It's Just Me

This is concerning something that happened a few days ago....

While reading and memorising notes for the exam, I received a call from dearest mom. Had a short conversation with her. She told me about my cousin received offer to continue her studies, about my siblings coming home by end of June, Insya Allah, and on my granny and aunt coming to Ipoh from Swak in June. It was a good conversation, at least I didn't feel as tensed as I was before. Then we talked about girls stuff...and she mentioned about a purple bag at the mall while she went shopping. Though she knows I adore purple, she didn't buy it...huhu...BUt that's not the point. The point is when she asked;

"What Brand do you favour?"

And I stunned, giving no precise answer to her question. A simple and direct one, but one that I don't have answers to. Perhaps I didn't bother to think about it until she asked. Perhaps all this while the brand is not of utmost importance for me in purchasing something.

Tempting huh? I admit, I like and enjoy looking at all these. But instead of having the intention to have it for my own, I normally act kinda nonchalantly. Most of the time I'll be saying to myself "It's just a shoe, only that it's more expensive and designed by famous people. That's why it's popular,". I don't know. Am I the only one acting and having this sort of thinking???

Perhaps it was the upringing or the external influences I received while growing up. All my life, I enjoyed wearing comfy sandals instead of pretty high heels. I prefer Bata to Voir or Vincci. Maybe because I learnt since I was small that what matters is comfort and utility. No use of buying if you don't like how you look in them. It's not worth the pain and price to wear 4 inch high heels shoes which will soon land inside the shoe closet and never to be worn again. Plus, I don't have the dollars in purchasing all such items. And even if I do, I find myself more attracted spending those money buying books or classical music Cds.

But who knows right? I'm writing this from the viewpoint of a university student, who depends on her parents and PTPTN. Perhaps when I work later, I might be one of those shopaholics getting in a fight for a pair of Chanel Boots of a Prada Bag...

p/s: no offence for the fashion lovers. It's just an opinion from a nobody.

F is the letter for...

FREEDOM!

After weeks of undergoing exams...I'm finally able to let out a relieved sigh...

This semester's papers were a great challenge!!!! And not to mention disappointing....I am so not confident of 3 papers...and one of the reason was due to the fact of me having a mental block while answering one of the papers. Seriously...my brain was like trapped...the answers were there...swirling around. searching for the door to exit to pass down to my hands and to the pen and to finally land safely on the answer script. But they didn't. That was the first time I actually suffered mental block. Damn, it's gonna affect that paper of mine. Other reasons...well...something like misleading tips given by lecturers, unexpected questions given by lecturer after being told that it will never come out for the exam...and question that didn't follow the tips given. Ahh...lecturer to blame??? Hmm....partly...(tgh cover..takut tak dapat berkat...=p)

And the sad thing is, when my parents called and asked. Sedih oo...I can't say that I couldn't do it...or else they'll be sad and frustrated. So I just said the papers were fine, and it's left to the discretion of the lecturers...when deep inside I know that the possibility of having to see an increase of my pointer will be near to zero. Nope, not being pessimistic or negative, just realistic.

Today was the last paper, and right after that, we all hit McD to celebrate the end of one burden being lifted. Haha...I'm acting as though exams are the hardest thing on earth...girl, you still have much to learn and lots to see...hmm....It was a long and tiring journey...haha...ye lah...kalau McD ada kat Alor Star je...kena la drive sejam sebelum sampai...why can't they open a franchise in Changlun??? Definitely will have lots of customers!

So now that exams were done, what I have to do now is to pack! Which is one thing I hate to do! You would be if your books alone needs three boxes! That's going to be one heavy luggage to bring down the stairs to the car. My back is waiting to get strained!

But the jolly thing is....Langkawi! I am looking forward to it. So far the plan stays...we (my friends and I) will be going to Langkawi on the 2nd-4th May. Insya Allah... Imagining the ocean is enough to bring tranquil. It has been long since I last visited that Mahsuri island...I remembered when I was small I was kinda afraid to go to Langkawi...takut kena sumpahan Mahsuri...lol....padahal bukan keturunan Mahsuri pun...keturunan nyonya Sarawak ada la...haha! And it is the first time for a friend of mine who will be coming along! Double triple excitement for her! she has her eyes on the chocolates there, being an avid chocolate lover. Jangan makan sampai migrain dah la ye...my mother warned me to not buy too many of those wonderful delights, so I have to think of other things to spend my money on....

And oh, Langkawi is not the only holiday destination for me this semester break. I'll be visiting Sabah as well!!! In June!!! Thanks to the Ipoh firm who gladly refused to welcome me to their firm for my practicum period. I got to do it in Sabah instead. Tawau specifically. And this is the first time I'll be going there, alone, so apart from being excited, I admit of feeling rather...nervous...or should I say anxious???

