Thursday, December 31, 2009

Wednesday, December 30, 2009

Shhh...It's a secret!

I have something to write about...

Something that I've never told anyone before...

Except for the readers, well, you're about to find out what...

But before that...


Can you keep the secret?

Another a year and a half...then I'll be graduating as a law student. (Insya Allah).

Honestly, I am surprised of myself for able to survive until now. I still remembered vividly the early times I enrolled as a law student. I always thought of a way to get out of it. I don't want to be in law. It's not an inch of my interest. I thought of exchanging courses often.

To tell the truth... I never liked law.

I had options...but I chose law.



Because the other option requires more than I could've imagined. And I don't want to be more burden to my parents. I have other siblings, they have their necessities too. The other choice is what I wanted. But it came with a price. A very high price. And at that time, I don't think it's right for me to accept it, even if I have already secured a place at the Institute.

Nope, I don't think it's a noble thing to do. I don't even know if that was the right thing to do. I just don't know. If I tell this to my family, they won't believe. I know, and I don't mind. I think it's better for them to think that I wasn't sure of what I wanted to do at that time than to think that I did it because I don't want to put more burden on them. It'll offend and hurt them really bad.

Nevertheless, there is always a silver lining in every cloud, regardless of how gloomy the cloud is. I started to see law at a different angle. It wasn't as manipulative as most people say. It's not a filthy way to make earnings for living. It's a good field, because it help those who are unable to speak for themselves.

Besides that, I learnt and grasps experiences that I probably didn't get if I go to another place. Although not extreme, but it is enough to open my eyes that everything and everyone is not what we expect them to be. I met wonderful people that decorates my life with warm, dark, bright and gloomy colours. Regardless of in what way they treated me, I still see them as a bless, because each and everyone of them carried a lesson worth learning and worth remembering.

I can't say I am very happy and satisfied with current situation. But I have choices, and I chose the least fancy one. Perhaps it's not what I wanted, but maybe this choice will bring something different and unexpected that can change my life. I just have to embrace it and make the best of it.

All I can certainly say is...

I am very grateful for everything...

Monday, December 28, 2009


choice...Lady's Choice (sedap!)

Tetiber je!

haha...we all have choices. In everything that we do everyday and everywhere with everybody. And it differs too. Some choose black, but we choose white. Some choose left but we choose right. All is up to us and no one else.

Like attitude or character of a person. Sure, we can say he or she is from a good family, who goes to a good school, and will soon end up being a good person. But that is all we can do...just SAY. We cannot determine that it will turn out to be exactly what we want. Because everything is on the person.

Of course, there will be some influences that will affect the choice we made, but nothing beats the choice of the heart. What the heart really wants, and agreed by mind and body that it is what suits them best. People often see or judge a person through the person's environment.

Schools for example. When a person goes to a village school, the hopes of him or her becoming successful is less than those who goes to an urban, city school. That's the way some people see things. Of course, not everyone. Like when a girl went to say, a convent school, there is a good impression there already because of the school's reputation. People will see her as being fluent in English, very feminine and girly, or to some, may see the girl as a show off. People have different sorts of colours. But not all convent girls end up like that. Take yours truly. I've been a convent girl since standard one, but i don't find make-up is a necessity, i don't see fashion as exciting, and i'm not fond of the idea of cheerleading. But I do admit Convent school helped me improve my English. Thanks to my beloved, dedicated teachers.(love them all!). A student from a religious school too may decide to take a different lane from other students. People's impression is a religious school student will always be religious, wearing 'tudung labuh' and 'kopiah' every single day. But do all of them end up like that?

I may sound too much on those statements, but that is how I feel. That is just the bubble we live in. The public, the society will always be critical. That is the way they try to create a world that they like, that they feel comfortable with. That thy feel safe living in. I am not excluded. I criticise about almost everything, because I want to feel safe, and comfortable in going through life. And I receive critics everyday too. They asked me to do this, to do that, to wear this, to walk like that, to behave like such and such...and it ends there. It only starts again when I made a choice to do one of the things that I received from the critics. One that I know and hopeful that it can lead to an improvement in myself. The critics never sleeps, but despite that, they cannot change anything unless i choose to follow. Like I said, we have choices that is up to us to decide which suits us the most. How we feel comfortable and safe in. What makes us, us. What suits US, not THEM. Love ourselves first, be satisfied with what and how we are, before we want to help and satisfy others.

Even when it comes to voice of the heart; love. Love cannot be forced, but there is always choices. And choices differs in everyone. We can choose to love and wait for a person who doesn't notice us, or we can accept a love from a person who we have no feelings for but who saw you when you were invinsible.

We are what we choose to be...

I Wish...

For this year to be a different year than other years. Better or worse, I refuse to have any anticipation. Let the fate decide. Whatever it is, I hope that my mind, body, soul, and emotion can handle it the way I want them to. We can never see the future, but we definitely see the changes in ourselves as the future approaches. Time changes everything regardless if it is just by a millisecond.

Okay, I'm crapping again. As usual. Well, the real purpose of writing this is to list down some resolutions, of which I so hopefully be able to fulfill. People make resolutions, but only some able to fulfill them all. As for others, those resolutions they so enthusiastically made turned out to be like old newspaper. We noticed it, but ignore it. Anywho, these are my resolutions for the new year. (semangat lebih!)

-please please please be more industrious! get those lazy bones going!
-continue my violin class. (hope to play better)
-please please please be tidier!!! (erk! mcm susah jer...)
-hope i can grasp more confidence than before. (i'm actually, seriously very coy and pessimistic)
-try not to get involve in any form of silly crushes and puppy love or monkey love (cinta nyet)
-reduce, or better erase that blur attitude of yours. Be more alert!
-be matured! (parents always say this)
-hope to be healthier
-try not disappoint parents and family. (I've been a disappointment for some time actually)
-Be closer to God
-Love myself

There's so much I would like to make amends. The last three is actually the ones that I want to accomplish the most. I know I'm never going to accomplish all. The hardest thing to do is to improve. But perhaps by writing them down, it can be made as a reminder...

I hope it will.

footnote: tergerak nk tulis post ni lepas tgk post cik miemi...tetibe je jeles..hehe...

Friday, December 25, 2009


OMG! why does things always go awry at the time we thought things are going to get smooth??
Just when I decided to be friendly and caring, one stupid unsupposedly to happen thing occurred. And hell yeah I am angry and frustrated of myself. Thinking how stupid could I be?!! It is not even supposed to happen!

If only you know that it was a miscommunication. I was thinking of one thing and you were thinking of another one. I am dreadfully sorry if I offended you. Well, actually, I did offend you, inadvertantly. And God I am feeling so guilty right now. Looks like our minds don't think alike; and that is the root to the problem.

Why? Just when I thought of being friendly, caring and helpful, something happened that made my intention looked ugly...Why?!! Do I not deserve to be blissful for that few minutes??

I feel like knocking my head on the wall and scream my head of right now!!! God, I really want to tell you that it is all a stupid mistake.

