The End of One...Beginning of Another

Happy New Year 2010!!!!!!!

Shhh...It's a secret!

I have something to write about...

Something that I've never told anyone before...

Except for the readers, well, you're about to find out what...

But before that...

Shhhh.....

Can you keep the secret?
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Another a year and a half...then I'll be graduating as a law student. (Insya Allah).

Honestly, I am surprised of myself for able to survive until now. I still remembered vividly the early times I enrolled as a law student. I always thought of a way to get out of it. I don't want to be in law. It's not an inch of my interest. I thought of exchanging courses often.

To tell the truth... I never liked law.

I had options...but I chose law.

Why?

Well...

Because the other option requires more than I could've imagined. And I don't want to be more burden to my parents. I have other siblings, they have their necessities too. The other choice is what I wanted. But it came with a price. A very high price. And at that time, I don't think it's right for me to accept it, even if I have already secured a place at the Institute.

Nope, I don't think it's a noble thing to do. I don't even know if that was the right thing to do. I just don't know. If I tell this to my family, they won't believe. I know, and I don't mind. I think it's better for them to think that I wasn't sure of what I wanted to do at that time than to think that I did it because I don't want to put more burden on them. It'll offend and hurt them really bad.

Nevertheless, there is always a silver lining in every cloud, regardless of how gloomy the cloud is. I started to see law at a different angle. It wasn't as manipulative as most people say. It's not a filthy way to make earnings for living. It's a good field, because it help those who are unable to speak for themselves.

Besides that, I learnt and grasps experiences that I probably didn't get if I go to another place. Although not extreme, but it is enough to open my eyes that everything and everyone is not what we expect them to be. I met wonderful people that decorates my life with warm, dark, bright and gloomy colours. Regardless of in what way they treated me, I still see them as a bless, because each and everyone of them carried a lesson worth learning and worth remembering.

I can't say I am very happy and satisfied with current situation. But I have choices, and I chose the least fancy one. Perhaps it's not what I wanted, but maybe this choice will bring something different and unexpected that can change my life. I just have to embrace it and make the best of it.

All I can certainly say is...

I am very grateful for everything...

choice

choice...Lady's Choice (sedap!)

Tetiber je!

haha...we all have choices. In everything that we do everyday and everywhere with everybody. And it differs too. Some choose black, but we choose white. Some choose left but we choose right. All is up to us and no one else.

Like attitude or character of a person. Sure, we can say he or she is from a good family, who goes to a good school, and will soon end up being a good person. But that is all we can do...just SAY. We cannot determine that it will turn out to be exactly what we want. Because everything is on the person.

Of course, there will be some influences that will affect the choice we made, but nothing beats the choice of the heart. What the heart really wants, and agreed by mind and body that it is what suits them best. People often see or judge a person through the person's environment.

Schools for example. When a person goes to a village school, the hopes of him or her becoming successful is less than those who goes to an urban, city school. That's the way some people see things. Of course, not everyone. Like when a girl went to say, a convent school, there is a good impression there already because of the school's reputation. People will see her as being fluent in English, very feminine and girly, or to some, may see the girl as a show off. People have different sorts of colours. But not all convent girls end up like that. Take yours truly. I've been a convent girl since standard one, but i don't find make-up is a necessity, i don't see fashion as exciting, and i'm not fond of the idea of cheerleading. But I do admit Convent school helped me improve my English. Thanks to my beloved, dedicated teachers.(love them all!). A student from a religious school too may decide to take a different lane from other students. People's impression is a religious school student will always be religious, wearing 'tudung labuh' and 'kopiah' every single day. But do all of them end up like that?

I may sound too much on those statements, but that is how I feel. That is just the bubble we live in. The public, the society will always be critical. That is the way they try to create a world that they like, that they feel comfortable with. That thy feel safe living in. I am not excluded. I criticise about almost everything, because I want to feel safe, and comfortable in going through life. And I receive critics everyday too. They asked me to do this, to do that, to wear this, to walk like that, to behave like such and such...and it ends there. It only starts again when I made a choice to do one of the things that I received from the critics. One that I know and hopeful that it can lead to an improvement in myself. The critics never sleeps, but despite that, they cannot change anything unless i choose to follow. Like I said, we have choices that is up to us to decide which suits us the most. How we feel comfortable and safe in. What makes us, us. What suits US, not THEM. Love ourselves first, be satisfied with what and how we are, before we want to help and satisfy others.

