpt tu. susah la cmni'.. A taxi driver saying such things? Bengong! if u don't know then go ask people lar. That's the function of a mulut. Jgn la pkai mulut nk marah2 merungut that time my father dh geram sangat so he did the best thing ever..diam jer..or in a more rude word..buat bodo.. not just that the driver is the most reckless driver!!! drive keta mcm drive keta dlm game..laju x hengat! roller coaster pn boleh tabik kot..The taxi driver asked him the dad just ckp 'tak tau' (when in fact he knows the road well..haha!! rasakan!!) In the end, he entered the wrong way and had to use a long way before finally reaching the right destination. And as usual, he didn't even got out of the taxi to help us carry out those bags. i think so far, he's the most disgraceful and rudest taxi driver eva!

And the sad part is..he's no other people than a malay. And wearing serban!!! U know when we see a man with serban we assumed that he is well mannered and kind hearted fellow. That is the general perception of the public. But this, is an embarrassment! He ruined the image of a person of religious, considerate and kind. He pretended to be a person of that image when he actually is not closer to the character of a person wearing serban.

This situation makes one thing clear. Never judge a person by appearance. Sometimes, a person may look good on the outside but it was another different story on the inside. Also, first impression is not everything. It is not the final key of a decision. Like going for an interview. Anyone can dress the best, with the necktie and the coat and all those colour matching accessories (sampai ada yg mengalahkan org kahwin), but in the end, it is our own performance that determines everything. It is the way we communicate, the way we answer questions and the way we convince the boss that we are the ideal choice. So, the lesson for this story is...never judge anyone based on physical appearance per se. And, if u see any taxi driver with a serban at LCCT...don't take the taxi..he might be the same person that we bullied...hahaha!

Tuesday, September 22, 2009

to my two beloved ones

Time flies really fast. My siblings and I have reached the period of adolescence now. I myself cannot believe that I am already 21 (dah boleh mengundi tu…tapi x dftar lg..bonda bising suda..huhu..)

Soon, lil bro and lil sis are going to go far away. When I say soon, it’s really soon. Next week! Yup, my baby brother and baby sister are going abroad, for nothing else but to study. They both are going to Egypt to study medic. Both are keen in this field and wish to become a medical practitioner one day. Insya Allah.

It’s not that I don’t like them going. In fact, I am very happy for them. I am beyond proud. Well, that’s the reward you get for studying hard. I’m not an industrious student back in my school days, that’s why my results are only satisfactory. And that is why too, I cannot go abroad to study. Now that they receive the chance, I see it in a way that they helped me to realize my dream, despite that it is not what they are doing and despite that they don’t know this deep down additional feeling of mine. At least they make a better example for our youngest sibling since I failed to be the best example for them.

Deep down, I am worried and bereaved. You will feel the same when the siblings we see almost everyday and every time we came home will never be there again for a period of time. And 6 years is no short time. Furthermore, they hardly have been away from family for a long time. And if they did, they have the chance to come home at least once a month or once a week. So, of course I will miss them terribly. Everyone will feel the same.

One thing I hope they bear in mind is that to do their very best over there. Don’t ever take studying abroad for granted and never treat it as a vacation until and unless the examinations and the semesters are over. Remember that it is not easy especially for our parents to send the both of you there. I hope both can take care of each other while they are there and don’t ever lose trust on each other. No matter how close a friend or a lover can be, nothing beats the family bond, regardless of how bad or good the family is. When you have problems, turn to nothing but Allah SWT and you shall find the best solution. And when you’ve receive the degree in medic, return back to where you belong; to your motherland. Serve the best to your religion, your people and your country and especially to family.

My prayers are always with you. Love you two very much...

sure as sunrise, pure as a prayer

you arrived into this world with nothing but innocence and purity
unaware, untouched by sins and evils of reality
your smile cure a person's woe
your laugh soothes all who listens
you are everything but a burden
a gift so precious given by God
lights up a life and brings meaning to others

this is written dedicated to my niece. We call her nurul; which means light or 'cahaya'. As beautiful as her name, she lightens every person's heart who chanced upon her.
May she grow to be a wonderf
ul and successful person regardless of all pains and troubles that has to be bear throughout the period of raising her.

I will try my best for you

I just found out something that to me is unexpected. I didn't have any clue about this. And this has really made me think and appreciate with what that has been given.

My previous post I wrote about my uncertain feeling and dilemma about my future profession. What will I do as my career? Will I do well if I decided to be fully involved in the legal profession? Most of all, will I be regretful of the decision that I'm gonna have to decide?

Then, one day my father told me something that he never told me or any of my siblings before.

