The double FF

It’s easier to forgive than to forget. Forgive and Forget.I’m sure there are people out there who have heard of this phrase before. It’s kind of like a popular phrase to be inserted in a drama or movie dialogue. I know, coz I watch tv a lot!! Haha!

well, what can you say when you hear or read this phrase? To me, I agree wholeheartedly. One thing I have to admit, I’m a softy. It’s very hard for me to decline when people ask for help and it’s very easy for me to forgive after they have offended me. But one thing for sure, I don’t forget as easy as I forgive. I will remember what they did. But not all things of course. If it’s just a minimal thing or just a joke, I’ll get over it without feeling any vengeance towards that person. It’s the really big serious offence that I’m talking about. I daresay I will remember it as long as memory lasts.

Call me cruel, call me bad, call me cold-hearted. Nothing can change that particular side of me. Because I think of course, everyone can apologise. Everyone can say I’m sorry. Everyone can write down saying their sorry and their regrets. Some even have the ‘gift’ to shed tears when apologizing to one person. But I always think this: What is the value of the person apologizing? Do they really mean it? Or are they just doing it because they want to get rid of their guilt and saying sorry is a way to escape from problems. And I wondered; am I the only person who thinks this complicated?

There’s no point saying sorry and still acts the same. Confused? I give you one situation. 2 people had a serious fight. The reason? God knows what. Then the one party apologized to the other party. So the other party thought; Hey, this fella’s apologized to me. Maybe we can be friends again. Maybe we can mend back the broken friendship that we ruined for no reason. But when the person tried to be friendly, tried to strike a conversation, the apologizing party treated it just like the way before the person apologized. And when I say like before the person apologized, I meant like a total stranger. Like they never knew each other before. So I thought. What’s the point apologizing when you are still behaving as cold as you were before? If saying sorry is just so that to make yourself feel guilt-free, it’s best not to apologize at all. My friend say that I’m over sensitive and being emotional. Ok fine, maybe I am. And that is what I am. When people apologized, I really appreciate it. It’s like they really have a good thinking about it and they regret the action and they want to mend what’s broken. That is why I find myself to be difficult to say sorry. Because I know if I nonchalantly apologize, and I did that mistake again, I’ll be hurting the person more. It’s as if we are taking them for granted. Sometimes I think am I the stupid one who accepts apology from everyone but in the end they still did the same damn thing? In the end I’m the only one who feel sad inside and think myself as a big fool and a moron for believing that they really regret their mistakes.

That is why I think its’ a good thing for me not to e forgetting easily a person’s deed. Sure, I might be acting like there’s nothing wrong ever happened, but who knows what I was thinking inside? And one more thing, when I made that one impression on a particular person, it’s extremely difficult for me to change that impression. Regardless of whether the person has changed into a better person, to me you’re still that very same person. And yes, I’m cruel for thinking like that. heh heh…