Even when it comes to voice of the heart; love. Love cannot be forced, but there is always choices. And choices differs in everyone. We can choose to love and wait for a person who doesn't notice us, or we can accept a love from a person who we have no feelings for but who saw you when you were invinsible.

We are what we choose to be...

I Wish...

For this year to be a different year than other years. Better or worse, I refuse to have any anticipation. Let the fate decide. Whatever it is, I hope that my mind, body, soul, and emotion can handle it the way I want them to. We can never see the future, but we definitely see the changes in ourselves as the future approaches. Time changes everything regardless if it is just by a millisecond.

Okay, I'm crapping again. As usual. Well, the real purpose of writing this is to list down some resolutions, of which I so hopefully be able to fulfill. People make resolutions, but only some able to fulfill them all. As for others, those resolutions they so enthusiastically made turned out to be like old newspaper. We noticed it, but ignore it. Anywho, these are my resolutions for the new year. (semangat lebih!)

-please please please be more industrious! get those lazy bones going!
-continue my violin class. (hope to play better)
-please please please be tidier!!! (erk! mcm susah jer...)
-hope i can grasp more confidence than before. (i'm actually, seriously very coy and pessimistic)
-try not to get involve in any form of silly crushes and puppy love or monkey love (cinta nyet)
-reduce, or better erase that blur attitude of yours. Be more alert!
-be matured! (parents always say this)
-hope to be healthier
-try not disappoint parents and family. (I've been a disappointment for some time actually)
-Be closer to God
-Love myself

There's so much I would like to make amends. The last three is actually the ones that I want to accomplish the most. I know I'm never going to accomplish all. The hardest thing to do is to improve. But perhaps by writing them down, it can be made as a reminder...

I hope it will.

footnote: tergerak nk tulis post ni lepas tgk post cik miemi...tetibe je jeles..hehe...

DAMN IT!!!

OMG! why does things always go awry at the time we thought things are going to get smooth??
Just when I decided to be friendly and caring, one stupid unsupposedly to happen thing occurred. And hell yeah I am angry and frustrated of myself. Thinking how stupid could I be?!! It is not even supposed to happen!

If only you know that it was a miscommunication. I was thinking of one thing and you were thinking of another one. I am dreadfully sorry if I offended you. Well, actually, I did offend you, inadvertantly. And God I am feeling so guilty right now. Looks like our minds don't think alike; and that is the root to the problem.

Why? Just when I thought of being friendly, caring and helpful, something happened that made my intention looked ugly...Why?!! Do I not deserve to be blissful for that few minutes??

I feel like knocking my head on the wall and scream my head of right now!!! God, I really want to tell you that it is all a stupid mistake.

I'm feeling so stupid and so angry at myself right now. Darn it!

A Thought

It's been a while since i write any post. Well, I'm currently being very busy. You know, being a career woman, there's meetings, negotiations, clients, travelling here and there, attending dinners... my hands are tied. Plus, i have a wedding on the way...

Haha! In my dreams! But wouldn't that be nice? To have a successful life, and having to finally found the right person to share our joy and tears together. Fantasy certainly serves better than reality, which often bites. But then, it's those bites that teaches us the survival tips. You know what they say; experience is the best teacher.

well, last few days, before I went away for an important meeting (ceh!), I was watching a video in Youtube and that video just totally blew me away. It was a beautiful video. A wonderful moment to witness, and I could've shed buckets of tears if if my aunt wasn't sitting next to me watching Oprah. My image as a steel woman must be preserved at all times. (perasan).