Whatever it is, it is going to be an adventure! Well, all this while you are complaining of not having enough travelling and adventure and experiences, well, now you have it!

Yup, I have and it is going to be a blast and definitely a memorable one... Insya Allah...

p/s: maybe I'll meet my mr.right somewhere in Langkawi or Sabah...who knows right?? hahaha...gatai!

F.I.N.A.L

FINAL...

FINAL COUNTDOWN

FINAL FANTASY

FINAL EXAMS!!!!!

Yup...a week more before I said Hello how do you do? to my first exam paper....and yet...I haven't start a thing!

Can somebody pinch me with all might or give me one good slap to wake me up and to realise that there's not much time left????

Kak, nak mintak derma...

Yesterday, I went to send a friend of mine to the airport. He went back home for study week. And hope he really study at home! haha..Cis, saje je buat aku jeles. Huhu...

Then on the way back to uni, I stopped by a petrol station to fill my car. As I was filling in gas, a girl was walking form one person to another...seeking for donations. And the people there, were either refused nicely or ignored her completely. Then she approached me, in her hands were some coupons and a tabung. In my mind..."ok, here we go again". And as I expected, that girl approached me looking straight into my eyes, hoping for some sympathy from me to give some donations to her for her orphanage. Deep down inside, I felt pity for that girl..her eyes had this hoping glow that I'll respond positively. I smiled gently at her, while my hands still holding the gas pump.

In the end, she walked away empty handed, and frustrated. I didn't give her what she wished for.

Yes, I looked like a cold-hearted, miser person who is not considerate or sympathetic or being helpful to an orphan girl who tried to help herself and her friends at the orphanage to have a better place to live. Honestly, it's not that I refused to help, it was the way of them seeking for help that I find it to be very inappropriate.

It was 10.30 p.m. when it happened. And that girl, was perhaps somewhere around my brother's age...10 or 11 something. Why was she left alone at the petrol station? A minor, a child, a primary schoolgirl, being made to ask for donations at 10.30 at night? Is that a right thing to do? She should be in bed, or perhaps doing her homework or play pillow fight with her friends, not walking around at night like that. What if she got kidnapped? or raped? or murdered? Would anyone notice her absence? I think not many will, the fact that she's an orphan. Not many will care.

I don't like the way the people who runs that orphanage use the children to get sympathy from people. To me, it's like child labour. It's not the children responsibility to go search for money for the orphanage. It's the duty of those who manage it. Those orphans must be given a proper education, a good meal, and time to enjoy their childhood. If they are made to do such works, isn't that just so cruel? It's like snatching away their freedom and childhood. Even if they do get some, in the end, it does not all be given back to them, half of it perhaps ends up in other people's pockets. And what do the children get? Apart from being sleepy, tired and restless the next day? What will their future be?

Of course, not all orphanage use such method to ask for help. There are those who do it the right way. But this is not something that should be ignored. I think that by seeing the way they use the children, it shows that how ignorant they are. We have welfare department in this country. And sure, sometimes to get the help they need, they have to go through long procedures. But I think that is better than using those children. Sometimes I see them loitering at shopping malls and in front of banks carrying boxes or raisins to sell and standing there for hours. It's just sad to see them there when they should be in school, learning new things, grasping as much knowledge and experience as they can and celebrate their day as children. There are times I gave some, because I don't have the heart to see them standing for hours and sweating in front of the shopping mall, with their baju melayu and kopiah. It's just manipulative. Using that image to strike pity to people.

A friend of mine once gave some money to a boy, and she said "dik, duit ni akak bagi untuk adik simpan, bukan bagi kat orang lain,". But the boy refused to keep it for himself. "Nanti saya kena marah kak,". When I heard that, I felt so sad and angry at the same time. What..you asked these children to dig some money for you and when they failed, they receive scolding??? For goodness sake! Tak kesian ke kat budak-budak tu? Of course, they owe you for accepting them and give shelter, but that is not the way. If this is said as a way to be thankful to you, it is just so wrong.

So perhaps I'm a miser, or selfish, or inconsiderate. But at least I don't help to encourage more of these things to happen. Maybe that girl will be scolded, but I hope it'll open their eyes that the society is not all blind. Hope they know that this method does not work. And most of all, I hope this will Stop.

Future Babeh!

Yup, I know we cannot see or predict the future...(i don't believe in nostradamus). But, it doesn't hurt to have future plans right? At least it gives us motivation to be industrious at present.

What would be your future career?
-Hmm...bini Dato'? Takpun permaisuri sultan ke... Haha...in my dreams! Well, maybe I'll be working at the AG Chambers, hopefully, if I managed to impress them during the interviews. If not, a lawyer or a legal adviser. But honestly, I really wish to be a travel journalist. I like something that I can go around and not stick to one particular place the whole time...