I'm feeling so stupid and so angry at myself right now. Darn it!

Tuesday, December 22, 2009

A Thought

It's been a while since i write any post. Well, I'm currently being very busy. You know, being a career woman, there's meetings, negotiations, clients, travelling here and there, attending dinners... my hands are tied. Plus, i have a wedding on the way...

Haha! In my dreams! But wouldn't that be nice? To have a successful life, and having to finally found the right person to share our joy and tears together. Fantasy certainly serves better than reality, which often bites. But then, it's those bites that teaches us the survival tips. You know what they say; experience is the best teacher.

well, last few days, before I went away for an important meeting (ceh!), I was watching a video in Youtube and that video just totally blew me away. It was a beautiful video. A wonderful moment to witness, and I could've shed buckets of tears if if my aunt wasn't sitting next to me watching Oprah. My image as a steel woman must be preserved at all times. (perasan).

Perhaps most have already watched the video. It earned more than 5000000 views! Impliedly, it can be said it is quite a famous video. The video is simple. Involving two men and a lion. But what it is about is the magic of it. They have such a bond, a bond so strong that despite years apart, the lion still recognised them. It is an animal, but there is still love in it and the lion cherished the moments and the love that the two men have given.

That just shows love is a very strong potion. If it can still make such magic between animal and human, imagine how much wonders can it do with humans, who have brains, who understand what love is more than a wild lion. A lion; , among the most dangerous and feared animal on the planet, that eats other animals, and it could have done the same to the two men, but it embraced them instead.

Imagine how beautiful the world will be if we all have such love with one another. Of course, we all have a bad side, but why choose vengeance and hatred when we can have friendship, care, and love? We claimed ourselves to be the smartest creature that roams the Earth, clearly we can see what is the best choice. Not just for us, but for everyone. It will definitely make the world a completely different place to live in.

Monday, December 14, 2009


Actually, i don't know what to write. Just want to exercise my fingers. Haha!

My aunt has been claiming her recipe book since last two days, and I haven't finished copying it all down. There's quite a lot or writings and my hands doesn't seem to enjoy to do any writing work. Mentang2 la dh lama x pegang pen. Ceh!

This Thursday my we are going to my uncle's house to help him preparing majlis aqiqah for his daughter. We'll be doing lots of work, i can assure that. Well, at least I can have some time playing with my little cousin. And my very first niece will be there too. So that means it's twice the fun! (hopefully..) hehe...

Lastly...I would like to ask...

sape nak ikut pergi Langkawi cuti mid sem nanti????

That is all.

Thursday, December 10, 2009

Expect The Unexpected!

This is the day...the day of truth...the day to face one of the things that manage to make my heart beat fast, my hands cold and shivers on my neck...

Ok..cut the crap.. That's too metaphoric and too poetic...

It's not that big of a matter actually. The words up there is suitable for those who are getting married, or who is entering the International Moot Competition and those who are up to the most important job and task to do! Back to the main scope of the title...This refers to...

My exam results!!!

And yes, I was expecting something, but it turned out otherwise. All I can say is Alhamdulillah and I'm very grateful to Allah S.W.T for the results obtained.

It's not that high...but it's improving. Much better than previous semesters. And no, I didn't make it to the Dean's list. A list that is a dream for all university students. A list that I so dyingly wished to be in once..during the early years of my semesters as a law student. But now, I don't know why, but I seem to have no interest at all to make it to the Dean's list. That is so unambitious of me!

Perhaps now I'm more focussed on improving myself for my own benefit than trying to prove myself to people. Before, I studied aiming for the Dean's list just for the purpose that people will notice me and have a certain impression that I want them to see me as. But now, I think proving to yourself that you can improve and be a better person is what matters first. So, it doesn't matter if I didn't reach the list, as long as I know that I'm improving myself, my personality as I move on. Maybe my results doesn't help much for me to acquire my dream job, but I hope the improvement I did to myself will help.

I know some...well..most may not agree with how I think. But that doesn't matter. Everybody's different. I'm satisfied with what I have because it's worth the effort I gave. And I know if I put more effort and work harder, the reward too will be better.

And the best thing is...I have no regret and disappointment.

Wednesday, December 9, 2009

a thought for the day

"A picture holds a thousand words..."

I'm sure many are familiar with this phrase. The definition..well, I think I don't have to elaborate it here. Hehe..(padahal mls sbnrnyer..=p). That is what we say about pictures. A picture can give out many interpretations to many. Some may see it as beautiful, some may see it as nothing but nonsense, some see it as a picture not worth anything. Bottom line, it's all the matter of seeing it from either the positive or the negative angle.

But what about human expressions? Gestures? Facial expressions? Is it right to interpret it similar to interpreting pictures?

One thing that differenciate a picture and human: Human have a heart and a mind. We have the power to decide and to control what we want and how the world see us. We can put up a happy face all the time, but deep down, we don't feel the exact way. Our face acts as a mask, like that of the masquerade mask, that serves the purpose to hide our true colour. A painter can describe his or her feelings through their pictures, but not all can be transferred into pictures. The pictures are only the ones that the painter wants to share it with others. An individual will want their very own secret to keep too. Of course, not all people hides their true feelings. Some prefer to show what exactly they felt rather than keeping it to themselves, for it can be detrimental.

I don't really sure what I am trying to say here. I just can't seem to find the right words to explain. But what I can say is that keeping feelings to ourselves is good at certain times, but if we become too secretive and prefer to keep it all to ourselves and refuse to share it to people, it can cause us to be a sad person. We will always be conscious about what people think. We will have less confident and a low self esteem. It can hurt us. There is a time where we need to share it with other people, like our friends and our family members, because it will help to heal the injured heart. It can be as a sort of therapy, and we will feel less burdened than keeping it to ourselves. Of course, everyone wants to be strong and courageous, but we have our limits and it does not mean that when we talk to someone or share the problems to someone, we are not strong. We are strong for having the courage to share it with people whom we trust. Not only that, it can be an eye opener to see whether we have friends who are with us through thick and thin or just a friend who are only there during fair weather. Perhaps by talking to people, they can help to solve the problem and give good advice that can lead and motivate us for improvement to be a better person. We will learn to love ourself more.

Another way I want to portray life:

"Life is like a Kaleidoscope"

*open for interpretation...=)

Tuesday, December 8, 2009

Hidup Berani Untuk Gagal

Have you ever noticed that whenever you entered a bookstore, any bookstore at all; be it MPH or Popular or Minerva or Pustaka Mukmin in Kuala Lumpur, there is always at least one book on the shelf with the title 'Dare to Fail'. This book, wonderfully written by Bili P.S. Lim is one of the No. 1 bestsellers, and has motivated and inspired his readers on striving their way to success despite enduring countless amount of failure.

I once thought of something when I saw the book. Why must we dare to fail? And why would anyone want to risk to experience failure in the first place? At that time, I thought that failure will not come if we have put in our best effort and innermost passion in anything that we indulge. Just like a saying; no pain, no gain. At that time, I thought failure will come to those who are indolent and simply taking for granted the opportunity and the convenience that has been given. Well, I was wrong.