Perhaps most have already watched the video. It earned more than 5000000 views! Impliedly, it can be said it is quite a famous video. The video is simple. Involving two men and a lion. But what it is about is the magic of it. They have such a bond, a bond so strong that despite years apart, the lion still recognised them. It is an animal, but there is still love in it and the lion cherished the moments and the love that the two men have given.

That just shows love is a very strong potion. If it can still make such magic between animal and human, imagine how much wonders can it do with humans, who have brains, who understand what love is more than a wild lion. A lion; , among the most dangerous and feared animal on the planet, that eats other animals, and it could have done the same to the two men, but it embraced them instead.

Imagine how beautiful the world will be if we all have such love with one another. Of course, we all have a bad side, but why choose vengeance and hatred when we can have friendship, care, and love? We claimed ourselves to be the smartest creature that roams the Earth, clearly we can see what is the best choice. Not just for us, but for everyone. It will definitely make the world a completely different place to live in.

blank

Actually, i don't know what to write. Just want to exercise my fingers. Haha!

My aunt has been claiming her recipe book since last two days, and I haven't finished copying it all down. There's quite a lot or writings and my hands doesn't seem to enjoy to do any writing work. Mentang2 la dh lama x pegang pen. Ceh!

This Thursday my we are going to my uncle's house to help him preparing majlis aqiqah for his daughter. We'll be doing lots of work, i can assure that. Well, at least I can have some time playing with my little cousin. And my very first niece will be there too. So that means it's twice the fun! (hopefully..) hehe...

Lastly...I would like to ask...

sape nak ikut pergi Langkawi cuti mid sem nanti????

That is all.

Expect The Unexpected!

This is the day...the day of truth...the day to face one of the things that manage to make my heart beat fast, my hands cold and shivers on my neck...

Ok..cut the crap.. That's too metaphoric and too poetic...

It's not that big of a matter actually. The words up there is suitable for those who are getting married, or who is entering the International Moot Competition and those who are up to the most important job and task to do! Back to the main scope of the title...This refers to...

My exam results!!!

And yes, I was expecting something, but it turned out otherwise. All I can say is Alhamdulillah and I'm very grateful to Allah S.W.T for the results obtained.

It's not that high...but it's improving. Much better than previous semesters. And no, I didn't make it to the Dean's list. A list that is a dream for all university students. A list that I so dyingly wished to be in once..during the early years of my semesters as a law student. But now, I don't know why, but I seem to have no interest at all to make it to the Dean's list. That is so unambitious of me!

Perhaps now I'm more focussed on improving myself for my own benefit than trying to prove myself to people. Before, I studied aiming for the Dean's list just for the purpose that people will notice me and have a certain impression that I want them to see me as. But now, I think proving to yourself that you can improve and be a better person is what matters first. So, it doesn't matter if I didn't reach the list, as long as I know that I'm improving myself, my personality as I move on. Maybe my results doesn't help much for me to acquire my dream job, but I hope the improvement I did to myself will help.

I know some...well..most may not agree with how I think. But that doesn't matter. Everybody's different. I'm satisfied with what I have because it's worth the effort I gave. And I know if I put more effort and work harder, the reward too will be better.

And the best thing is...I have no regret and disappointment.

a thought for the day

"A picture holds a thousand words..."

I'm sure many are familiar with this phrase. The definition..well, I think I don't have to elaborate it here. Hehe..(padahal mls sbnrnyer..=p). That is what we say about pictures. A picture can give out many interpretations to many. Some may see it as beautiful, some may see it as nothing but nonsense, some see it as a picture not worth anything. Bottom line, it's all the matter of seeing it from either the positive or the negative angle.

But what about human expressions? Gestures? Facial expressions? Is it right to interpret it similar to interpreting pictures?

One thing that differenciate a picture and human: Human have a heart and a mind. We have the power to decide and to control what we want and how the world see us. We can put up a happy face all the time, but deep down, we don't feel the exact way. Our face acts as a mask, like that of the masquerade mask, that serves the purpose to hide our true colour. A painter can describe his or her feelings through their pictures, but not all can be transferred into pictures. The pictures are only the ones that the painter wants to share it with others. An individual will want their very own secret to keep too. Of course, not all people hides their true feelings. Some prefer to show what exactly they felt rather than keeping it to themselves, for it can be detrimental.

