the end of a short memorable month

Hmm...it feels like such a short while staying here in Tawau. The first time arrived here, I thought,"It's going to be a long month". But then, now that it already come to an end, it was like only a few days staying here.

Many things I went through and experience here. And it was all fun, memorable, and exciting ones. I got to attend weddings, I got to eat food that are not found in Peninsular, and I got to meet many friendly, welcoming people, and I got to go to places I never dream to set foot on.

And tomorrow marks the end of my stay here in Tawau. I will be returning back to peninsular the first thing in the morning. Sedihnya...just as I was about to get closer to them, it was time to go home. But at the same time, I am very excited to return home, because my sister and brother studying in Egypt have arrived home safely. Alhamdulillah. Can't wait to meet them. Macam mana la rupa diorang kan? It has been a long time since I skype with them. The last time we talked, dearest sister looks chubbier while dearest brother seems to be skipping meals! Apa-apa pun, lega hati bila call rumah tadi si adik mengangkat. Lama tak dengar suara diorang. Hehe...

Insya Allah my trio back home runs smooth and reach home safely. Wait for my return and for my souvenirs ya! =)

Dateline

Damn! There's 3 more days before the end of my practical and I'm yet to finish my practical report!

Argh!! How am I ever going to finish doing a case analysis that requires minimun 40 maximum 50 pages within 3 days?

And I still haven't packed my things!

And my flight is 1st July...and it's at 8.25 a.m!

And my log book is still empty!

And...and...and...

Damn!

Procrastination not only kills time, it can almost kill me too!!!!

pee wee in a bottle

Lama dah tak update blog. Nak buat mcm mana...busy lady...(padahal sebenarnya tak ada ilham & mood nak tulis. Idea berlambak, asyik ada je benda nak luahkan tapi malas sangat nak exercise jari-jari yg runcing ni...ahaks!

Life at the firm now has become busier. The boss has been giving us assignments and cases to be read, understood and presented in front of him. Cuak oo...dah la bos strict...nak memahami kes tu memang pecah kepala ibarat gelas jatuh ke batu...haha...over! But still have the time to type this post kan...hmm...padahal boleh je guna freetime ni untuk buat report. Macam tak sedar diri plak yg aku ni ada seminggu je lagi nak stay di bumi Tawau, sabah ni. Kalau tak sempat siap, matai la aku!

Last weekend, we went to watch Karate Kid. The movie was awesome! It's complete. Simple story line, yet adventurous and full, easily be understood, and the actions in the movie is just great, added with some humour which made the movie not a bore to watch. First time tengok wayang kat Sabah. Hehe...And an embarrassing thing happened when we were buying the ticket. Tengah nak masuk tu, tak perasan la pintu masuk tu tak tutup lagi. Aku dengan confident berdiri je kat situ...then pang! Pintu dari belakang pukul kepala aku...adoi!!! Aku jerit and in less than a second all eyes fixed on me... Argh! But honestly, I was laughing along with those people instead of covering malu. Hahaha...memang kelakar...

Yang paling tak boleh blah is during the movie. It was almost halfway to the end of the movie. And as I watched with full concentration, I heard the sound as if water is poured into a bottle. Aku pikir, sape la yang tengah tuang air nak minum ni? I looked on my left side and I saw a boy standing, with his pants down. And the bapak pulak tengah tlg pegang an empty bottle as the little boy answered nature's call. Dalam kata lain budak tu lepas hajat kecilnya dalam botol! WHAA!!! Aku terkejut gilak! I was like...dumbfounded. Can't believe what I have witnessed! Aku cuit kawan sebelah aku...dia pun terbeliak. Kami sama-sama terbeliak dalam kegelapan panggung wayang tu. Selepas bisik-bisik skit...kitorg pun decide to ignore it and concentrate on the movie. Budak tu pun dah lega dah aku tengok. Heh...

Seriously, I cannpt believe such act can possibly be done. Where's the morality? Manners? And most of all...tak malu ke buat camtu? Maybe in other countries people don't really give a damn. But here is Malaysia, where people often try to poke their nose whenever possible. Aside from being a total annoyance to people, it is what make this country still cautious and concern about what happen around them. Kalau takde makcik jiran sebelah dok bertanya je...nobody will know the house will be empty. Kalau takde jiran sebelah asyik dok cuba curi-curi dengar, nobody will know if there is anyone else trying to break into the house. Of course, sometimes panas hati jugak bila asyik kena investigate dgn org sebelah, tapi last2...diorang la yang diminta tolong tengokkan rumah. Kalau takde orang yang nak ambik tahu, susah jugak. Sifat malu and manners tu tak lama akan hilang. Tu la orang cakap. Dalam seburuk-buruk benda tu, akan ada jugak kebaikannya. So regarding that pee in a bottle case, kalau orang buat tak kisah, benda macam ni mesti akan ada lagi. Diorang tak teragak-agak & tak rasa salah & malu untuk buat benda-benda macam tu. Not just pee, semua act la yang tak sesuai ditunjuk kat sini that still holds on and appreciate the value of their customs and traditions. Don't compare with other countries, sebab tak semua yang rasa custom and manners is what important in shaping a praised individual.

sambal sambalewa...I need help!