Failure has no boundary, no smell, no tracks, and often it comes at the time we least expected it. We thought we are full prepared for the interview, but when the day comes, we tumbled. We have studied and burning the midnight oil for months only to find the result to be nothing but a disappointment. Often, when such occasions occurred, we asked God. Why must this happen to me and not to someone else? Where did I go wrong? What did I do to deserve this? The consequences can come in either two ways. We wash away the dejection and the frustration and try again or decided to stop and leave our future wholeheartedly to God, thinking that if this is the fate that has been determined, there is no use of continuing, for the future is already written and we have no powers to change it. That is where the wrong is. Of course, the fate is already written, but we can make the future better by improving ourselves. Everyone dreams of having a beautiful and blissful life with our beloved family and friends, but nothing comes on the house. Everything needs effort and enthusiasm and determination, only then we can learn about the world, that it is not only a bed of roses, but it is also full with prickly, uninvited thorns that become the obstacles for us. Most of all, all the hardship and failure is the main ingredient of creating and moulding a successful and strong human. We are the caliph of the world, sent by Allah S.W.T to rule the world to become a wonderful and enchanting place to live. If the leader owns no spirit of fighting, the people will collapse. Just like a ship, if the captain has no determination to search for an island and venture the ocean without fear of facing bitter failure, his ship will wreck and sink into the deep sea, becoming nothing but a rotten wood and playgrounds for the fishes. Failure is bitter, but that is the antidote. We can never learn and will never improve if we never have the experience of suffering and failure. Perhaps it is the most painful thing to bear, but think of the previous heroes that has conquered their fears and failure before being able to touch victory. We have lots of heroes as examples; Salahuddin Al-Ayubi, Ibnu Sina, and especially our beloved prophet, Rasulullah S.A.W. The Prophet has endured thousands and countless amount of suffering and failure, but all those do not even shake an inch of his spirit and determination in spreading the holy religion of Islam across the globe. And all those effort are handsomely rewarded, for Islam is now the major religion which has the most followers in the world. The success was not mainly because he is a Prophet, it is also assisted with his determination, perseverance, high spirit and ambition of creating a new world, a world of peace, harmony and in accordance of Al-Quran and Sunnah. If this example isn't good enough, picture our life like that of the Lord of The Rings trilogy movie, minus all the monsters. They have encountered obstacles, suffers failure, but when they finally reached their goal, all the suffering have become immaterial.

Furthermore, if we are not given any taste of hardship and failure, if victory and success just roll on towards us like a ball, we will become a selfish person, an arrogant human and an ungrateful soul, thinking that we owned the luxury based on our own work and not from God. This is where failure is important too. It will remind us constantly that we are no super heroes that have the ability to make things according to our own desire. We are humans, full with shortcomings and prone to mistakes. Not only we must persevere, we must also remember our Creator, Allah S.W.T. Never abandon and never neglect our obligations, for everything seeks for the blessings of Allah S.W.T. Even the most wealthiest and powerful human in the world can be taken away all of his influences and luxury if he has gone beyond the blessings of Allah S.W.T.

Failure teach us one of the most precious lesson in the world. Nothing comes without pain. There is no good without bad, there is no black without white, there is no dark without day. Failure happens to everyone, but it varies based on individuals. It is up to us to choose the path. If we prefer to have a clear path, without any obstacles but straight, comforting and safe, we will reach the destination. If we decided to pick on a path that is risky, we will also reach the destination. The only difference is the latter keeps their most precious and valuable treasures we can use for life. What is the treasure? Courage, dignity, victory and most of all, the recipe to become one of the successful human and caliph in the face of the earth, regardless of whether it is a big or a minimal task. There is nothing more satisfying than to taste the sweetness of victory after a long journey of hardship and failure. That feelings is the best feeling that we can ever have.

So, don't treat failure as a foe. Treat it as a friend, a wonderful friend who wants nothing but the best for us. Also, have a strong faith in Allah S.W.T. Allah will never give a task that is beyond our capability. And He never disappoints an individual who has given their very best for an ambition to make the world a better place. I like to portray life as a caterpillar. It has to go through the thorns before it gets to the rose. The journey is slow and challenging, but when it reaches the beautiful, soft petals, there is no place in the world that feels better than that. So don't be afraid to fail, or I prefer to say in my very own beautiful mother tongue language; Berani Untuk Gagal.

*Contest ini dianjurkan oleh blog Denaihati. Saya tahu tentang contest ini dari blog El Blog De Adila. Hadiah pertandingan ini ditaja oleh DSGClicks, Berani Gagal Network, One Malaysia Blogshops, Anisha Online Mall, dan Saudacare

Monday, December 7, 2009

This Is For You..

The strands in your eyes that colour them wonderful
Stop me and steal my breath
And emeralds from mountains thrst towards the sky
Never revealing their depth
And tell me that we belong together
And dress it up with the trappings of love
I'll be captivated, I'll hang from your lips
Instead of the gllows of heartache that hang from above
And I'll be your crying shoulder
I'll be love's suicide
nd I'll be better when I'm older
I'll be the greatest fan of your life
And rain falls angry on the tin roof
As we lie awake in my bed
And you're my survival, you're my livin' proof
My love is alive and not dead
And tell me that we belong together
And dress it up with the tappings of love
I'll be captivated, I'll hang from your lips
Insted of the gallows of heartache that hang from above
And I'll be your crying shoulder
I'll be love's suicide
And I'll be better when I'm older
I'll be the gretest fan of your life
And I dropped out, I burned up
I fought my way back from the dead
Tuned in, turned on
Remembered the thing that you said
I'll be your crying shoulder
I'll be love suicide
And I'll be better when I'm older
I'll be the greatest fan of your life

*I'll Be by Edwin Mccain


Hmm...nothing much to say actually...

Was planning on uploading some pictures...before I realize that I didn't bring my USB cabel...haih...

Planning to make some cute bags, but can't seem to find the perfect and the suitable materials needed... It's just so hard to find some good left over kain...huhu

Was ready and prepared to go out and have a fun time venturing this cat city alone, before mum said no due to safety reasons...well...for those who haven't been to the cat city, be informed there are some parts of the city dangerous for young, sweet women like me (ceh!) and the people, although having really cute, friendly and welcoming faces...may not be so friendly as you wished they would be.


End up at home again...doing nothing again...except:

-being lil bro's fierce but comel teacher...heh..(once again, ignore the perasan comel statement)

-help here and there around the house..although actually I spent more time in front of the tele.. =p

-Help aunt rewrite her recipes into a proper exercise book, to prevent from any loss of those precious recipes...which will be something i really need later..(dun really know how to cook..huhu)

-Snap more pictures

-And have some fun learning one new thing...sewing least now I can have something to decorate my clothes if I find them not attractive enough..(kalo rajin la...)

Wednesday, December 2, 2009

hols 2

Ok...lets just face the truth. Admit it. There's no denying of the fact and the truth about this.