I don't really sure what I am trying to say here. I just can't seem to find the right words to explain. But what I can say is that keeping feelings to ourselves is good at certain times, but if we become too secretive and prefer to keep it all to ourselves and refuse to share it to people, it can cause us to be a sad person. We will always be conscious about what people think. We will have less confident and a low self esteem. It can hurt us. There is a time where we need to share it with other people, like our friends and our family members, because it will help to heal the injured heart. It can be as a sort of therapy, and we will feel less burdened than keeping it to ourselves. Of course, everyone wants to be strong and courageous, but we have our limits and it does not mean that when we talk to someone or share the problems to someone, we are not strong. We are strong for having the courage to share it with people whom we trust. Not only that, it can be an eye opener to see whether we have friends who are with us through thick and thin or just a friend who are only there during fair weather. Perhaps by talking to people, they can help to solve the problem and give good advice that can lead and motivate us for improvement to be a better person. We will learn to love ourself more.

Another way I want to portray life:

"Life is like a Kaleidoscope"

*open for interpretation...=)

Hidup Berani Untuk Gagal

Have you ever noticed that whenever you entered a bookstore, any bookstore at all; be it MPH or Popular or Minerva or Pustaka Mukmin in Kuala Lumpur, there is always at least one book on the shelf with the title 'Dare to Fail'. This book, wonderfully written by Bili P.S. Lim is one of the No. 1 bestsellers, and has motivated and inspired his readers on striving their way to success despite enduring countless amount of failure.

I once thought of something when I saw the book. Why must we dare to fail? And why would anyone want to risk to experience failure in the first place? At that time, I thought that failure will not come if we have put in our best effort and innermost passion in anything that we indulge. Just like a saying; no pain, no gain. At that time, I thought failure will come to those who are indolent and simply taking for granted the opportunity and the convenience that has been given. Well, I was wrong.

Failure has no boundary, no smell, no tracks, and often it comes at the time we least expected it. We thought we are full prepared for the interview, but when the day comes, we tumbled. We have studied and burning the midnight oil for months only to find the result to be nothing but a disappointment. Often, when such occasions occurred, we asked God. Why must this happen to me and not to someone else? Where did I go wrong? What did I do to deserve this? The consequences can come in either two ways. We wash away the dejection and the frustration and try again or decided to stop and leave our future wholeheartedly to God, thinking that if this is the fate that has been determined, there is no use of continuing, for the future is already written and we have no powers to change it. That is where the wrong is. Of course, the fate is already written, but we can make the future better by improving ourselves. Everyone dreams of having a beautiful and blissful life with our beloved family and friends, but nothing comes on the house. Everything needs effort and enthusiasm and determination, only then we can learn about the world, that it is not only a bed of roses, but it is also full with prickly, uninvited thorns that become the obstacles for us. Most of all, all the hardship and failure is the main ingredient of creating and moulding a successful and strong human. We are the caliph of the world, sent by Allah S.W.T to rule the world to become a wonderful and enchanting place to live. If the leader owns no spirit of fighting, the people will collapse. Just like a ship, if the captain has no determination to search for an island and venture the ocean without fear of facing bitter failure, his ship will wreck and sink into the deep sea, becoming nothing but a rotten wood and playgrounds for the fishes. Failure is bitter, but that is the antidote. We can never learn and will never improve if we never have the experience of suffering and failure. Perhaps it is the most painful thing to bear, but think of the previous heroes that has conquered their fears and failure before being able to touch victory. We have lots of heroes as examples; Salahuddin Al-Ayubi, Ibnu Sina, and especially our beloved prophet, Rasulullah S.A.W. The Prophet has endured thousands and countless amount of suffering and failure, but all those do not even shake an inch of his spirit and determination in spreading the holy religion of Islam across the globe. And all those effort are handsomely rewarded, for Islam is now the major religion which has the most followers in the world. The success was not mainly because he is a Prophet, it is also assisted with his determination, perseverance, high spirit and ambition of creating a new world, a world of peace, harmony and in accordance of Al-Quran and Sunnah. If this example isn't good enough, picture our life like that of the Lord of The Rings trilogy movie, minus all the monsters. They have encountered obstacles, suffers failure, but when they finally reached their goal, all the suffering have become immaterial.

