Wednesday, December 31, 2008

New Year

A few more hours to go before we bid adieu to year 2008 and welcomes excitedly 2009. Wow, how fast the time flies. It felt like it was only yesterday that I celebrated 2008 and now I'm celebrating its end.

New year, new beginning and new life. My past life have not been a satisfactory, not even deserving a praise. I made many silly blunders, offended many, disappoint some and failed to improve myself to become a better person than I am now. Well, I hope 2009 brings a different wind and a different way for me to improve. Honestly throughout those years I almost felt like I am about to have depression, but thankfully I managed to void myself from being one. Still, it is not impossible. There's always a chance for me to have such problems. I don't like to express my feelings...I prefer to have them kept it all to myself. And of course, such way offers higher chance for depression.

Thus, I want to make 2009 as a turning point of my life. It is going to be difficult. It's going to be challenging. It is going to be more bitter than sweet. But this time I want to give myself a shot. I am not promising anything, as I know I'm not really a person that can stay standing for all that comes. But I am trying. I will try to make myself to try. At least I have nothing else to lose or regret. I am tired of being a person of regret.

The worst bankrupt in the world is the man who has lost his
enthusiasm. Let a man lose everything else in the world but
his enthusiasm and he will come through again to success.
- H. W. Arnold

Monday, December 1, 2008


OMG!!!!!!! I am sooooooooooooo stressed right now. I thought that previous exam was the most stressful one, but surprisingly, there is something else that is so way having a higher level of stress. Kudos for this problem for making me having sleepless nights for so many days...*claps and cheers*
Seriously, I don't know why and how can I get myself into this problem. Haha!One moment I agreed to take part, and then the next thing, I was like "ok, what have I gotten myself into?" isn't that silly of me?? Haha... Until now, I still cannot believe I survived mentally. Hehehehe!!! What am I talking about now???....even I myself don't know. huhu...i think i really AM about to lose my mind. Hehe!
Nevertheless, taking part in this thing is not at ALL BAD... I do gain some benefits from this. I agree with the phrase 'everything happens for a reason'. Well, I took a big risk, which I know has the high possibility for me to unable to carry the responsibility. This is perhaps my biggest risk attempt yet. Haha! But thanks to this risk, I have something to learn, although not completely. Of course, I don't expect anything much, since I know my limit and capabilities, but at least I am not wasting my time doing nothing but watching tv at home. Hehe!

Monday, November 24, 2008


Have you ever reached a rainbow's end
And did you find your pot of gold
Ever catch a shooting star
And tell me how high did you soar
Ever felt like you were dreaming
Just to find that you're awake
And the magic that surrounds you
Can lift you up and guide you on your way

I can see it in the stars across the sky
Dreamt a hundred thousand dreams before
Now I finally realize
You see I've waited all my life for this moment to arrive
And finally

When you look out in the distance
You see it never was that far
Heaven knows your existance
And lead you to be everything you are
There's a time for every soul to fly
It's in the eyes of every child
It's the hope, the love that saves the world
And ohhh we should never let it go

I believe in the impossible
If I reach deep within my heart
Overcome any obstacle
Won't let this dream fall apart
See I strive to be the very best
Shine my light for all to see
Cause anything is possible
When you believe yeah

Love keeps liftin me higher
Liftin me higher
Love keeps liftin me higher
I said love keeps liften
Love keeps liften me
I said Love keeps liften
Love keeps liften me higher
Said love keeps liften me higher
I said love keeps liften me high


=Adiaz speaks...and at this time, she hopes she has the spirit as the singer has when she sang the song.