"mula-mula ayah sik mok jadi cikgu. Cikgu ni bukan cita-cita asal,tapi ayah dpt cikgu,"
"laa..yeke? kitak mok jadi apa dolok?"
"ayah mok jadi peguam"

That was my father's ambition. A lawyer. My father wanted to be a lawyer, or at least a member of the justice system. He wanted to be in a profession that I used to hate and yet I got it. When I heard about it, I was dumbfounded. It strucked me really hard (tersentap la...). Little did I know that my father would've wished to be in a position I am in if he was given the opportunity. But luck wasn't on his side. Nevertheless, he succeeded in what he is doing right now. He is a wonderful secondary and a tution teacher. He even received 'guru cemerlang' award for his efficiency, commitment and hard work.

It became an eye opener for me. I am considered lucky for being given the opportunity by Allah to be able to study in law, a professional course. A course which enables me to be involved in many things that can benefit the environment and the society. Of course, I couldn't get what I wanted, but at least the second chance I received is far better than never. It doesn't matter what we receive, the most important thing is we make great use and take every golden opportunity that it offers to make it as best as possible.

So, now I no longer worry as much as I worried before. Yes, there are still doubts in myself of my own capability in pursuing law, but taking my father as the best example, I must do and make use the opportunity that I have to be the best as I possibly can. Perhaps my true calling will appear by itself, and when that happens, I know what I have to do next is just to step forward without looking back anymore.

I will try my best to fulfill the dream and ambition that my father was unable to achieve...

Sunday, September 20, 2009

my granny my opah

Everyone has a granny. At least one. Some have one, two, three and even four grannies! (poligamy ler ni..haha!). Like me, I have two grannies. But I'd like to express more on my granny on my father's side. We call her opah.

It's still clear in my mind that when I was small, I sometimes sat next to opah and told her evrything that I could think of. And since I was a bookworm at that time, I used to tell her stories and fun facts that I read. I remembered telling her that papayas have lots of vitamin c that can heal an injured wound or a cut. I told her anything without really bother whether she really listened and being attentive or not. But actually, she did. She listened and remembered some of those that I told her. She even told me that she ate some papayas and it was true that it cured her wound. She was attentive to my words and acts.

Now, things are different. Opah hardly remembers. Not because she doesn't want to, but she cannot. Opah has becoming forgetful. She finds it difficult to find her keys. She forgets where she keeps her money. She couldn't recall whether she has eaten or not. She even forgets where she placed her glasses, when she is actually wearing it. She has become more sensitive too. She gets offended easily. My family, uncle and aunt have tried to persuade her to come and live with us, but she refused. She doesn't want to leave her house empty. The house has kept so much memories that she can ever recall.

Now, I'm studying at a university far north. I hardly visits and see her. I no longer sits next to her and told her stories and experiences that I've encounteres. I feel really guilty for not being able to accompany her and entertain her as I used to. Dear opah, I'm really sorry for not spending time with as much as you have spent your time with me and my siblings when we were young. I'm sorry that I wasn't so attentive and concern of your health and your whereabouts. And I'm sorry that I cannot do anything to help you reduce your forgetfulness. I pray for you to always be healthy and happy. And I want you to know that I love you very much and I remember you every day although I don't always see, visits and talk to you. Love you, granny.

Learning loving the law

I planned to blog about this the night I've arrived back in ipoh. But it seemed that the journey back from uum has made me exhausted.

That night, after tarawikh with my family, I was given a question by my parents. It wasn't a complicated question but it took me a long time to give the best answer to it. And it got me thinking a lot about it.

"What's your future plan? Nak jadi apa lepas grad?"

It was a simple straight forwarded question which I could answer directly and confidently. But instead, I stunned. In my head there were numerous types of job that I could think of, but none of those were not what I really want to do as a future career.

"I don't know yet" That is the only answer I could give. And as a result I received an extra lecture for my unsureness.

It got me thinking far back from where it all started. After the SPM. I didn't get any offers from any of the applications I sent. That was a frustrating moment as I really want to further my studies. Then fate has it that I got accepted into the UiTM law foundation programme. My aunt excitedly called in early morning.
"kitak dapat asasi law uitm"

At that time I was anything but happy and excited. Law wasn't my choice at all! buT I still go through it since that is the only choice I have. It has been 3 years now I hold the title as a law student. Some may think that I have started to be interested in this course and is able to think of my future career.

The truth is, I don't know. I don't know that all the studying and doing the assignment the best as I can is actually for the benefit of the future or just to earn a good pointer and CGPA. It really terrifies me that I don't remember all that has been thought and studied since I first started. What will happen when I start to work? It'll be a disgrace to myself and family for not being able to be a good legal practitioner. What's the point of studying if u don't remember anything?

