I planned to blog about this the night I've arrived back in ipoh. But it seemed that the journey back from uum has made me exhausted.
That night, after tarawikh with my family, I was given a question by my parents. It wasn't a complicated question but it took me a long time to give the best answer to it. And it got me thinking a lot about it.
"What's your future plan? Nak jadi apa lepas grad?"
It was a simple straight forwarded question which I could answer directly and confidently. But instead, I stunned. In my head there were numerous types of job that I could think of, but none of those were not what I really want to do as a future career.
"I don't know yet" That is the only answer I could give. And as a result I received an extra lecture for my unsureness.
It got me thinking far back from where it all started. After the SPM. I didn't get any offers from any of the applications I sent. That was a frustrating moment as I really want to further my studies. Then fate has it that I got accepted into the UiTM law foundation programme. My aunt excitedly called in early morning.
"kitak dapat asasi law uitm"
At that time I was anything but happy and excited. Law wasn't my choice at all! buT I still go through it since that is the only choice I have. It has been 3 years now I hold the title as a law student. Some may think that I have started to be interested in this course and is able to think of my future career.
The truth is, I don't know. I don't know that all the studying and doing the assignment the best as I can is actually for the benefit of the future or just to earn a good pointer and CGPA. It really terrifies me that I don't remember all that has been thought and studied since I first started. What will happen when I start to work? It'll be a disgrace to myself and family for not being able to be a good legal practitioner. What's the point of studying if u don't remember anything?
Seriously, I'm terrified whenever I thought of this. I planned to further Masters right after degree but what will I do after that? Like my father said "u can't just study forever". I can't seem to find my ideal career yet. I am yet to find my true calling. I just hope that the time will come when I am finally certain and determined to make one job as my fixed career.