more than just butterflies in my stomach

will start work tomorrow.

can't stop thinking about it, I even dreamt about it. And the dream wasn't a nice one.

not prepared mentally and emotionally. I find it too fast to start. Didn't even stayed a week at home. Plans to make cookies and cupcakes with my brother...gone!

a reunion coming! hope I am able to attend it.

Don't know what to do now. Don't know what to prepare. I just hope that tomorrow will not end up to be my worst day ever.

should I?

Supposedly, there were four interviews to attend. I've packed my bags with all the formal clothes, tried to remember some basics on contract law, islamic banking, admiralty law as much as possible and wish that I can remember during the interview. I planned if possible, I'd like to do my chambering in a firm which has anything to do with shipping law or international trade, because that's what I planned to further my studies into.

Alas! I only went to the first interview and missed the rest. I am not sure whether I should call it a good interview or otherwise. I reached there early, waited in the lobby for about 10 minutes. Got called and was asked to fill in the application form, which I did it in a few minutes. Then came the boring part; waiting. Yeah, they made me wait for 30 minutes. And the staffs can see what I was doing (practically nothing!) as they pass by. Then the partner came, asked me a few questions like which do you prefer; conveyancing or litigation, and when can you start, and what if there were other firms that offered you a position, in which I asked those question honestly. I think. Haha.

The firm is different than what I want. They only do banking. 95% banking. At first, I thought maybe this is not the suitable firm for me, because I'm not interested in banking in the first place. So, I thought why get involved in something that you don't like? And they want me to start on 1st June! I was thinking of starting later. I need a break, plus, there's a reunion coming!! I don't want to miss it!! >.< Their pay is good though, in line with the lifestyle in KL. And the place is strategic, in the heart of KL, near to my aunt's workplace, so there's no need for me to bring my car, yet.

Then after the interview, I went to Sogo, while waiting for my aunt to finish her work. It ended at 3.30, so I have to wait like an hour and a half. And imagine wearing heels, carrying your file and coat, it was kind of exhausting. I've circled the place two or three times, before I went out to go to Mukmin bookstore, bought two novels and two magazines, went to Secret Recipe for some refreshments, before walking back to BNM.

Oh, I forgot to tell you. They called back. And I got the position. Which brings me to this dilemma of whether I should accept it or not? Parents gave the expected answer; take it. Some friends also suggested the same. I'm still uncertain. Should I? Because I'm not sure if this can take me to where I want to go. All this while people say to get the job you love. Now that it's the opposite, I'm not sure whether I can love the job that I get.

Journey

 And this journey that we're on,

how far we've come, and I celebrate every moment.

Yes. Every journey will finally come to an end. As for me, it will be the four years journey as a law student in a university located far up north of the country. Every journey has its story and tales. Mine is probably not the most exciting one, but I've learnt many things. Experiences taught me how to act wiser and smarter, how to cope with problems no matter how minimal it is, and how to survive when I feel that everyone else is going against me. I come to realise that not everyone is who they really said they are. People wear masks, and some of them wore theirs perfectly that you are unable to see the real person until they reveal themselves. I deal matters involving people; friendship especially, more than I deal with matters involving my studies, which is supposed to be my priority. I guess He wants me to deal with both. I had this thought that people will be kind to you if you're being likewise to them. Well, some of them don't and I had to learn it the hard way. First hand experience. And it was a good thing. Experience is really the best teacher, managed to wake me up and realize about the ugly truth before it's too late.    

But not all are pebbles in the shoe. Of course, there are also wonderful, lovely people I met that taught me that it is alright to go against the crowd. Just be true to yourself, and you'll do fine anyways. Different people have their path differently made. There was a time where I prefer to be in a comfort zone, but now I think, being too comfortable doesn't really take you anywhere. Still trying to cope with this, I just hope I have enough determination and strength. These friends, these darlings cheers my gray and lonely days, helped me in times of need, and lend their ears when I need someone to talk to. And together we create our own circle and memories.  

This journey will end in a few days. On the last day, tears will fall, there'll be endless hugs and kisses and taking pictures to capture and preserve the moment. Of course, it will be a sad day. But that is life. Life gives you precious memorable times you wish will never end, but only give you shorter moments for you to say goodbye. Or maybe it's just in my own experience. Sure, you will miss the times and how you wish you'd appreciate those moments more, but that feeling too, will come to an end. Because another journey awaits, and you cannot greet it unless you are ready to let go. Let go of the emotion of wanting to go back to the past. Take back the heart and emotion to the present day, and keep those cherished memories safely in a box, and store it in your memory and at the bottom of your heart. But don't lose it, because it will come in handy in times of need.  