Holidays can be B.O.R.I.N.G

There! I've said it! huhuhu.... Please ignore the above over emotional statement. Yup..just as I was planning on something interesting and fun, there's always barriers that comes between me and fun. Its as though they don't bless the relationship that we have..ok..over metaphoric description...hee.=p

One thing...I have already thought of spending a couple of days in Sabah with my friends there. But the tickets are suddenly becoming too pricey that I cannot afford it. And there is no way too for my parents to sponsor the trip. They have other things to do too...

Two...the weather is not so friendly too... Last two days, o
ur house were invaded by water. (banjir la sng ckp). While being fun to experience flood, especially for my lil is a hassle to get thing cleaned up. And it doesn't matter it involves big flood or small still bring bane along with the boons. Since there is also an obstacle in terms of transportation, as I've mentioned in the previous post, i have voluntarily quarantined myself at home. Facebook has become so boring, I've watched most of the dvd's available, and Astro seemed pointless to have. I want to go out! And at this point, I don't mind if I go out alone and getting lost in the middle of the cat city. Also, I have currently developed an interest. And I really wish I can get my hands on this idea. Wanna know??? .





I want to try to make bags! Cloth bags in particular. Back in the university I happened to saw one of my friend's handmade cloth bag and it seems like an interesting and fun thing to do when everything else fails. But of course, it's easier said and done. there anyone who knows any websites which have any relation whatsoever with this childish idea of mine? I'd really appreciate it very much. =)

i find they are really cute and fun to make!!! =)

Tuesday, December 1, 2009


Its the holiday season people! there is so much time to be many places to be many people to many movies to catch on...and lots of other things that can be done...

As usual, I spent the holidays with my family in my hometown in the island of Borneo..(ceh..poyo jer ckp cmtu). To tell the truth...I don't really looking forward to the holidays spent in Kuching. For one reason it is not entirely the whole family gathering. My father is still at the Peninsular and my sister and my brother are so far away in Egypt. Normally, we will be hving a long line of mattresses that we arranged it at the open space of the house. And we will be sleeping together, my siblings, my granny, my aunts, my parents too sometimes, despite that they already have a room of their own. But this time, it is different. There is a slight loneliness in the house.

Also, I don't get to go around places. One thing is the transport problem. Another is I am not fully familiar to the place. Well, you would be if you only spent the early six years of your life in Sarawak and the rest 15 years is spent in Ipoh. Kuching definitely have developed. Still, there are places that I remembered seeing it as a kid that is still intact. And that is one heritage.

Perhaps the next coming holidays I will try to spend my holidays at other places. Places that I can go around. I love sightseeing. And I think it is an awesome and adventurous thing to do to just pick a spot and paint your own journey. It's like being a traveller. You'll never know what's waiting in front of you. Just like I always say to myself. "Take life as it comes".

But of course, this idea of mine will be an absolute no way josey for my parents. But...maybe if I can convince some beautiful friends of mine would like to join the quest it'll decrease the doubts of my parents.

So...anyone interested???

Sunday, November 22, 2009


Seriously, I felt really bad for withdrawing from Baksis on a very last minute... I was really looking forward to it, since this is my first time entering...but the sudden fever has caused me to cancel the intention...

To all... I am dreadfully sorry for this incident. I know this act of mine may and has caused some to be angry and disappointed and dissatisfied, but honestly offending everyone is the last thing that I want to do. I felt very guilty doing this..but I also know that if I don't I will cause trouble and bother too if I decided to go along. I was in a dilemma having to decide which, because I know it's my responsibility to give commitment till the very end of the project but at the same time, I didn't have the strength and my parents insisted me to go home, fearing that if I go, I will be a burden to the family.

I am not as strong or as courageous as other people. And perhaps some will see this as a selfish act or as an act to escape. Al I can say is that I never see this coming and I'm very sorry for not being strong enough to follow everyone and disappointing everyone.

That is all I can say

Tuesday, November 17, 2009


i thought this background will show the treble cleffs and the bass cleffs!! that is what the blog website showed!!! that's the main purpose why I decided to pick this template..rasa tertipu..huhuhu...(kecewa)

but still..i kinda like least there's some of the music notes there at the right side of the blog..haha..and it's not too much or too little...just nice for an ordinary owner like me..haha!

Monday, November 16, 2009

i am...

Currently...I'm feeling lazy. Very lazy to start reading the notes that have been gathered. Perhaps this is because it is the last paper, and I am thinking of nothing else but to go home and watch movie and hang out with my pals... Haha...

But besides the laziness, I am currently feeling happy too. Happy not to myself but to the people around me that have found their happiness. Two of my friends are currently blissful in their newly found relationship. I am so happy! Finally! These two friends of mine have one thing in common: Both have big fans and they are very particular about choosing their life partner. The first friend finally found one without having to work on it too much but the other friend...well...she has been through a lot. And quite a suffering one actually. And ironically, it is the boy from her past that brings joy to her. So far, they are living in cloud nine...and I hope that stays forever. All in all, I am so happy for you both. xoxo

It's funny when we see how life knows how to make a twist of its own. Life is indeed unpredictable. We can never expect anything that is coming. But if we can, that is one bonus point and all that is left to us is to choose whether to value it or to ignore it.

Friday, November 13, 2009

exam review plus lesson

for take note that the exam is not completely finished. Still have another paper to go...hehe..

the main issue here is on the exams done that has caused me brain to lose most of its screws and wires and also caused my heart to cry...(metaphorically..hee). On top of that, it caused me hours and hours of sleep, food eating disorder, and some delusions that made me as though like an insomnia person that cannot sleep at night although the body badly wants to.

The cause: Having 4 law papers consecutively! That to me, is MADNESS!!! I pa
y salute to those who managed to stabilize the pressure and not feeling anything but carefree all the time. As carefree and as cheerful as I am, this is one thing that really placed the utmost pressure on me. Seriously, even during Mooting competition, it wasn't as horrible as this. I was so dissatisfied with the way our exam schedules were made. Dear responsible authority who made the schedule...please ensure that you have taken at least one law paper before you decide to make all 4 exams in all 4 days thing for sure..u aint gonna like it...

All in all...I have to say that it was only on a satisfactory level. I know I could've done better...but its is useless using the 'if' word..coz it already happened. And pray as hard as you like, u aint gonna get the time back to improve your performance..hell n

The point that have to be taken...(this is one really good lesson to be remembered)...always..and I mean, ALWAYS be prepared for the unexpected. We aint no nostradam
us that people say can see the future. We aint have no freakin time machine like the young michael movie that we can travel back in time. We are humans, prone to mistakes, full with shortcomings that can destroy ourselves if we are paying too much attention to the two. Humans also have extraordinarily strong spirit, strength and specialty that can definitely help us if we know how to use it and most of all to appreciate it. Yeah...we may be have studied like a month earlier...but who knows what's gonna happen? We control our study planning, but we don't control the schedule. And suddenly BOOM! 4 days papers staright..and some worse..5 days straight! When that happens, even if we studied a year early, if we are not ready to accept any unexpected events, we are gonna face problems. Not by anybody else...but yourself.

