Wednesday, January 26, 2011

I don't wanna hold your hand

I never once feel attractive...

Yes, I am that insecure of myself.

Even when I was in love few years ago.

Despite thinking that I was lucky enough to have a caring and understanding partner, I still feel the extra need and effort to try to be as pretty as can be for him. So that he won't be disappointed and regretful. Even if it cost be some money.

Nevertheless, this person I used to date, although complimented me sometimes, there will always be something else at the end of the sentence. Like, he would say, 'Yeah, you're cute, but if you put on a little weight and have some curves, you'll be much more cuter!'

See my point?
Why should there be a 'BUT' in the compliment? What is wrong with my current appearance? The one that God has given to me? Why would you want me to change for something that I am already grateful enough? It's a totally different story if you are talking about my character or attitude, because that is changeable, but not this.

I may sound too demanding, but in my perspective, a person will love and accept someone whom he or she loves regardless of how much shortcomings or talents that they own. The last thing a girl would want to hear from a boy she adores is him telling her that she needs to make some changes in her physique because it is not attractive enough for him.

Do bear in mind that the person is insecured enough with herself, and she doesn't need anyone else to tell that she's not perfect, that she's not enough for him. What's the point of being with him anyways...if the change is only for the pleasure of only one party; which is clearly not you.
This is what I always remind myself of. I have been very insecure with myself for a very long time. I want to feel satisfied with what I have first. I want to feel beautiful first, and loving myself first. Before I allow someone new into my life.

Monday, January 24, 2011

I'm engaged

with who, you asked?

Well...with civil and criminal procedures, evidence, professional practice, and jurisprudence!! won't they make good husbands??? =D
but wait...I forgot, no bigamy allowed...LOL!

Ok, that's just a lame prologue...LOL!
Hello, to all...whoever reading this...thanks a lot for visiting this humble blog of mine...
So sorry for not updating much, the uni where I currently am decided to not allow students to blog, slowing down the internet connection, hence failure for me to login and write a post here..hmph!

It's still the early month of the semester, and also of the year, but I've already felt the tense and the stress, no...not due to studies, but to some ridiculous rules that for me is just irrational to be implemented to! I refuse to talk much about it, had said and cursed quite a lot trying to keep a good girl image this year...huahuahua!!!

Many things have already taken place in the early month of the year too...hehehe...for some, it's developing and self improvement towards becoming a better person. For others is the discovery of a new side or a new character from a person we thought we knew so well about. And there are also those who have been bitten by the love bug! is in the air!!! and it's not even Valentine's yet! hehehehe!

As for me..well...I think I belong more to the first categrory...discovering and self improvement. It's my final semester now and I can already feel the heat of the hectic atmosphere derives from the adult, working world. Less rest, less fun, more work, more commitment and more money! (oopss....pls ignore the last one! haaa!!) I'm so near to leaving my not-so comfort zone and step into the world of reality..the REAL reality! hahaha....

Well, it's going to be really sad, leaving all my beloved friends, and it's going to be a real challenge to try and take charge of ourselves. All decisions, all actions, and all consequences will depend entirely on more asking parents...well, not totally, just less often asking for their opinions... It's going to be rough! ain't no sunny sunshine path anymore.

Storms and blizzards and even tornados might come and try to crash you, but in the end, it's the amount of perseverance, and spirit that determines whether or not we can reach the island, or in this case,our goal in life.

That is all... =)

p/s: pardon me if the metaphors I use are over the top...heh... =p

Thursday, January 13, 2011

sentap ke?

Ok, just because...

I smile a lot, I laugh every moment, I make jokes most of the times,

Does not mean that I don't have a tiny cell of annoyed, exasperated, angry, frustrated, or pissed off feelings inside me.

Hell, to tell the truth, I have those feelings a lot! I just don't show it to people. Because I thought nobody wants to see an angry or annoyed person and nobody likes to be with them in that situation. Kononnya I am being considerate towards those around me. Unfortunately, due to that, some people don't take me seriously and thought it is always alright with me if ever they said or did something that they knew will offend me. They'll be like 'oh don't worry, she aint getting mad...she never does!'