Today in History

SINTOK- This just in. Apparently, a class of final year student who were taking their criminal procedure exam today had their exam to be 'postponed' for a few hours. This is due to the fact that the staff and the lecturer failed to provide them with Criminal Procedure Code (CPC), an essential reference for their exam. It was reported before that the lecturer, who do not wished to have his name published, have agreed and told his beloved final year students that they will be provided with Criminal Procedure Code for their exams. The Code will be provided by the faculty.

Nevertheless, the students were shocked when they found out that there was no CPC provided. Despite attempts made by several students to request to the staffs for the CPC to be photocopied as soon as possible, their request were not well entertained as the staff said they need to get permission by the lecturer himself. The lecturer was in Penang, activity unknown, perhaps handling a case or in his office or having a rest at home.

Due to the miscommunication between both the lecturer and the staff, students were made to wait without any definite answer of when the exam will actually starts. The paper that should have started as early as 9.00 a.m. was delayed for 3 hours, causing not only dissatisfaction, but also anger and tired of waiting.

This is perhaps one of the rarest occasion to occur in this place who take pride on having somewhat a good and efficient management skills. So far, there are no other places reported to this reporter about a delayed exam for 3 hours. Well, I guess this really is a one of a kind uni.

p/s: sila baca cara orang baca berita TV3 or BBC. lol!

this

dear God, ,make me a bird, so I can fly far, far, far away from here.

what I'm feeling right now. That sentence pretty much explains it.

what do you think?

I found this in makan-dalam.blogspot. What do you guys think? How far is this true?

http://makan-dalam.blogspot.com/2011/05/animasi-mengenai-islam-rugi-kalau-tak.html

time machine

Boy, time sure does fly fast! I just got back and is still having the post picnic mood, when I realized there's only 5 days left for the remaining 2 papers! so now you're panicking?

Procrastinator. A big one.

roadtrip + picnic

Able to sigh for relieve...at least for this one week. Last Wednesday was the second paper, Jurisprudence 2. And while I really like learning about Jurisprudence; honestly, I just like reading and knowing about different philosophies and how these jurists think about changing the society and the law and how much they defend their theory and critic others. Nerd much? Maybe. Haha! Unfortunately, I kinda botched the paper. Failed to remember that well what those jurists said and argued. Furthermore, I was feeling sleepy due to lack of sleep and had infections at my right eye (it turned red and itchy), VERY disturbing!! Frustrated. I knew I could do better, because it's one of my favourite subject! damn!

Too late to mend things now. What's done is done. So, after the exam, we have 10 days gap before the remaining 2 papers; criminal procedure and evidence. And as usual, I'm not the type of person who go preparing notes straight away. Normally I'll be doing it 4 or 5 days before the exams. Ha! And you wondered why I couldn't answer properly...faridz, faridz....haih....

Anyways, my friends and I decided to release the tension and treat ourselves to enjoy the end of a stressful week. So on Friday, we packed our bags and drove to Sg.Sedim!!!! Yay!!! a perfect getaway! the place is just beautiful!(it's so pretty I'm gonna die!! XD) I love being surrounded by nature, and this place is a must go! It's quiet, the air is fresh, greenery everywhere, and the waterfall is just awesome!! love the cool clear water!! At first I didn't plan to join my friends for a dip, because my monthly friend came at the wrong time! >.< Nevertheless, the water is just soooooooo tempting, I decided to jump into the water anyway! Hahaha! we had an amazing time, splashing at each other and floating in the water. The current is really strong, and unless you really know how to swim, it's best to be cautious. We brought along food, and we had a small picnic. Not the yummiest food we've ever prepared, but what the hell, eh? we had a really good time and it is definitely one memorable time! I really love the time, being around friends and nature, all the stress, and the tension...gone.

Here are some pictures I took from facebook. Didn't manage to upload those from my camera. =p

and so it starts. A beginning to an end

I am going to sit for my final exam in two days...well, a day, considering that it has past midnight.

this also marks the final exam finals that I am going to take.