Seriously, I'm terrified whenever I thought of this. I planned to further Masters right after degree but what will I do after that? Like my father said "u can't just study forever". I can't seem to find my ideal career yet. I am yet to find my true calling. I just hope that the time will come when I am finally certain and determined to make one job as my fixed career.

Tuesday, September 15, 2009

do you think so?

If you love somebody, there is nothing happier than to see the beautiful smile on their faces knowing that they are having wonderful and happy moments of their life. But how can we know if the person is happy and blissful?

To those fortunate and lucky souls out there who have found their dearest person, it is quite easy to tell, and considering that they always keep in touch with each other. The least they are able to do if they cannot see each other everyday is making a phone call or at least a simple yet caring text message; to show that they are remembered and cared for. (ceh, cam jiwang semacam jer!)

Nevertheless, there are some who are not so lucky. Why? Well, probably because they are still putting hopes and faith on the person whom they adore to feel the same way as they do. Perhaps these individuals are not so lucky to be involved to a person who doesn’t share the same feeling. It can come from various reasons. Maybe the person they love hates them instead of liking, maybe the person they love belongs to someone else, and there are also a situation where the person they love is no longer around (this is up to your interpretations on the meaning of ‘no longer around’). It is a hurtful emotion to bear with. I know because I’ve been in the situation where the cupid is not really on my side.

But what can we do? Emotion is not something we can force people to have. We can force a person to laugh, cry, sleep and even eat but to love is rather impossible. Of course, for some people who like the person so much (a.k.a obsessed) will try their best to impress and create the attention. Some will act the way that they know the person likes, some often send things regardless of how costly it is and some are really brave that they really show the person that they like them, despite the fact that they are aware that what they do is either not replied or ignored. So, just like the phrase written earlier. If we adore and love a person, nothing is happier than to see them happy.

It doesn’t mean that we have to be with him/her just to make them happy. It’s enough to see from far that they are valuing their life and living it to the fullest. Of course, it is sad for not having the chance to share the happiness together but that is not a big matter. If the person belongs to someone else, as long as they are happy with it, we can be happy too. If the person is no longer around, their memories and their image will make us happy just by thinking of it. If the person hates instead of liking, let them be. At least we are on the winning side because nothing good hardly comes from hating people. Perhaps we can be with them y being a really good and supporting friend. A friend is an important person already. There are some things that only a friend can understand regardless of how small those little things are. So, since we are unable to share what we want to with the person we love why not we share the certain little things that they want to share. Who knows, maybe this simple act of kindness and care will give a handsome reward in future.

Saturday, September 12, 2009

Which Is Better?

Is it better to ignore or better to show? Is it better to hate than to love? Is it better to be nonchalant than to care?

Those are some of the questions that I often heard from. Among those, there is one that I thought of it myself. Another one is asked from somebody and the other one is just merely written. It seems that not many people asked about this, since this is not an important issue to be taken notice or to be concerned of.

I think it all depends on the situation. There are numerous situations that we can choose from. Since I am currently in an emotional and numb mood, I prefer to talk it on human relationships. It is up to you, either to precede reading or just leave it knowing that it will be another boring story of me and my sighing on what is happening in my life. I’m not really good in expressing my anger, sadness in a normal shouting or talking to other people way. Perhaps it’s because of my difficulties in trusting people and perhaps it is because I think this problem of mine isn’t worthy to be released as such. So, since the emotion is still rumbling inside, I prefer to write down on how I feel and think on certain issue or certain things.

Back to the topic. Is it better to ignore than to show that we are concern about a particular person. To some, most of them will say that it should be shown. Perhaps it is their situation that allows them to do as such. Nevertheless, to some, they prefer to keep silent and ignorant. They prefer to pretend not to know than to actually show their concern. Why do they do this? Well, there are numerous reasons why. One of it is maybe because of it is the nature of the person itself unable to show the concern side of them. Another reason is perhaps the person whom they are concern and care for isn’t the one worth the care. The other reason is maybe because the person concerned itself knows that it is pointless to be caring and concern for a person that probably has no idea of their existence.

I think what I wrote here is kinda confusing. Maybe I can elaborate more. The person who concerns hereinafter referred to as A while the person whom they concerns for will be referred to B. What I mean is that perhaps A chose to be ignorant because they knew that their concern over B is useless and pointless. Why? Most probably is because B does not share the same sort of emotion and care for A. It is as though the person has an unreplied message from the person that they care. Why waste time for a person who doesn’t even care on anything about us? It sounds cruel but it’s better that way than to be concerned but in the end finding it to be pointless because B does not appreciate or value or remember any of it.

I wish to write more on this but right now, I’m feeling a little bit under the weather. Or maybe I’m just sleepy. Haha! Anyways, this is all I can say for now. I will write on a second series if I ever find myself able to write it down in an easier and more understanding way. But for now, I bid adieu to all.