jom!

the first time i went to watch 'korban' was when i was about 8/9 year-old
my younger brother and i were following dearest dad
at that time, i thought sembelih lembu is like sembelih ayam...main potong-potong, or potong-potong plastisin play doh dgn pisau plastik...biasalah budak-budak taknak tunjuk diorang takut...hehe
then i stood along in the crowd, watched all the procedure, from bringing down the cow to tying the cow's legs and laying down the cow, to get it prepared for the 'korban'
i remembered the cow was white...
and the moment the sharp blade slit the cow's throat all i saw was red blood...and the cow's reaction (sapa2 pernah tengok faham la kan...susah la mau explain..=p)
luckily for me i was quite far, so the blood didnt splutter and hit me on my clothes...

and that first time was the last time...
not because i was afraid, but i just cant stop picturing the image, even before it began
i didnt cry while watching it...didnt even have the time to feel sorry for the cow
i was more stunned and speechless, really
didnt even realize my little brother was not there...(dia pergi main kejar-kejar dgn kawan dia, tinggalkan aku sorang2...huhu)
maybe because i was afraid i will overreact if i watch it now...mana tau tetibe terjerit, padahal org blm start sembelih lagi...haha

this year, i managed to celebrate it at home, Alhamdulillah
enjoyed being at home, mainly because of the good food
well, you'll understand if you have to feed on maggi cup and eating at warung because your place has no other place to look for food
home cooking is the best!
but that doesnt take my mind off of my final exams which will start next sunday
and all i have to say is
I"M FREAKING OUT!
i am so not prepared...despite that i've read the notes and cases given
usually i'll be freaking out and later forgets about it, but this time, it's haunting me!
cant even sleep well
too scared...kept thinking what if i fail my exams because i am so unprepared!
and i've never felt this paranoid before!
Ya ALLAH please give me strength!

tomorrow i will be heading back to uum
something i feel so heavy to do
for one thing i dont want to face the fact that the exam is in 3 days!
another is that i hope to stay a day longer so i can watch movie with my youngest brother
he wants to watch Megamind instead of Harry Potter (what???)

and something else occurred during my stay at home...hehe
nothing big, but it is an issue for me
but i think i'll save the story later...
goodnight y'all!!!

exam mode on!

note: this aint the notes for this semester's subjects...just to show the exam mode...lol!
=p

confession of a banjir victim

actually, not really a banjir victim...=p
saja je nk bagi tajuk mcm tu....considering the fact that that is the topic most discussed right now, apart from politics...lol!

well...i am still staying in college, refuse to go back for fear that if i do, i'll be stuck in the middle of the highway due to the flood water not receded completely...yup, i'm not a big risk taker when it comes to situation like this...especially involving long drives and cars...
bygkn kalau tgh drive balik ipoh tetibe keta xleh lalu sbb air banjir blm surut...arghh...
i know...i'm being paranoid...
anyways...i'm still not sure whether i should go home for aidiladha...still need to grab the courage...=p

right now, the college is quiet, and my block only have a handful of students staying faithfully here...its quite a survival test, since the cafe is closed due to shortage of food supplies...we had to buy food supplies (mostly maggi and bread and biscuits)...which dont even last for a week...=p but thankfully, things are getting better here...and having the quiet condition makes it easier and more condusive for students to study for their finals...
something i should be doing right now.

i have a goal this semester...well, i always have a goal everytime the exams are approaching.
but i think this semester the enthusiasm seems to be higher than other terms...
i really have to thank this one dude for giving me advice and support...telling me to stay focus on what i want to do in future...
'grasp them tight and keep a strong will at heart, and you can achieve it'
thats what he said to me...and despite not knowing me, he felt certain that i can excel...
now, not many people ever said like that to me...excluding my parents of course
and having him saying that really made my day...i really appreciate that from him
its as if apart from my family, there's something that actually believes in me...
i dont care if he's just saying that and not meant it, his words is enough to give me courage...and determination.
i will try my very best...harder this year...and hope that it bears better fruit than previous semesters...i may not see him or chat with him again...ever, but thanks for the positiveness and for believing in me... =)

hdahdahfavcaywyqfdwq

ergh!!!!!!!

bengang!!!

malas nak membebel panjang-panjang

whatever la

the colour purple

Today, my tumblr dashboard is decked in purple. A beautiful purple. And I kinda like it because purple is my favourite colour. I thought for quite a while the significance of the change from dark blue to purple...(nak kata birthday aku, lama lagi kot! =p), then I finally figured out what it is for.

The colour purple is to honour the youths who committed suicide due to the fact that they could not stand the abuse and sufferings they have of being gay, lesbian, transgender,...or in other words, different from most people in the world. These youths are taking their own lives at such a young age, and I have to say I am very sympathetic of them and their family, for having to lose a child, a brother or a sister in such a way.