Sedih pulak. I bet after this I will miss the environment of studying late at night with your friends, collecting notes and got them checked just in case you missed one that is important, the exam hall that is super sejuk nak mampus that you're going to freeze if you forgot to bring a sweater (happened to me twice, and I almost thought I was actually gonna freeze! terketar-ketar satu badan!), and don't forget those midnight snacks, it seemed that studying just made you hungrier than the usual. I'm sure gonna miss the reaction before and after exam. Before exam they will all be reciting and memorising, muka ketat je semua. Nak cakap pun taknak sebab takut hilang apa yang dibaca. After the exam, everyone seemed to have this relieved expression, but when you asked how was it, the normal reply would be like 'abis la aku weh, sem depan kena repeat/repair paper!', 'teruk giler weh, aku tak ingat apa yang aku baca!', 'tak cukup masa nak tulis weh. tangan aku dah beku dah', 'ntah la, tak tau la amende yang aku tulis,'...and a variety more. Hardly I received replies like 'ok la, tapi tak tau la betul ke tak,' or 'takde la susah sangat. Alhamdulillah aku ingat apa yang aku baca'. Afraid of being labelled overconfidence? Perhaps. I for one think it shows a positive attitude and confidence. kalau betul rasa macam tu tak salah kalau jawab macam tu. haha.

Student's life. I'm definitely going to miss you. Especially the free time I have, which I'm sure will not have much of them after this. Teringat pulak apa yang aku, dila, fenny and atiah cakap time lunch tadi: 'nanti benda yang kita ada sekarang akan jadi benda yang kita takde dan sesuatu yang kita nak, and benda yang kita nak tapi takde sekarang akan jadi benda yang kita sentiasa ada'. Faham tak? haha...simply put, bagi contoh duit and masa. Sekarang kita selalu pikir pasal tak cukup duit nak beli itu ini tapi ada banyak masa sampai tak tahu nak buat apa. Tapi lepas ni, kita dah boleh dapat and buat duit sendiri tapi kita akan selalu nak balik masa yang dulu kita ada'

Yup, that is life right. It's like taking turns. Sama la macam bila kita nak hujan, hari pulak panas terik. Tapi bila hari panas terik, teringin pulak nak hujan datang. It's better to accept what's coming and try not to whine and complain to much. There's always a silver lining. (note to self too. jangan banyak complain! hee)

-nanti la cakap pasal benda lain. Need the perfect mood.- ;)

hardship

Just a bit more.

You can definitely do this. Sure, it's difficult, much difficult than before and from what you expected, but remember the finishing result will be satisfying. Fight that negative, passive energy that is swirling and surrounding you now and welcome the positive and active. Force is necessary at this time. Must force yourself. Must do it to the very best as you can. Everyone else is going through the same thing too, and yes, perhaps what they're having is easier but take this as an advantage. At least you know what your limitations and your weaknesses.There's always chances to improve, the only difference is either you choose to take the chance or not.

Come on. Just this one. Consider this as trial and preparation for a heavier burden and a bigger responsibility to come.

sigh sigh sigh.....more sighs

Ever had a lecture that started from 10 a.m. to 10 p.m? with only one break given? No? good, don't. never. ever. ask for that. Yes? that surely you'll know how it felt.

The silver lining of this is at least we've completed one assignment. The big one. I said it's a big one because I find that until and unless this big assignment is not finished, I can't proceed to the other assignments, all due before the final exam, which starts on the 8th May, which, as you are all very much aware of, will be next week. As I'm writing this, I have 4 days before the exam, 3 assignments yet to be completed, haven't started a thing yet for the finals (yeah, I even forgot to print the exam slip!), and...well....more sighs and more stress.

Well, at least the so called mock trial went out well. I managed to convince the judge to grant bail to my pregnant accused. Poor lady, a mistress, and pregnant with a baby in a breach situation. Pitiful, eh? hahaha...glad that I didn't stammer much too. To the rest of the group members, kudos to all of you! A job well done. Praise ourselves for being able to survive till the very last moment. (dah group last, sah-sah lah kena stay sampai abis kan? hahaha).

Another news came today. I've decided to erase the doubt and clarify the status once and for all. Better to know and be disappointed now than being kept wondering and having false hope right? So yeah, as predicted, it wasn't a good one. Frustrated? Disappointed? Hell yeah! I feel sorry for my parents, especially my father for all the troubles I've caused. Honestly speaking, the frustration and disappointment is mostly for letting down and disappointing him. I thought I can repay back by telling him a good news once in a while, unfortunately, I don't have any.

Think positive. That's what many said to me. Yeah, that's perhaps the only way to move on. And what is sadder, is I have to force myself to find at least one thing positive about it.