This always happens to me. Most of the time, I will hope for something and wish to avoid another. But in the end, it's the one that I've been trying to avoid is what I receive and what I have to live with. I have to say that it's frustrating. VERY frustrating. It's as though I don't deserve to have the things that I want. Of course, there are some occasions where I have what I've wished for. Nevertheless, if compared to the ones that I don't want, they happen more often that the former. I always wondered, why i have to take all these? The ones I don't like is the one that I'll get. And the ones that I really want, isn't an inch closer to me. Again, it's frustrating.
This has been in my mind for a very long time. It has been so long that I thought that I dont deserve to get what I wished for. It made me thought that I'm not supposed to hold any dreams or hopes of my own because in the end, the otherwise happens.
But it wasn't until recently that I thought that perhaps that is not the main reasons why all that happens. Perhaps it was my way of looking at them was wrong. I didn't see the silver lining behind the clouds. All I see were clouds that were gloomy and brings nothing but sadness and disappointment. I forgot one utmost important thing. All these happens for a reason. And most of all, they all happens because it was all in God's fate that He has written even before anything existed. Nothing happens without God's will and permission. And just like a phrase; setiap yg berlaku ada hikmahnya, it applies to everything that happened throughout my 21 years of living. Instead treating it in a bad way, I should see it in the positive way. Of course, the things that I planned and I wanted doesn't happen as I wanted and I was replaced by something I refuse.
Actually, it was those refused and despised things that exposed me more on life. I get to see the good side of them. If it involves an individual, I get to know the person better, and learn about their goodness inside that I don't see before. Perhaps they don't bring out the best in me, but they definitely make me a better person that I would've been had I not received the ones that I hate. Sometimes, the things we hate is the things that will be the most important things in our lives.