Furthermore, if we are not given any taste of hardship and failure, if victory and success just roll on towards us like a ball, we will become a selfish person, an arrogant human and an ungrateful soul, thinking that we owned the luxury based on our own work and not from God. This is where failure is important too. It will remind us constantly that we are no super heroes that have the ability to make things according to our own desire. We are humans, full with shortcomings and prone to mistakes. Not only we must persevere, we must also remember our Creator, Allah S.W.T. Never abandon and never neglect our obligations, for everything seeks for the blessings of Allah S.W.T. Even the most wealthiest and powerful human in the world can be taken away all of his influences and luxury if he has gone beyond the blessings of Allah S.W.T.

Failure teach us one of the most precious lesson in the world. Nothing comes without pain. There is no good without bad, there is no black without white, there is no dark without day. Failure happens to everyone, but it varies based on individuals. It is up to us to choose the path. If we prefer to have a clear path, without any obstacles but straight, comforting and safe, we will reach the destination. If we decided to pick on a path that is risky, we will also reach the destination. The only difference is the latter keeps their most precious and valuable treasures we can use for life. What is the treasure? Courage, dignity, victory and most of all, the recipe to become one of the successful human and caliph in the face of the earth, regardless of whether it is a big or a minimal task. There is nothing more satisfying than to taste the sweetness of victory after a long journey of hardship and failure. That feelings is the best feeling that we can ever have.

So, don't treat failure as a foe. Treat it as a friend, a wonderful friend who wants nothing but the best for us. Also, have a strong faith in Allah S.W.T. Allah will never give a task that is beyond our capability. And He never disappoints an individual who has given their very best for an ambition to make the world a better place. I like to portray life as a caterpillar. It has to go through the thorns before it gets to the rose. The journey is slow and challenging, but when it reaches the beautiful, soft petals, there is no place in the world that feels better than that. So don't be afraid to fail, or I prefer to say in my very own beautiful mother tongue language; Berani Untuk Gagal.

*Contest ini dianjurkan oleh blog Denaihati. Saya tahu tentang contest ini dari blog El Blog De Adila. Hadiah pertandingan ini ditaja oleh DSGClicks, Berani Gagal Network, One Malaysia Blogshops, Anisha Online Mall, dan Saudacare

This Is For You..

The strands in your eyes that colour them wonderful

Stop me and steal my breath

And emeralds from mountains thrst towards the sky

Never revealing their depth

And tell me that we belong together

And dress it up with the trappings of love

I'll be captivated, I'll hang from your lips

Instead of the gllows of heartache that hang from above

And I'll be your crying shoulder

I'll be love's suicide

nd I'll be better when I'm older

I'll be the greatest fan of your life

And rain falls angry on the tin roof

As we lie awake in my bed

And you're my survival, you're my livin' proof

My love is alive and not dead

And tell me that we belong together

And dress it up with the tappings of love

I'll be captivated, I'll hang from your lips

Insted of the gallows of heartache that hang from above

And I'll be your crying shoulder

I'll be love's suicide

And I'll be better when I'm older

I'll be the gretest fan of your life

And I dropped out, I burned up

I fought my way back from the dead

Tuned in, turned on

Remembered the thing that you said

I'll be your crying shoulder

I'll be love suicide

And I'll be better when I'm older

I'll be the greatest fan of your life

*I'll Be by Edwin Mccain

-_-

Hmm...nothing much to say actually...

Was planning on uploading some pictures...before I realize that I didn't bring my USB cabel...haih...