Wednesday, November 19, 2008


imoto... Adiaz only has one. And yet, she felt very happy. Imoto's presence made Adiaz's world more colourful. Imoto is 2 years younger, and imoto is now studying in hopes to become a doctor. Ganbate ne! Imoto!
Adiaz smiled. She remembered how the first time imoto came. Adiaz didn't really like it. Adiaz thought; who is that? Why is people always be with her? They no longer spend much time with Adiaz. Adiaz felt envious of imoto. silly they were back then, and yet, so innocent. Nevertheless, Adiaz started to accept and love imoto's presence. She felt happy to have a friend to play with everytime. And thanks to imoto, Adiaz could easily accept ototo's arrival a year later and another one 9 years later.
Imoto is very different than Adiaz. People mostly didn't expect Adiaz and imoto are actual siblings. Indeed, both Adiaz and imoto have slightly different looks. Adiaz follows more of her eastern side, but imoto's complexion is unique; a mixture of east and west. Whenever Adiaz walks with imoto, Adiaz noticed how people (lads mostly) looked admiringly towards imoto. It bring up jealousy in some times, but Adiaz thought back. It's not wrong for people to admire imoto. Imoto wa honto kirei desu. And people likes to see beautiful things. Besides, imoto is good interacting with people, unlike Adiaz, who has difficulty to start a conversation. (Adiaz is a coy person. Seriously!).

Deep down, Adiaz feels proud to have an amazing imoto. Imoto is independent, friendly, responsible and beautiful. Adiaz hopes that imoto can take great care of herself and that she can know when to act rightfully and can distinguish between right and wrong. Adiaz loves imoto with all her heart. And as like her ototo, Adiaz hopes nothing more than for imoto to have a blissful and successful life. Adiaz wants imoto to be blessed with a great partner that can lead her and turn her into the very best person she can ever be.

=Adiaz speaks...and at this time, she really misses her imoto and both ototo very much.


Ototo... Adiaz has two of them. One grew up along with her, and they spent most of the time together. They shared every games, every cartoons, every quarrels and every food. Now, her first ototo has grew up into a healthy, charming lad. And Adiaz is happy to see that progress.

However, sadly, they are not so close as they used to be back when they were kids. Adiaz's grown ototo hardly spends time or share jokes with her. They do talk, but not often. And it was most of the time felt nothing. Adiaz tried to make the conversation longer and fun, but it seems that ototo is not really interested to listen and to share with her. Her grown ototo now prefers to be with his peers and his kanojo. Well, that is not a big matter (I think), but it frustrates Adiaz because he does not do the same to her. Adiaz tried to be considerate and understanding, but she cannot help feeling envious and dissatisfies towards her ototo's friends. Well, Adiaz refused to sigh and doing nothing. Adiaz wants to try and improve this matter. She knows it will be hard, and she hopes she has the courage and strength to do it.

Another ototo was 12 years younger than Adiaz. And so, that makes him the youngest in the family. This precious ototo didnt grow up with Adiaz. When ototo was born, Adiaz is almost graduating from primary school. And when ototo started his first year in primary school, Adiaz was unable to see him, for she was at the university at that time. Adiaz was jubilant when ototo was born, and she was determined to take good care of him. However, Adiaz didn't have enough time and opportunity to do that. Again, Adiaz felt frustrated. She wants so bad to spend more time with her youngest ototo. She is anxious of her youngest ototo. Adiaz knew he will be alone soon. Her youngest ototo won't have anyone else to play in the house, since his onisan is going to college soon. And he will also be lonely because otosan & okahsan will be busy with their work. Otosan & okahsan is busier now than they were before back when Adiaz was young. They used to held picnic and visit places, but now not anymore. Ototo didn't have many chances to see the world. Adiaz wants to make ototo's world more colourful. Adiaz wants to teach ototo many things. Adiaz doesn't want ototo to be burden by books and extra classes and school's prgrammes and tv shows per se! Ototo needs to be exposed more to the world, not crappy tv shows and thick books per se!

Adiaz loves both her ototo...very much. Adiaz wants them to become a much better person than herself. She doesn't want they make the same mistake as she did. Adiaz has to forget all her dreams, and she has no one to blame but herself. She could not help to feel regret, but she tried hard to ignore it. Now, Adiaz wants her siblings to be wonderful people. That's what Adiaz hope is.

=Adiaz speaks...and at this time, she wants badly to teach her youngest ototo to ride a bike.

Sunday, November 16, 2008

Dream on...

Adiaz is losing her mind and conscious. Hmm…what did she do all day? Well…apart from stuffing her noggin with a huge loads of theories n cases n solutions…and also stuffing her belly with food that she didn’t even wanna eat? (haha!)

When adiaz loses her mind…she started to do one thing that is sooooooooooooooo unnecessary n completely wasteful. Oh yeah…that’s it. Adiaz starts to dreammmmmm… All kinds, every species, any type of dream she can think of. Isn’t that so frustrating? Its as though she had nothing else more material to do.