Most of the times, yeah, I act like it was no big deal, and that I will cool off in no time.
But there comes a time where I just have had enough!
No more of this effing crap!!
I'm tired of people fooling me around. No more jeopardizing myself after this.
Sure, sometimes it is fine to make sarcastic and lame jokes about me; my physique, my studies, my actions, my mistakes or whatever things you can think of.
But too much of it just makes me feel like slapping them and say it right to the face, 'that ain't fucking funny!'
I'm not amused or cool with it anymore. Just take those silly jokes somewhere else and do it on other people. But not me. Coz I don't want anymore of it.
I'm patient at most times...and that is one thing I like about myself. not take it for granted.
Do not try my patience...
I might do something that I'll regret and that can cost whatever relationship I have with the person...
And when I dislike a person, it'll highly unlikely for me to like them again as I used to.
I make jokes too...but I know my limits. I know which issue or what subjects that shouldn't be joked about.
Some people just don't get it.
Sarcasm or lame jokes are fine at most times...
But too much of it will make me feel so sick of it! Too much of it will make me damn annoyed, pissed off and hate it. A lot.
And I definitely will not miss it, because it's no longer funny.
It's insulting. And degrading.


it's official!

I can never stop loving the Phantom!


Sunday, January 9, 2011

naik pentas jom!

kita buat konsert ramai-ramain nanti nak?!


I checked my exam result this morning...I had to get up really early for fear of having the uum portal system jammed up again like last night. Penat jari ni tekan 'refresh' tak dapat-dapat. Rasa nak hentak je komputer tu...LOL!

Fortunately, it was an easy one this morning. Maybe because not many people are up yet? I've no idea..and while waiting for the page to load, I can't stop feeling nervous. Tau tak perasaan yang sangatlah nervous sampai kita sakit perut macam nak terberak? Then bila pergi tandas tak rasa apa-apa pulak! Haaa...that was the feeling I had. Waiting anxiously for the page to appear. Time mcm ni la ko nak loading lama-lama kan...

Trying to reduce the nervousness, I opened my facebook page in another tab. Just as I opened a new tab, I saw a glimpse of the result transcript appeared. And I saw something written in Red!! OMG! Did I fail my subjects??!!! So pretend to be calm on the outside but super nervous deep inside, I clicked the portal page and voila! I found myself looking at the results....!!!!!!

How is it? My results? U really wanna know???

Before that, let me give you a hint of how my result turned out to be...

After our exams, I was feeling really depressed and frustrated. I did really bad. Perhaps my worst performance yet. I didn't put the blame on anyone. You reap what you sow, right? My worst performance was perhaps Civil Procedure and Criminal Procedures. But the former subject was by biggest concern. So, while I was driving back home alone in my car, I said to myself; Dear God, if You at least give me a C for my Civil Procedure, I'll fast for one day. Puasa nazar la orang kata...

And after looking at my results, I must settle the debt that I made. Because not only did I passed, God gave me a better grade than the one that I hoped. I didn't get into the Dean's List though, but I don't mind at all. What's important is that I passed every subjects, with better grades than what I had anticipated before.

About the thingy written in Red? That wasn't the results. It was just some statement stating my overall result throughout the semesters...

Alhamdulillah...Thank You Allah S.W.T

Friday, January 7, 2011

saya di KL

I'm currently enjoying my stay here in KL...

I stayed for two nights at my ex-roomate's house, Teh.
She was my roomate during my law foundation years in UiTM...and those times are great times! since we have 4 people per room, there's always something to talk about! and what made things more fun, my roomates were in different classes, so that doubles the stories and the dirts in their classes...
I was more close to my roomates than my classmates. Back then, and I think it is does, there'll always be gangs. But since I was hardly with them except in class, I didn't really belong or stayed in one gang. Of course I have close friends where I always hang out and talk with in class, but if we were hanging out outside or eating, it's always with my roomates. Usually with Teh and Waney. Unfortunately Waney couldn't make it to meet us here in KL...

Anyways, we had a surprise birthday party for her mum. We went to Sogo, since there's always a sale there...we got her a Sembonia bag and also a Maxmara perfume. I love the smell of the perfume! It's really addictive!!! hope to get it for myself next time! Then, we went to buy a moist chocolate cake written 'Happy Sexy 51 Ibu'! hehe...coz 'happy birthday' sounds too common for someone so special...back at home the house helper, Kak Manila has already prepared pasta for us. The surprise was a huge success! Her mum really was surprised! coz she herself forgot that that day was her birthday...hehehe...I love doing surprise parties!!!! (hope someone can do one for me...LOL!)