Sekarang semua orang tgh gila bola... It's the World Cup Season people! And I, though not a footballer, a kaki bangku and not really obsessed with balls...erk...football...is also not excluded to join in the excitement! Best ooo tgk bola, and lagi best bila main bola. Tapi futsal je la...and slalunya jadi reserve...hehe...

Wat country I support? Hmm...tak perlu cakap kot. You guys can make your own random guess. Mana tau, kalau ada yang betul...aku bagi hadiah! Sebijik bola sepak...best tak? haha... Tapi yang tak bestnya bila selalu miss watching the game. One reason beacuse I have to go to work...cewah...padahal practical je pun. Second is that I don't have the eyes of an owl to stay awake the whole night to watch the game... Hmm...kena pakai sabun tahan mengantuk ni, baru boleh berjaga sampai ke pagi... Pergi ofis plak dengan mata lebam macam panda...biler org tanya cakap la tu smokey eyes... Erk! Banyak la ko merepek!

picture credits to google.
bagi korang chocolate football! nak? sedap ni...hehe...

Speaking of practical...it's been already 2 weeks. And it feels like it's going to end so fast! So far, I like it here. Banyak benda jugak yang boleh belajar. Hehe... There's just one thing that bothers me though...

People say that if you have passion and love and enjoy every moment the task you are doing, then that is the one that suits you. Despite that I like it here, the passion is not there. Even if it is there, it is not as shining as I hope it would be... Ntah la...nak kata tak minat, maybe i do, maybe i don't. Even that I'm not so sure myself. Kalau ini pun aku dah dilema, macam mana nanti bila dah graduate and start working?

Should I force myself to do the things that I am supposed to do thinking that it is the right thing to do?

Or...

Should I search withing myself deeper to find the innermost passion that has been asleep for so long and follow it regardless of me wasting my 4 years in law school???

update

I am currently doing my law practical in a legal firm in Tawau, Sabah. This is the second day I'm undergoing this assignment. And I hope to do it will full commitment and dedication!!! yeah! (over!)

Truthfully, I still cannot believe that I am in Tawau Sabah. I mean, it's Sabah! This is the first time I am in a place where there's no relatives, or a group of friends coming along. This is a whole new version of experiences, totally different from going to National Service or Student Exchange Programme to Fukuoka. I am staying with my friend, Datin Miemi and her family for a month. So far, I enjoyed it here. It's a small town and yet a friendly one and there's many new things that I find every day. I hope to bring home some pearls for my family! hehe...

Of course, the first time or first day of my arrival to the firm, I feel a bit of an outsider. One thing is because I don't know any of them, while my friend knew them already, so there is already a bond existed. The second is because maybe I personally find myself awkward because despite speaking the same native tongue language, I am the only one who don't speak 'Baku'. Hehe... After all, it was my first day. That's just my personal problem to adaptation. Mind that I am a very difficult person to adapt into a new situation/environment and a difficult person when it comes to socializing. But it gets less awkward, thanks to the friendliness of the boss and the other workers.

At first, I don't know what have I got myself into by putting a legal firm in Sabah into my practical application, and to think that it got chosen, was completely bizarre and surprising! But then, every cloud has a silver lining right? Maybe I'll find something here. Something hidden, something memorable, something worth learning and remembering for the rest of my life, and like my acceptance here; something bizarre and truly unexpected...

p/s: just witnessed how small this world is....

Confessions of a Slim skinny Girl

Everyone wants beauty. Beautiful home, beautiful children, beautiful spouse, beautiful self...and it seems that there is this huge stereotype thinking that beauty is looking great and sexy. Great here means like that of the models; tall, curvy, skinny for the ladies...tough, six packs, tanned for the gents.

Almost everyone dreams of having skinny, slim figure. Some even starve themselves to death for it. It is as though it is a great accomplishment if you have such figure and that you will be beautiful if you are slim, and it is like the thing that can make many girls happy.

Well, it's not.