Planning to make some cute bags, but can't seem to find the perfect and the suitable materials needed... It's just so hard to find some good left over kain...huhu

Was ready and prepared to go out and have a fun time venturing this cat city alone, before mum said no due to safety reasons...well...for those who haven't been to the cat city, be informed there are some parts of the city dangerous for young, sweet women like me (ceh!) and the people, although having really cute, friendly and welcoming faces...may not be so friendly as you wished they would be.

Conclusion?

End up at home again...doing nothing again...except:

-being lil bro's fierce but comel teacher...heh..(once again, ignore the perasan comel statement)

-help here and there around the house..although actually I spent more time in front of the tele.. =p

-Help aunt rewrite her recipes into a proper exercise book, to prevent from any loss of those precious recipes...which will be something i really need later..(dun really know how to cook..huhu)

-Snap more pictures

-And have some fun learning one new thing...sewing beads..hehe...at least now I can have something to decorate my clothes if I find them not attractive enough..(kalo rajin la...)

hols 2

Ok...lets just face the truth. Admit it. There's no denying of the fact and the truth about this.

Holidays can be B.O.R.I.N.G

There! I've said it! huhuhu.... Please ignore the above over emotional statement. Yup..just as I was planning on something interesting and fun, there's always barriers that comes between me and fun. Its as though they don't bless the relationship that we have..ok..over metaphoric description...hee.=p

One thing...I have already thought of spending a couple of days in Sabah with my friends there. But the tickets are suddenly becoming too pricey that I cannot afford it. And there is no way too for my parents to sponsor the trip. They have other things to do too...

Two...the weather is not so friendly too... Last two days, our house were invaded by water. (banjir la sng ckp). While being fun to experience flood, especially for my lil bro...it is a hassle to get thing cleaned up. And it doesn't matter it involves big flood or small flood...it still bring bane along with the boons. Since there is also an obstacle in terms of transportation, as I've mentioned in the previous post, i have voluntarily quarantined myself at home. Facebook has become so boring, I've watched most of the dvd's available, and Astro seemed pointless to have. I want to go out! And at this point, I don't mind if I go out alone and getting lost in the middle of the cat city. Also, I have currently developed an interest. And I really wish I can get my hands on this idea. Wanna know??? .

.

.

.

.

I want to try to make bags! Cloth bags in particular. Back in the university I happened to saw one of my friend's handmade cloth bag and it seems like an interesting and fun thing to do when everything else fails. But of course, it's easier said and done. Lastly...is there anyone who knows any websites which have any relation whatsoever with this childish idea of mine? I'd really appreciate it very much. =)

i find they are really cute and fun to make!!! =)

hols

Its the holiday season people! there is so much time to be wasted...so many places to be explored...so many people to meet...so many movies to catch on...and lots of other things that can be done...

As usual, I spent the holidays with my family in my hometown in Sarawak...at the island of Borneo..(ceh..poyo jer ckp cmtu). To tell the truth...I don't really looking forward to the holidays spent in Kuching. For one reason it is not entirely the whole family gathering. My father is still at the Peninsular and my sister and my brother are so far away in Egypt. Normally, we will be hving a long line of mattresses that we arranged it at the open space of the house. And we will be sleeping together there...me, my siblings, my granny, my aunts, my parents too sometimes, despite that they already have a room of their own. But this time, it is different. There is a slight loneliness in the house.

Also, I don't get to go around places. One thing is the transport problem. Another is I am not fully familiar to the place. Well, you would be if you only spent the early six years of your life in Sarawak and the rest 15 years is spent in Ipoh. Kuching definitely have developed. Still, there are places that I remembered seeing it as a kid that is still intact. And that is one heritage.

Perhaps the next coming holidays I will try to spend my holidays at other places. Places that I can go around. I love sightseeing. And I think it is an awesome and adventurous thing to do to just pick a spot and paint your own journey. It's like being a traveller. You'll never know what's waiting in front of you. Just like I always say to myself. "Take life as it comes".

But of course, this idea of mine will be an absolute no way josey for my parents. But...maybe if I can convince some beautiful friends of mine would like to join the quest it'll decrease the doubts of my parents.

So...anyone interested???