What is/are your first thing to do upon graduating?
-Party la duh! Hahaha....but seriously...try to complete my chambering as soon as possible...then get a job...settle my car payment...and help my parents settling others...(baik kan aku? hahaha...sila abaikan ayat puji diri sendiri itu)

What would you house be?
-Rumah sebijik je...tak payah banyak-banyak..penat nanti...hehe...If possible, I'd like a double storey house. With a music room, a mini library, an entertainment room and big closet fill with pretty clothes and hot shoes and bags! haha...typical woman's needs...and oh...if possible, spiral stairs...hand a pool...hehe

What about life partners?
-erk! This is one tough question. Hmm....so far no candidates. So, can't really see how the future will be like. But still, if I had it my way I want a tall, dark and handsome gentleman to be my life partner. With the sweetest smile and twinkling eyes.Haha...and he'd be a science dude, not arts. And some talent in music and skills in IT would be lovely too. Saya buta IT! Hahaha...

See any little kids of yours in the future?
-Hahaha....one funny question. Of course I do. But that is if I get married. Predicting kids is hard to do. Ni soal rezeki tak tau nak cakap macam mana. But I hope to have 4 little ones....dah prepare nama dah pun...hahahah....berangan lagi!

Will you be famous?
-Of course! As a human rights and environmental plus animal activist! Plan to join Peace Corps...the only problem is now I don't know how. Hope by getting into AG Chambers I'll figure out how. Thought of joining PAWS last year...as a start...but...had to cancel..=(...lepas ni nak try attend Sisters In Islam Convention...En mama.. I need your guidance! hahaha

What will you look like?
-Hopefully not as skinny as I am now, Maybe I'll have a personal trainer to help me get shaped up. Tak pun makan je la jamu ke...weight gain ke...hehe

Will you still be remembered by your uni friends?
-Some will, some won't. Depends on them actually.

What car will you have?
-Hmm...not really an expert in this car subject. I see myself driving a cute mini cooper-like car..or a sleek one...ntah la...tak arif sangat...huhu

-What do you think of this survey?
-Firstly, I think it kills the boredom. Secondly, it's not really necessary to ask questions on things you don't know. Thirdly, well...at least I feel good writing about my hopes and dreams. At least it boosts up my spirit to study, since the finals is around the corner.

Who else would you like to share this survey with?
-Cik Dila
-Cik Miemi
-Cik Zai
-Cik Jeswin (if she has a new blog)
-Cik Farah
-En.Sophy
-En.Shafiq (if he ever updates his blog)
-And everyone who reads it!!!!!!

For those who have been there

I smile doesn't mean I don't sulk
I laughed doesn't mean I don't cry
I'm silent doesn't mean I'm not offended

Every day I play masquerade
Most of my life are spent around a mask parade
I am in it too long until most of the time I cannot find the real me inside

My masks have reached to trillions
Each with different colours and expressions
But all are made with only one ingredient
And that is affection

I did it to make you feel happy
I did it to make your life easy

But the most hurting that I have to swallow
That makes my heart aches and tears flow
Is that you just don't see

That it is all for you.
YOU...

Sila Jangan Baca Kalau Anda Cepat Melenting!

First of all, forgive me for my lack of knowledge in this matter.

I just don't get it. I just don't get it at all

Why are there some people judge a woman by tudung?

Seriously. Why?

I'm not saying all, just 'some'.

These people seem to have a mindset that good girls wear tudung. Which means to say those who doesn't , are bad girls. I mean, what? I remembered this one friend of mine, Mr.M who saw a girl without tudung. She was sweet looking, behind the makeup and all, and she was wearing baby tee and skinny jeans. And he nonchalantly said, 'huih...sundal sial!'.


Excuse me, why must he said that? What right does he has to say a girl as a 'sundal' just because she is not wearing tudung? That is just one horrid way to say to a girl Nobody deserves such term. It's very offensive. How certain are you that those wearing 'tudung' are all good and angelic?

Please do not judge a person by appearance.

Truth ism eve those wearing 'tudung' are not all wearing for the right purpose. Some wear it because being forced by family, some wear it for fashion, and some wear it in not a permanent basis. One day we see her wearing one, and the day next day...off with the tudung! To me, that is just a hypocrite. Sure, everyone knows that tudung is complusory for all muslim women, but if pakai bukak pakai bukak, might as well don't wear it at all. That act only invites kutukan orang. Ada je pakai tudung tapi pakai short sleeves, ada je pakai tudung dedah leher. I'm not saying I'm flawless. Even I, despite wearing one, I did fail in fulfilling my obligation. I too, wear short sleeved t-shirt when going to the cafe or a grocery store nearby my house.