This semester's exam has taught me that we cannot always be sure and assume that we are livng in comfort and in a safe zone. The world and f
ate, especially, knows when to make surprises. And when they do...thair surprise really works..and only those who can handle it wisely will not completely fall into the surprise trap. And that requires a strong heart, emotion and most of all, Faith. And do not take time for granted. We always treat time ignorantly when it approcahes..thinking that we are not in need for time at the moment. But when we are in dyer need for it, it is the time's turn to be ignorant to us and laughed their way upon realizing our sorry faces for not appreciating their presence earlier..

Thursday, November 5, 2009


whats dat? my very own syndrome i'm currently causes me to have delusions and hallucianations and things that i shouldn't think about at this very moment. ESS=Exam Stress Syndrome..haha! (poyo jer). well...u would be if u have four law papers straight! that's a killer to the brains if not the body...mata pun boleh jd juling asyk dok baca kes berjela n notes yg noktahnya ntah di mana...huhu point blaming the schdule...blame the person who made it..hehe! most of all...blameyours truly...for not studying earlier and still despite there's only 3 days left, can still have the time to write a post in this blog!

Thursday, October 22, 2009

saje je...

kmk sik tauk kenak kinek tuk slalu jak sik best. Cam sik nyaman jak rasa ati tok. Nang slalu cmtuk, tapi nk tok kmk rasa sik mcm nak dolok pun. Sik suka kamek mun naktuk dtg...polah kamek sik ada mood. Mun dh sikda mood, ya lah start mek jd malas, sik mok polah apa yg patut di polah. Geram juak mun bnda tok jadi...smpei ngembak ke tido.

banyak bnda jadi sem tok. Bnda yg kmk sik mauk ya lah yg jadi. contohnya, ada la kmk suk rah sorg nemiak nk tok dh lamak dh...masalahnya nya dtg balit. Bila kmk dh lupak mauk juak nya dtg...nang sengaja mok polah susah. Nya sik tauk kmk sook rah nya...sikda urang tauk pun...kmk sik penah padah rah urang. Bnda cmtuk nang kmk simpan dirikpun. sik mok mek padah rah urang...susah mok cayak urang kinek tok. Dolok kamek cayak gilak daknya polah juak nak sik bait rah kmk...start sia kmk pikir..iboh jak padah rah urang papa...daknya sik tauk, kmk pun sik susah. pasya ada test agik. Sik lamak gik, agik 2 mnggu. Kmk sik polah papa gik. bpk mak mek dh padah byk kali nyuruh mek stadi, tp mek malas juak. sigek gik masalah kmk...sik boleh mok paksa dirik tuk stadi...mcm susah gilak nak ya. dh la abis lambat...brapa igek jak paper kmk tp sik bole balit awal....sik ku suka...huhu

kemisi pn skjp jak...ingt tek mok polah keja masa sik smpt. pas jak program kmk ya balit trus sarawak tinggal rumah ninek kmk. ni mok polah keja rah sia? sinun bukan sama cm nk rah sitok. kenak nya mok bukak awal gilak kah? eran na kmk eh. mauk duit lah ya kali...mun masa kmkurg balit suma ok, sik hal juak. kelak mesti ada yg sik kenak...

sem tok nang slalunya mesti nya abis cmtok...sik best gilak.

Tuesday, October 20, 2009


If ever someone is to ask me what I always think about...(apa yg ak slalu fikirkan)
...well...there is one answer...and I'm afraid this one has been stuck to me for a long time now...

Will I be remembered when I die???

Monday, October 19, 2009


I miss them...

I miss my brother

I miss my sister

Sunday, October 18, 2009

Accepting the Hated

Have u ever thought of this thing? Why is it when the things that we don't want to happen to us happens? Regardless of how we detest them. Have u ever had that experience?

This always happens to me. Most of the time, I will hope for something and wish to avoid another. But in the end, it's the one that I've been trying to avoid is what I receive and what I have to live with. I have to say that it's frustrating. VERY frustrating. It's as though I don't deserve to have the things that I want. Of course, there are some occasions where I have what I've wished for. Nevertheless, if compared to the ones that I don't want, they happen more often that the former. I always wondered, why i have to take all these? The ones I don't like is the one that I'll get. And the ones that I really want, isn't an inch closer to me. Again, it's frustrating.

This has been in my mind for a very long time. It has been so long that I thought that I dont deserve to get what I wished for. It made me thought that I'm not supposed to hold any dreams or hopes of my own because in the end, the otherwise happens.

But it wasn't until recently that I thought that perhaps that is not the main reasons why all that happens. Perhaps it was my way of looking at them was wrong. I didn't see the silver lining behind the clouds. All I see were clouds that were gloomy and brings nothing but sadness and disappointment. I forgot one utmost important thing. All these happens for a reason. And most of all, they all happens because it was all in God's fate that He has written even before anything existed. Nothing happens without God's will and permission. And just like a phrase; setiap yg berlaku ada hikmahnya, it applies to everything that happened throughout my 21 years of living. Instead treating it in a bad way, I should see it in the positive way. Of course, the things that I planned and I wanted doesn't happen as I wanted and I was replaced by something I refuse.

Actually, it was those refused and despised things that exposed me more on life. I get to see the good side of them. If it involves an individual, I get to know the person better, and learn about their goodness inside that I don't see before. Perhaps they don't bring out the best in me, but they definitely make me a better person that I would've been had I not received the ones that I hate. Sometimes, the things we hate is the things that will be the most important things in our lives.

Wednesday, October 14, 2009


Success!! that is one of the many thousands of words that I can describe on our presentation today. Remember the post that I wrote about us going from one bridal shop to one bridal shop to make this assignment? Well, today is the presentation.

It was a satisfying and a job well done by all of us. We won't be able to make the presentation as this if it weren't for the support and cooperation from all members... Yay to all of you!

During the making, it was a tiring and stressful journey. We had to cope with many things; financially, mentally, sometimes the weather was not friendly to help us in doing this project and there were many times where technology too is jealous of seeing us accomplishing the project. Yet, we managed to do it. And it was far beyond my expectation. I won't say we could've done better if we were given more time, no, because this is the BEST result of all our perseverence, patience, cooperation, enthusiasm and hardwork.

So far, this is the assignment that I enjoyed the most throughout my 2 years in uni. We can say anything that we want from this experience, but I only have one thing to say. Working is much better when we do it out of enjoyment, spontaneous, and consideration. Indeed, it requires hard work, but we should welcome the hard work as a friend and not as a burden. Only then we won't be stressful and too much tension. Perfection is not the big matter here because when we combine it all up, the result is as perfect as it can be.

Kudos and congratulations to all members of family law for this success of ours!! It was a very memorable assignment. =)

p/s: to miemi, zahid, atiah, za, dila, dayat, amal, ila and the only ladybug among the flowers, ijai

Sunday, October 11, 2009

temporary relieve

short post...

