I don't wanna hold your hand

I never once feel attractive...

Yes, I am that insecure of myself.

Even when I was in love few years ago.

Despite thinking that I was lucky enough to have a caring and understanding partner, I still feel the extra need and effort to try to be as pretty as can be for him. So that he won't be disappointed and regretful. Even if it cost be some money.

Nevertheless, this person I used to date, although complimented me sometimes, there will always be something else at the end of the sentence. Like, he would say, 'Yeah, you're cute, but if you put on a little weight and have some curves, you'll be much more cuter!'

See my point?

Why should there be a 'BUT' in the compliment? What is wrong with my current appearance? The one that God has given to me? Why would you want me to change for something that I am already grateful enough? It's a totally different story if you are talking about my character or attitude, because that is changeable, but not this.

I may sound too demanding, but in my perspective, a person will love and accept someone whom he or she loves regardless of how much shortcomings or talents that they own. The last thing a girl would want to hear from a boy she adores is him telling her that she needs to make some changes in her physique because it is not attractive enough for him.

Do bear in mind that the person is insecured enough with herself, and she doesn't need anyone else to tell that she's not perfect, that she's not enough for him. What's the point of being with him anyways...if the change is only for the pleasure of only one party; which is clearly not you.

This is what I always remind myself of. I have been very insecure with myself for a very long time. I want to feel satisfied with what I have first. I want to feel beautiful first, and loving myself first. Before I allow someone new into my life.