I may sound like I'm backing them. But I've been in both situation. Since little until I'm 18, I didn't wear tudung. It was only after I enrolled in PLKN that I started wearing for good. Now I've been wearing for 4 years. I remembered the first time I arrived at the camp, with my bob styled hair, they thought I was chinese. And when I told my dorm mate it was my first time wearing, they looked at me like I've committed the biggest sin ever. And that did not include the reaction I got when I said I went to Convent school. Sampai ada yang tanya 'ko sembahyang tak kat sekolah?

Yet, even now that I'm already wearing, there are still voices here and there criticizing my way of wearing it. Aku pakai tak tutup dada lah...aku pakai nampak leher...aku pakai kain tudung jarang...yada yada yada... The truth is, it's not the individual's problem. It's the society who never gets satisfied or is always finding our mistakes just to make us feel insecure. Or maybe they are the one feeling insecure. Haha...

In my opinion, I think it's more to the intention. Everyone knows covering aurat is wajib for women. Just as they know prayer and fasting is compulsory for every muslim. But we still see many who didn't follow. I once asked my family about this tudung issue. I didn't get the precise answer, but I got this one sentence isntead, 'nak pakai tudung pakailah, tapi pastikan amalan lain bersesuaian dengan apa kita tunjuk kat orang, kalau pakai tudung tapi tak sembahyang tak guna jugak, macam orang puasa tapi tak sembahyang,'. Come to think of it, there's a truth behind there somewhere. Kalau tutup semua tapi hakikatnya yang tiang agama tu pun tak buat what's the point? What's the point of building a roof if it cannot stand on broken pillars? It's going to fall eventually.

I know I sound like an ignorant person writing this, and I know I sound like I'm supporting them. But that is what I think. Rather than wearing it to please people and to avoid people saying bad thing about you, wouldn't it be better if we wear it because we sincerely want to? Of course, it is better to wear and at the same time preserve our well mannered attitude and ibadah, but who are we to judge other people's? Do we really know what the end result will be? Kita ni pun baik sangat ke nak kata orang tu silap? I think that to hell with what people think. As long as we have good intentions, if we fulfill our obligations, and we do thing for the sake of seeking blessings of Allah, then just contue on being yourself. Allah knows best in everything we do. When the time comes, it will come. Better to be yourself than a hypocrite.

Biar tak pakai tudung tapi hati bersih daripada pakai tudung tapi hati busuk, prasangka buruk and being judgmental pada orang lain. (NOTE TO SELF ALSO...HEH!)

Love is in the Air

This can be said as a continuance of my previous post...which one? sorry i've forgotten.. =p

Nowadays, I see many have been infected and bitten by this one deadly bug. Well..deadly is not the right word...it's more like an infectious bug. This bug can make you go crazy, sleepless at night, restless at day and not to mention annoyingly distracting from doing anything.

THE LOVE BUG...

Yup..it flies around, around people who don't give a damn about its existence...and it bites...

And when it does...it bites HARD!

Some friends of mine, whom I made a vow together with them to stay single (back in high school...heh) are now not single anymore...the vow has been broken. Cheers! Happy!! Seriously I am. That shows how hard the love bug bites, even a vow cannot stop it. Its not a bad thing. In fact, it's fun and wonderful to see people around you found their happiness...right? The feeling is like you received good news of your own. Even in blogs and facebook, many changed their status and wrote posts about love. Macam dah jadi trend pulak..couple ramai-ramai...hehe

With all the emotions and feelings around me, made me miss of having the feeling to be in love again. I have been a successful lone ranger for the past 2 years now. I'm loving it though..Haha..standard la to have this 'teringin nak couple balik' feeling. Because I've been there and I knew how sweet it was to be in love and be loved by a special person. The problem is now, I don't find myself eligible or in the capacity to have a new relationship. Ceh..cakap macam ada je orang nak suka kat kau kan..? Haha.. Now that I'm already 22, I think this couple thing is to be taken seriously. At my point of age, there's no more 'main-main cinta' or 'it's just a fling' stuff. Kalau baru 16, 17 tahun boleh la bercinta-cinta monyet. I think now is the time where when I want to be in a relationship, I want it to end, if God wills it, in marriage; something I have a serious issue about. Perhaps some people out there would think that 'ala...tak adventurous. kena la explore baru boleh tau yang mana yang terbaik untuk kita'.

Ok fine. Call me lame, poyo, old fashioned, conservative or whatever. I don't want to have a relationship and when I don't find that he is not for me, it's time to say goodbye. Plus I don't believe in love at first sight. To me, that is just ridiculous.

Looks like it's going to be long before I can feel how the love bug bites...

p/s: masih trauma dengan insiden hampir dikejar anjing. Note to self: Please ensure that the car key are at its tight place and not get tangled with other stuff inside the big bag of yours. It's a matter of life and death!!!