I AM SO RELIEVED MY ADMIN LAW ASSIGNMENTS ARE DONE AND SUBMITTED!!!!!!!!!!!!'s the family law presentation and land law case review...
hope we can give our best shot for the family presentation... =)

should i?

recently, i have been thinking of doing something that i haven't done in a long time. I guess i kind of miss it. It brings back all reminiscence of yesterdays whenever i thought about this. I thought of doing it again now, but i'm not sure whether it is a good idea.

i miss writing. Writing here as in writing a story. Any story at all. Writing has been my interest since a long tim
e ago. When this interest came, I can write anything that comes to mind; funny, love, mystery, friendship, and sometimes poetry. I remembered when I was in high school. I wrote a story that i gave my friends to read it. It took 5 exercise books to complete the story. Although it's embarrassing to let people read, but it's a satisfaction to see that they enjoy reading it. Throughout my highschool, I've written 3 stories. But the other two I didn't let anyone read it as I think it's too ridiculous to be read. When I'm bored, I read them myself and add some more when I have the idea of continuing it. There was once where my father accidentally read one of my self-declared novel (hehe!) and he suggested it to be published. I said NO WAY!!! It's too much a big step to have it published. I'm not that daring to have my story to be read by public. Argh!

Now, I have that crave of writing again, but the problem is that the interest is not as strong as what I used to have before. Whenever I write and I read it all, I don't have the idea or the crave to continue it. I guess that it has been such a long time and perhaps I've disposed that interest of mine under my conscious. Well, just like people say, as we get older, we are turning into another person day by day that we have forgotten who we were once and the things that we used to do that makes us happy doesn't seem to work its magic on us anymore. Regardless, I refuse to ignore this intention of mine. At least it'll be a therapy for me and who knows I may have the courage to make it published! (ceh! berangan lebih!)

Saturday, October 10, 2009


ntah...xtau nk ckp pe...

sometimes prudent silence is wise...rather than telling our opinion and ended up making someone offended...

do take note that this has nothing to do with anyone or anything that happen...i just feel like writing but i don't know what to i think that what i wrote mostly is about complaining about everything...tak baik ooo....heh heh...=p

incidentally, i managed to complete most of the assignments already...but still...can't help feeling worried of not being able to complete all upon submission...huhu...the feeling of insecurity is always around...(i tension la..xleh concentrate...nyiah! sempat lg nk kenakan org....jhtnyer kamu ni!)

this picture is not related...not generally...

Wednesday, October 7, 2009

The end of one

Finally, the test is over. Well, it's not a satisfactory one, but I have to say that I'm quite proud of myself for being able to answer all. Despite that I have flu and headaches these few days and that I don't have the enough days to spend to read the notes. (perasan!)

As usual, after the test, I always knew that I can do it better. It's always like that. I hardly went out of the exam room being very satisfied and confident of what I've written down for my exam questions. But then, it all comes to one conclusion: that is the best that I can do. That is all that my mind can keep in store and can pour out during that duration of time. We may have the same brain shape but we have difference in understanding and in storing what we have read. And that is the best that I can give after all those time spent revising and studying. Well, like people always say; when u study a lot, you give out a lot, when you study moderate, what you give will also be moderate, unless of course if u bring some help from the outside or bring a cat to copy a.k.a copy cat(haha...x masuk akal).

Anyways, what has passed has passed. Now its up to the lecturer to give those marks. The thing that I can do now is to settle once and for all my pending assignments and force myself to study for finals! Study!! Aim to make it to dean's list this semester! (ceh...sbnrnyer setiap sem target cmtu tp x dpt2 gak). Good luck for me! All the best to me! and to everyone too!

Tuesday, October 6, 2009

Otak dah tepu

This is sooooo wrong! Girl, you have a test. What are you doing typing all these???? Go back! shut the laptop! Go read those loads and hard-to-understand-because-the-writing-is-so-bad notes of yours!!!!

OMG…I just realized that I’m so tied up with assignments pending that need to be completed upon submitting. This is just another same situation, same lesson of do not procrastinate and yet I’m ignoring them all. Well, serves u right! padan muka kena wat banyak keje. Instead of doing my revision for my final exam (ceh..poyo je) I have to finish up all assignments and projects. The target: at least complete three assignments before saturday. Ok, roll on your sleeves…time to get to work!

Assignments not supposed to be pending and yet they are thanks to my laziness:

-Public International Law (UN Independence over the Veto powers)

-Equity (specific performance)

-Land Law (case review). Thanks for making it more complicated by not having any facts of the case written on it. I just L.O.V.E to do some extra work.

-Family Law (MUST get that video done and MUST do it as creative as we can). This is the time where our hidden talent of acting and directing is exposed. We can’t help being humble but talented… (hahaha…poyo siot)

-Administrative Law (tutorials). If you want some bonus marks, then those must be done.

And the best thing is, all must be submitted next week!! Boy am I going to have a fun weekend this week stuffing my head with knowledge and business. At least it’s an inch experience of what I’m going to have to face when I start to work in future. Last but not least, I just wanna say this to myself; good luck with all those work! It’ll definitely do you good! And for once in your lifetime, DO NOT PROCRASTINATE IN FUTURE

Sunday, October 4, 2009

I demand an explanation

i just dont get it... my uni, hereinafter referred to uu, as far as i'm concerned is one filthy rich uni. Heck, we have an animal farm, our own grand-prix track(ceh!), a huge multi purpose gym(which hardly opens now) and even a big, green and lonely golf course, but they can't seem to fix one small water problem???

man, it was really difficult for us, especially when we have morning classes. Imagine 4 blocks have no water and we have to go up and down to the other block just to get a shower and other things related. It's a nuisance, and a waste of time, considering that we have to rush before the bathrooms are full with other students who go there for the same intention. And since we are all girls, you can just understand how girls take their showers. It can take up to 30 minutes...(these are facts).

of course i want to complain about this. We have our rights! Regardless of how busy the uu staffs a
re, the problem must be taken seriously. I don't think repairing what's broken at the water tank (rumah air in BM) can take as much cost as it takes to build a golf course. Water is essential la wei...they look like they are ignorant and less considerate on this. Sure, there's a convocation going on, and that's the reason why there is water problem (yeah right!) but don't just focus on one event and neglected the others. Trying so hard to impress the visitors when your students are facing problems. Is that a good management for a uni?????

I just don't get it!!!!! I demand an explanation...

Somethng to Ponder

How is it that people can be so nonchalant about some things? They prefer to take it lightly than to do the very best to reach the best result, since they know that that is the responsibility they have to take.

I see many people who acted like that. And this gets worse when it involves people and society. Hello, pls realise that you have a commitment as soon as you've decided to make something or to organize something for the society. So don't just do like it's not a big deal! Move those lazy fat ass of yours! BUatla keje elok2..if there's any problems or changes on the event pls alert and inform those involved. The least u can do is text a message. (bkn mahal pn). In the end, instead of you, other people have to bear the cause and the embarrassment. Don't u ever give any thought or any damn about that?? I really wish you can feel how those people feel. Maybe then it will open your damn eyes..