Before I wish to say anything further, I would like to make something clear. I am against homosexuality. I am not okay with the idea of it. At all. For one major reason is that it is not only against law of nature, but also law of God. God created Adam to be with Hawa, and that union is what builds and brings out the global society that we have now. Perhaps some of you will say I'm a homophobic, a conservative or whatever, but I don't push away or discriminate or prejudice towards someone who is different from me.

I have friends who are lesbians, gays and also bisexuals, but I don't hate them. People tend to see the one worst thing in other people, instead of many beautiful things that they have inside. Why not we see that and embrace them as being who they are? I think it is their choice to be what they want to be...God never makes mistakes...and I deeply apologize for those who are offended by this post. Nevetheless, their choice do not deserve them any torment and abuse that they received everyday. Nobody deserves to feel bad and worthless. Even if you don't agree with their lifestyle, please respect and be tolerant. Nothing good ever comes out from hatred and anguish. It will just bring more harm than good. Tormenting them won't bring them straight, and the consequences of the negative acts they received is one thing that we should try to avoid. I love my gay and lesbians friends just like other friends. And sometimes, they turn out to be more understanding than others. When I'm with them I didn't think for a bit of them being different from me, and I didn't even think about the stand that I hold. All I think of that they are good friends, whom I always have fun talking and spending my times with.

Of course, that will make me look like a hypocrite. A total hypocrite. But the way I think, whenever they have problems, it's not about me, it's about them. And if a friend is what they need the most at that time, I'm more than willing and try to be the friend that they need. I don't mind being a hypocrite at that moment as long as my friend knows that he or she is not alone. Everyone deserves to feel wanted, loved and most of all respected. I think even if we oppose to it, don't give them a hard time, you never know in future when karma strikes. At that time, it will all be too late and you will have nobody to blame but yourself.

Love everyone despite their differences. Sometimes it is better to commit a little bad for greater good. If you refuse to do it due to religion or your personal principle you hold on to, then try and do it for the sake of humanity. Every human deserves to live in peace. And for those out there who are coming out, always bear in mind that somewhere in the world, there is someone who loves you. Keep a strong faith. It takes great courage to take your own lives, but it takes much greater courage to keep living.

*what I wrote is completely based on my personal opinion alone. I know most of the content will offend someone out there who read this, and for that I give you my most sincere apologies.

pfft!

crazy life these past few weeks...

busy...lazy...moody...you name it

and currently pissed and annoyed of the internet connection that is so slow macam siput pig...hello, can't you just go a little bit faster??? I really hate waiting and unable to watch Glee's latest episode really kills me!

anyway...speaking about kill...

had a mid term test just now...criminal procedure...

and hell yeah....I killed the paper!

not in a good way....i totally blew it off!

well...serves me right actually...for being unprepared...nobody to blame but myself...

but unable to do my best for test is not the thing that ticks me off tonight.

What really ticks me off....

are those who nonchalantly sneaking a.k.a copying from books...not just that...they pretend that they're actually thinking and doing the test when they are actually getting 'extra' help the back way... like it's no big deal...

hell yeah it's a big deal!!!

it's damn unfair! especially to those who really studied and prepared for the test...and it's most unfair and exasperating when u got off the hook! the lecturer didn't notice and then voila! in a few weeks or a months later, you will see you name next to a high score for the test...

of course...you'll be happy...and everyone will say...'wow...you're good,' 'pandainya kau...aku dapat sikit je,' when in fact you don't deserve the marks at all.

a big chicken egg or dinasour egg is what you deserve.

a friend of mine said..."takpe la...yang penting berkat, bukan markah"

not that I don't agree with him, but how many of us here gives a shit about berkat? It's what present that determines the future, but they don't think that way. People don't see implied 'berkat' we get, what they see is the marks shown and that's what they believe. That's where they make an impression from. Despite knowing that it's wrong, they still do it nonetheless, because they think first of people's impression rather than the 'berkat' they could've received.

Ah...but why am I blabbering for? Who would give a shit anyway? They'll be like 'oh, don't be mad or jealous at us because you don't have the guts to copy,'. Yup, perhaps I'm a coward, but at least I'm a coward with dignity. And I am ready and willing to accept the loss and failure that comes from my own action. That I think is what bravery really is in this situation...

But what the heck right? who would listen to me anyways? Just a grandma story that people read when they're bored....

whatever.

~wee~

I have Tumblr!!

And seriously getting addicted to it...

Love all the photos and quotes!!!

Hope I can make some just as wonderful as them.... =)

do have a visit to my tumblr blog...but be nice...since I'm a newbie...ahaks!!! =p