Not entirely. I've been slim and skinny for almost the rest of my life. I weigh 40kg and never put up even 1kg till now, despite that I eat a lot. On one side, I considered myself very fortunate for having a very competent and fast metabolism.I can eat a whole large pizza and never get worried of getting fat.And sometimes I smiled in pride when people compliment and said their envy of me for no need to bother undergoing diet or having to do strenuous exercise to keep my body slim, and how they wished they have my body instead.

But that's where they're wrong.

There is another side of the coin. While they are wanting to be slim like me, I so wanted to be curvy and have some flesh like them, instead of just skins and bones.Indeed, I like my body. But somehow I hope I can have just a little bit more. Being slim or skinny isn't all that fun. In my situation, despite that I can wear clothes that people can't get into, there are many situations where I want to wear clothes but couldn't because I'm just too small for it. Even if that clothes is size S. On my body, it looks like an L sized outfit. It is such a downer. I cannot do like what my sister and my friends always do when they go shopping; grab an outfit, and don't bother trying it on, because it's the common and normal size and fits them perfectly. I have to try it out, and in most situation it ends up back on the shelf because it is not my size.Just recently, I went out to buy baju kurung, but none fits me, despite that I really like some of them. I have to send it to a tailor, which will definitely cause more money than just buying a ready made one at the stores. It is very sad, and depressing for me. It makes me underestimate myself, thinking that I'm never looking good enough. It goes for other stuff. I cannot wear bracelets without having it altered, or buy rings from normal shops because none fits my boney fingers.

The saddest part of all is being teased and joked at. Sure, I never say anything, because I thought it as a joke. But frankly, it hurts. I got teased whenever I tried apparels; my friends will say: can you even fit in this? You look weird wearing it. The clothes are nice but it's not anymore when you wear them...and it goes on and on...People underestimate me when I volunteered to do something because of my size; are you sure you can do that?? better not, it's for your own good.... Excuse me, but I know my limits and my strength. And making fun of me is like a routine; be careful, you don't want to be blown away by the wind, don't wear that you look like you're shrinking, careful with the heels, you don't want to tumble up and break into pieces... And being a person vulnerable and prone to external influences, I grew up underestimating myself, feeling that I'm no good to do anything, or even capable to.I lost most of my confidence due to it. When I know I can do more, there's always a voice that crushed my spirit of proving myself to the world. Yes, I'm being pessimistic, an escapist and sensitive.

It's not that fun being skinny and slim. At all. Not fun. Don't get fooled by those models. Of course they are enjoying because they are being paid! And they are suffering to stay like that. But other people, ordinary people like us can enjoy as many food and delicacies there is in this world. So don't stupidly wished you are skinnier than what you are now, because this skinny girl would love so much to have that body of yours instead of a papan lapis figure. That is just what the media wants people to think, when you yourself are beautiful. Just put your head high and show off those beautiful curves...(i said this to myself everyday, yet, nothing changed)

No longer Black

I have some principles that I hope to hold on to for the rest of my life. Among them are no smoking or even try to, no drinking, no clubbing even if you have the chance, no betraying, and stay natural as the way God creates me. So far, those principles are still staying strong, which I have to say is a surprising and a good thing for someone who is easily influenced by anything that she finds interesting.

One of my principle is stay black. My hair that is...hope there's no misunderstanding there. hehe... yes, just like many other Asians, I have black hair, and proud of it. I seem to have this sort of thinking that black is the best colour of all. But that all changed when I set my eyes on purple. It was love at first sight, and eventually, black became number two. I used to wonder, why would anyone wants to colour their hair? Their original colour is beautiful enough. It matches with their eyes and skin tone. I used to think that those people are ungrateful and unsatisfied of what that has been given to them.

And today, I am one of them. It's no longer black. My black locks are no longer natural black like it has been for the past 22 years. I dyed my hair this evening, with the help from dearest mother. It was one new experience, I have to say. I didn't know dyeing your hair can be a messy thing to do. Not to mention the smell...ugh! I hate it!!! But in the end, I am satisfied with the result. I didn't get the exact result that I imagined in my head, but as long as people notice the colour, it's fine by me. It's not made permanently anyway...it'll go off within 2 weeks from now.

Did I regret colouring it? Somewhat. Because I realised that one of the principles have been broken. But honestly, I felt more excited than being angry of myself. True, I made changes from what has been given, but it is not something permanent, like plastic surgery. Plus, I can still perform my prayers, so that lessen the anxiousness. I guess what was I thinking when I decided to do this was that it is not wrong to try something new. Perhaps this is my only time and chance to do it. Now that I have the opportunity, I don't see the reason why I should restrain myself from trying something beyond my expectation. Of course, many will disagree...thus I sincerely apologise if this view of mine is offensive.

So now, as I am writing this, I have burgundy hair...