Sometimes, I tried to be like one of them. You know, not take some things seriously. But I can't. Because I think that it will make other people suffer, and I don't want that to happen to me too if ever the tables have turned. We are not living alone. We live in a society where we depend on each other. So, respect is important regardless of what they stand in the public eye. So as consideration, thoughtfulness and sympathy to those who are unfortunate. When I realisec I failed to be one, I started thinking, am I the one who is the problematic one? Or is it the people are not being conscious enough about how people feel?

I cannot put my finger on it. Is life always this complicated??..I cannot be sure. In fact, maybe I can never be sure...

p/s: had my first battle of the band today...and hell i enjoyed it...although it's not the best we can do. Note that this is related with the post

Thursday, September 24, 2009

The Image

We've just arrived back from Kuching. Currently staying in Kajang; my aunt's house. Tomorrow will be the day we send off my brother and my sister to egypt. (sedih!)

I'd like to talk about this particular taxi driver whom I think doesn't deserve to be serving the tourist and the people who arrived at the airport. Why? He is dreadfully rude!!!!! And boastful too, for reasons God only knows what.

We took two taxi. And my parents and siblings were in that man's taxi. Upon walking to the taxi, his disrespectfulness has already being shown. he just stood there doing nothing but just looking at my father and my brother carrying all those heavy bags and put it inside his car boot. Hello! It's your job to help us with those. Tau la kitorang ni Malaysian jer, but still he showed us a really bad first impression! Not just that, siap marah2 kitorg lagi. I don't know what he stuff he puts in his boot, it looks like a tong gas (ntah..x amik kisah pn sbnrnyer), then one of our bags accidentally hit the bloody tong gas. Dia boleh marah..cakap 'wuih..nnti boleh meletup keta ni'..bengong!!! dh tau org balik dr airport bawak bag besar gedabak jgn la letak bnda yg ntah pape kt dlm bonet..

then it gets more annoying. He asked 'nk ke mana ni?' We said kajang prima. Then he sighed and said 'eh, saya tak tau tmpt tu. susah la cmni'.. A taxi driver saying such things? Bengong! if u don't know then go ask people lar. That's the function of a mulut. Jgn la pkai mulut nk marah2 merungut that time my father dh geram sangat so he did the best thing ever..diam jer..or in a more rude word..buat bodo.. not just that the driver is the most reckless driver!!! drive keta mcm drive keta dlm game..laju x hengat! roller coaster pn boleh tabik kot..The taxi driver asked him the dad just ckp 'tak tau' (when in fact he knows the road well..haha!! rasakan!!) In the end, he entered the wrong way and had to use a long way before finally reaching the right destination. And as usual, he didn't even got out of the taxi to help us carry out those bags. i think so far, he's the most disgraceful and rudest taxi driver eva!

And the sad part is..he's no other people than a malay. And wearing serban!!! U know when we see a man with serban we assumed that he is well mannered and kind hearted fellow. That is the general perception of the public. But this, is an embarrassment! He ruined the image of a person of religious, considerate and kind. He pretended to be a person of that image when he actually is not closer to the character of a person wearing serban.

This situation makes one thing clear. Never judge a person by appearance. Sometimes, a person may look good on the outside but it was another different story on the inside. Also, first impression is not everything. It is not the final key of a decision. Like going for an interview. Anyone can dress the best, with the necktie and the coat and all those colour matching accessories (sampai ada yg mengalahkan org kahwin), but in the end, it is our own performance that determines everything. It is the way we communicate, the way we answer questions and the way we convince the boss that we are the ideal choice. So, the lesson for this story is...never judge anyone based on physical appearance per se. And, if u see any taxi driver with a serban at LCCT...don't take the taxi..he might be the same person that we bullied...hahaha!

Tuesday, September 22, 2009

to my two beloved ones

Time flies really fast. My siblings and I have reached the period of adolescence now. I myself cannot believe that I am already 21 (dah boleh mengundi tu…tapi x dftar lg..bonda bising suda..huhu..)

Soon, lil bro and lil sis are going to go far away. When I say soon, it’s really soon. Next week! Yup, my baby brother and baby sister are going abroad, for nothing else but to study. They both are going to Egypt to study medic. Both are keen in this field and wish to become a medical practitioner one day. Insya Allah.

It’s not that I don’t like them going. In fact, I am very happy for them. I am beyond proud. Well, that’s the reward you get for studying hard. I’m not an industrious student back in my school days, that’s why my results are only satisfactory. And that is why too, I cannot go abroad to study. Now that they receive the chance, I see it in a way that they helped me to realize my dream, despite that it is not what they are doing and despite that they don’t know this deep down additional feeling of mine. At least they make a better example for our youngest sibling since I failed to be the best example for them.

Deep down, I am worried and bereaved. You will feel the same when the siblings we see almost everyday and every time we came home will never be there again for a period of time. And 6 years is no short time. Furthermore, they hardly have been away from family for a long time. And if they did, they have the chance to come home at least once a month or once a week. So, of course I will miss them terribly. Everyone will feel the same.

One thing I hope they bear in mind is that to do their very best over there. Don’t ever take studying abroad for granted and never treat it as a vacation until and unless the examinations and the semesters are over. Remember that it is not easy especially for our parents to send the both of you there. I hope both can take care of each other while they are there and don’t ever lose trust on each other. No matter how close a friend or a lover can be, nothing beats the family bond, regardless of how bad or good the family is. When you have problems, turn to nothing but Allah SWT and you shall find the best solution. And when you’ve receive the degree in medic, return back to where you belong; to your motherland. Serve the best to your religion, your people and your country and especially to family.

My prayers are always with you. Love you two very much...

sure as sunrise, pure as a prayer

you arrived into this world with nothing but innocence and purity
unaware, untouched by sins and evils of reality
your smile cure a person's woe
your laugh soothes all who listens
you are everything but a burden
a gift so precious given by God
lights up a life and brings meaning to others

this is written dedicated to my niece. We call her nurul; which means light or 'cahaya'. As beautiful as her name, she lightens every person's heart who chanced upon her.
May she grow to be a wonderf
ul and successful person regardless of all pains and troubles that has to be bear throughout the period of raising her.

I will try my best for you

I just found out something that to me is unexpected. I didn't have any clue about this. And this has really made me think and appreciate with what that has been given.

My previous post I wrote about my uncertain feeling and dilemma about my future profession. What will I do as my career? Will I do well if I decided to be fully involved in the legal profession? Most of all, will I be regretful of the decision that I'm gonna have to decide?

Then, one day my father told me something that he never told me or any of my siblings before.