Adiaz is very creative when she dreams. (if only she can be likewise in real life too..*sigh*). Trust me. If you give her a chance to make her dreams to be a movie, that can definitely attract movie addicts. Ahaks! That is when her mind began to think all the sweet stuff and every great opportunity she can have. Adiaz live a great life in her dream. She is able to get all that she couldn’t possibly achieve in the real world she’s living now. She dreams of being the most influential person in the world. She wish she is the most likeable person, the most admired, the bravest, and the most successful. Adiaz often dreams she has the power, special powers like her favourite ‘heroes’ show. Then she can change the word into a much better place (dream on!). And she dreams that she will be living along with a dashing and successful lad. (damn girl! You really think that far huh..!) *sigh*…what to do?

Sometimes, well, most of the time…Adiaz was so happy living in that fantasy of hers that she forgets about the truth. The reality. How much reality bites. (ouch!). Adiaz forgets all the imperative obligations that she needs…that she MUST strive to achieve. When Adiaz realized where she really is, she felt frustrated and disappointed to herself.

How possible can reality serves better that fantasy? Indeed, to dream is one thing that is the most fun, the most enjoyable, the most happy, the most wonderful and the one of the greatest feeling to have, despite that it is only for a short while. But in the end, it comes to this point that Adiaz finds it hard to accept: Reality is so far beyond that. Reality…is a moment, a place where every second is worth fighting for. To get something, you have to fight for it. Unless you put a good fight, you won’t be able to achieve what you targeted in the first place.

And Adiaz, unfortunately, is not a good fighter. And Adiaz envied very much those who were good. There are times when Adiaz does get the fruits, but it’s not the fruit that she aimed in the first place. Honestly, I tell you, Adiaz is exhausted. She is tired of having to face the fact that everyday in her life is a battle, whetherit is a big or a small one. Adiaz knows she sounded pitiful. Adiaz is aware she is being an escapist. Adiaz also knows that she is too emotional most of the time.

Perhaps that’s why Adiaz dreams a lot. All those dreams helps her to be happy once in a while; when she was almost giving up or when she is feeling awful. Those dreams somehow gives her a strange sort of motivation to keep on going. What a strange way. Well, Adiaz IS strange. (haha!).There are many times where Adiaz hopes to escape to a very solitude place with nobody around but herself accompanied by nature, but since she cannot find it here in the world she lives, Adiaz flies to her other world. At least those dreams have found her a tranquil place to ease her sorrow, frustration and disappointed from reality.

=Adiaz speaks…and at this time…she’s worried she cannot carry on her oligations.

Thursday, November 13, 2008

Hello. The name is Adiaz. Just Adiaz. Merely an ordinary person born into an ordinary but wonderful family and does everything ordinary every single day.
Adiaz is a soul...who hardly people noticed the existence. Adiaz owns no special skills, and is SOOO naive about fashion (which is SOOO unbelievable for an adolescent girl). Adiaz does not own a computer brain;that can store SOOO many things for a long time. Adiaz is clumsy, and sumtimes quite a ditzy person. And she does not have a complexion worth admired. Adiaz received many critcisms and many sorts of impression all the time, but as hurtful it may be, Adiaz never counter attack. Not because Adiaz is a coward (although adiaz thinks she is) but because she does not know how.
As pathetic as it sounds, that is the reality. Well, you know what they say, life isn't a bed of roses. Adiaz knows she is a pessimist, but she does try hard to be otherwise. But the hardest thing to do is to improve, and Adiaz is well aware of that. Adiaz also knows behind all those shortcomings, there are undiscovered specialty and talent God has given her. It is just the matter of time before Adiaz found them and use them for good.
Deep down, Adiaz felt special And this is why I created this blog. I want to share about how it feels to live in a world like Adiaz's. A world full with curiosity, uncertainty, and questions.Believe me, it is definitely not a good adventure. Adiaz is a difficult soul to understand. Even Adiaz doesn't understand herself most of the time. Adiaz is too weird to live. And it would be something to see how a weird people live their lives and to find out on their way of thinking about the world that evolve around them and inside themselves.
=Adiaz speaks...and at this time she felt like she's feeling something, but in the end, she feels...nothing.