I also had the chance to meet my classmates when I visited UKM! I love it! I miss them so much and they were all so excited as I was! Unfortunately, there was lecture going on, thus I didn't have the chance to hang out with them longer...

I absolutely had a great time!
That is until I found out UUM decided to make this one rule not to allow students to bring their own transportation...
Excuse me??!!! Are you really serious!? What the heck!
There's one purpose we bring cars and that is because the bus service is totally inefficient! They made students wait for an hour while they had their breakfast and smoke cigarettes at the mamal stall. What the hell is that! plus we are situated in the secluded area of Kedah, having our own transport will make things easier for us!
Come on, claim to be the best management university in the country, but this rule is unacceptable! Please for once, think rationally and make a rule that is useful and convenient for us...! Please!

Saturday, January 1, 2011

east west home's best!


i had a great day today!

i think it's a pretty good start for a new year... =D

I went to meet my high school friends; Stefanie and Audrey...Shoba couldn't make it, so did Amy...=(
I was so excited when I saw them! We gave each other a great big hug and couldn't stop smiling!!
Anyways, we had such long hours of chatting! mainly on what's currently happening and reminiscing the good old days when we were highschool students...didn't realize how much i missed it until we were all sitting together and thinking about the same thing!!!
face it, i haven't seen them in ages...despite living in the same town, our uni seems to have different calendars when it comes to semester we really used the time well...i talked non stop till i almost lost my voice!! lol!

and then See Mun came, and doubled up the fun! we talked more than we ate! it seemed that our table was one of the noisiest there...talking, laughing, joking and taking as many pictures as we possibly could.

just as i thought it was one hell of a got better!!!
Rupi was back in Ipoh!!!!!!!!!!
I was sooooooo excited!!!! It has been 5 years!
the last time i saw her was when we went to pick our SPM results, and then I had to go for PLKN and we lost contact because she went to India for further studies...
I was with Audrey in Vincci helping her to choose what shoes to buy, and in walked Rupi and I immediately embraced her tight! really don't want to let go! and Rupi was crying!! tears of joy! then Stef and See Mun came and again the people in Vincci witnessed our 'Jejak Kasih' moments...
i cant say how happy i was to see my friends back again! all those great times come back to me, and i never felt so excited as this for a long time...

the day seems to go faster...
i planned to go to KL this the hope to see my ex-roomate when I was in UiTM, coz I didn't get to meet her last year and celebrate her birthday... =( hope that she'll be available...
and the girls will be in KL too! Audrey and Stef will be going back to UM, See Mun will be back to KL to her office, and Rupi will be going there as well to visit her relatives!!! I'm looking forward for another meet up!!

I bought some nice things for myself as well! Jusco tengah sale giler-giler! so apalagi...beli la benda yang selama ni aku nak! lol!

yessss!! everytime I go to a Mall, it is a MUST to visit the bookstore!! regardless of how small or big it is. So I bought this book because it mentioned at the synopsis that it is something similar to Pygmalion, which is one of my favourite! And I thought it would be interesting to read a modern version of Pygmalion. I've read a few pages already, and so far, I'm enjoying it! =)

Hehe! I'm beginning to prefer Seventeen to Cleo! One reason is that Cleo has many ads and it's kinda thick! And another silly reason is that I find Seventeen is more colourful than Cleo!

I finally got myself a powder brush! It's a normal one, which I bought from Guardian. I think it makes it easier for me to use it for my mineral face powder foundation.

And I finally got myself a nude colour lipstick!!!! It bought this at Guardian too! And it was on Sale!!!! I applied it when we went to buy dinner...and I love the colour at first sight!! It's from Revlon, Soft Nude code 070

So there you have it!!! How I spent my first day of the new year. I hope this year will bring more joy and success to me, my family, and my friends. Love them all to bits. Amin.


p/s: unfortunately, I didn't bring my camera when I went out with the girls...hope they won't forget to tag me in facebook...haha!