"mula-mula ayah sik mok jadi cikgu. Cikgu ni bukan cita-cita asal,tapi ayah dpt cikgu,"
"laa..yeke? kitak mok jadi apa dolok?"
"ayah mok jadi peguam"

That was my father's ambition. A lawyer. My father wanted to be a lawyer, or at least a member of the justice system. He wanted to be in a profession that I used to hate and yet I got it. When I heard about it, I was dumbfounded. It strucked me really hard (tersentap la...). Little did I know that my father would've wished to be in a position I am in if he was given the opportunity. But luck wasn't on his side. Nevertheless, he succeeded in what he is doing right now. He is a wonderful secondary and a tution teacher. He even received 'guru cemerlang' award for his efficiency, commitment and hard work.

It became an eye opener for me. I am considered lucky for being given the opportunity by Allah to be able to study in law, a professional course. A course which enables me to be involved in many things that can benefit the environment and the society. Of course, I couldn't get what I wanted, but at least the second chance I received is far better than never. It doesn't matter what we receive, the most important thing is we make great use and take every golden opportunity that it offers to make it as best as possible.

So, now I no longer worry as much as I worried before. Yes, there are still doubts in myself of my own capability in pursuing law, but taking my father as the best example, I must do and make use the opportunity that I have to be the best as I possibly can. Perhaps my true calling will appear by itself, and when that happens, I know what I have to do next is just to step forward without looking back anymore.

I will try my best to fulfill the dream and ambition that my father was unable to achieve...

Sunday, September 20, 2009

my granny my opah

Everyone has a granny. At least one. Some have one, two, three and even four grannies! (poligamy ler ni..haha!). Like me, I have two grannies. But I'd like to express more on my granny on my father's side. We call her opah.

It's still clear in my mind that when I was small, I sometimes sat next to opah and told her evrything that I could think of. And since I was a bookworm at that time, I used to tell her stories and fun facts that I read. I remembered telling her that papayas have lots of vitamin c that can heal an injured wound or a cut. I told her anything without really bother whether she really listened and being attentive or not. But actually, she did. She listened and remembered some of those that I told her. She even told me that she ate some papayas and it was true that it cured her wound. She was attentive to my words and acts.

Now, things are different. Opah hardly remembers. Not because she doesn't want to, but she cannot. Opah has becoming forgetful. She finds it difficult to find her keys. She forgets where she keeps her money. She couldn't recall whether she has eaten or not. She even forgets where she placed her glasses, when she is actually wearing it. She has become more sensitive too. She gets offended easily. My family, uncle and aunt have tried to persuade her to come and live with us, but she refused. She doesn't want to leave her house empty. The house has kept so much memories that she can ever recall.

Now, I'm studying at a university far north. I hardly visits and see her. I no longer sits next to her and told her stories and experiences that I've encounteres. I feel really guilty for not being able to accompany her and entertain her as I used to. Dear opah, I'm really sorry for not spending time with as much as you have spent your time with me and my siblings when we were young. I'm sorry that I wasn't so attentive and concern of your health and your whereabouts. And I'm sorry that I cannot do anything to help you reduce your forgetfulness. I pray for you to always be healthy and happy. And I want you to know that I love you very much and I remember you every day although I don't always see, visits and talk to you. Love you, granny.

Learning loving the law

I planned to blog about this the night I've arrived back in ipoh. But it seemed that the journey back from uum has made me exhausted.

That night, after tarawikh with my family, I was given a question by my parents. It wasn't a complicated question but it took me a long time to give the best answer to it. And it got me thinking a lot about it.

"What's your future plan? Nak jadi apa lepas grad?"

It was a simple straight forwarded question which I could answer directly and confidently. But instead, I stunned. In my head there were numerous types of job that I could think of, but none of those were not what I really want to do as a future career.

"I don't know yet" That is the only answer I could give. And as a result I received an extra lecture for my unsureness.

It got me thinking far back from where it all started. After the SPM. I didn't get any offers from any of the applications I sent. That was a frustrating moment as I really want to further my studies. Then fate has it that I got accepted into the UiTM law foundation programme. My aunt excitedly called in early morning.
"kitak dapat asasi law uitm"

At that time I was anything but happy and excited. Law wasn't my choice at all! buT I still go through it since that is the only choice I have. It has been 3 years now I hold the title as a law student. Some may think that I have started to be interested in this course and is able to think of my future career.

The truth is, I don't know. I don't know that all the studying and doing the assignment the best as I can is actually for the benefit of the future or just to earn a good pointer and CGPA. It really terrifies me that I don't remember all that has been thought and studied since I first started. What will happen when I start to work? It'll be a disgrace to myself and family for not being able to be a good legal practitioner. What's the point of studying if u don't remember anything?

Seriously, I'm terrified whenever I thought of this. I planned to further Masters right after degree but what will I do after that? Like my father said "u can't just study forever". I can't seem to find my ideal career yet. I am yet to find my true calling. I just hope that the time will come when I am finally certain and determined to make one job as my fixed career.

Tuesday, September 15, 2009

do you think so?

If you love somebody, there is nothing happier than to see the beautiful smile on their faces knowing that they are having wonderful and happy moments of their life. But how can we know if the person is happy and blissful?

To those fortunate and lucky souls out there who have found their dearest person, it is quite easy to tell, and considering that they always keep in touch with each other. The least they are able to do if they cannot see each other everyday is making a phone call or at least a simple yet caring text message; to show that they are remembered and cared for. (ceh, cam jiwang semacam jer!)

Nevertheless, there are some who are not so lucky. Why? Well, probably because they are still putting hopes and faith on the person whom they adore to feel the same way as they do. Perhaps these individuals are not so lucky to be involved to a person who doesn’t share the same feeling. It can come from various reasons. Maybe the person they love hates them instead of liking, maybe the person they love belongs to someone else, and there are also a situation where the person they love is no longer around (this is up to your interpretations on the meaning of ‘no longer around’). It is a hurtful emotion to bear with. I know because I’ve been in the situation where the cupid is not really on my side.

But what can we do? Emotion is not something we can force people to have. We can force a person to laugh, cry, sleep and even eat but to love is rather impossible. Of course, for some people who like the person so much (a.k.a obsessed) will try their best to impress and create the attention. Some will act the way that they know the person likes, some often send things regardless of how costly it is and some are really brave that they really show the person that they like them, despite the fact that they are aware that what they do is either not replied or ignored. So, just like the phrase written earlier. If we adore and love a person, nothing is happier than to see them happy.

It doesn’t mean that we have to be with him/her just to make them happy. It’s enough to see from far that they are valuing their life and living it to the fullest. Of course, it is sad for not having the chance to share the happiness together but that is not a big matter. If the person belongs to someone else, as long as they are happy with it, we can be happy too. If the person is no longer around, their memories and their image will make us happy just by thinking of it. If the person hates instead of liking, let them be. At least we are on the winning side because nothing good hardly comes from hating people. Perhaps we can be with them y being a really good and supporting friend. A friend is an important person already. There are some things that only a friend can understand regardless of how small those little things are. So, since we are unable to share what we want to with the person we love why not we share the certain little things that they want to share. Who knows, maybe this simple act of kindness and care will give a handsome reward in future.